Plans and Surrendering

Lately I’ve been thinking about plans. How I constantly make plans — for the weekend, for the summer, for my life — and how they usually go awry. Especially lately. Lately I feel like beating my head against a brick wall because my life is not going the way I would like it to: I’ve moved eight times in six months, I’m not financially solvent, I don’t know where I’m living come September, etc. And yes, this causes me angst but at the same time it’s fantastic.

Here’s what I mean. Two years ago when I graduated from college my plan was to live in Washington, D.C. for 5 years, settle down in Maryland with a husband and a kitten, become the editor of a magazine and go on fantastic vacations. That has not happened. Instead, while I lived in D.C. I kept getting signs to move to San Francisco. San Francisco became ubiquitous. I saw people wearing San Francisco t-shirts, I overheard conversations about San Francisco, I went to a conference and sat next to somebody from San Francisco. Essentially God beat me over the head with messages to move (at least that’s how I interpreted it). And now I’m here. And my life is so much more fantastic and thrilling and amazing than I could have ever planned. I’m hobnobbing with famous authors, politicians, activists. Right now I’m getting paid to housesit/take care of a kitty in Cole Valley where I have a view of the ocean, a hot tub for my use and three stories to roam around in. I’m meeting lovely people who really get me and want to help me in any way they can. I’m exploring San Francisco, taking advantage of every opportunity and just trying to live my life. My point is not to make people jealous or envious of my life and social network. I’m trying to illustrate that sometimes God/the Universe/whatever has sweeter plans for us in mind, something we couldn’t have even imagined for ourselves. My point is even though I am extremely frustrated my plans are not happening I also recognize sometimes life is better when plans don’t work. I’m saying another world is probable if people, myself included, stopped trying to micromanage their lives and just let go. Imagine how glorious life would be if we didn’t get upset when our plans didn’t manifest, if we trusted that everything that happens to us happens for a reason! If we trusted we would be taken care of. If we let God do God’s work and move us along the path we are supposed to be. I know it’s difficult but I’m starting to recognize how much sweeter my life is when I let God do the planning and I allow myself to be taken by the hand. I’m starting to recognize not only is another world possible, it’s probable.