Shadows On The Wall

My mind is abuzz. This has been one of the most trying weeks of my life. On top of all the other things I’ve been dealing with, I’m also experiencing emotional upheaval as well as shock and loss because I found out today someone I went to high school with committed suicide.
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All day I’ve been seeing an image of a little rowboat out to sea. I’m sitting in it surrounded by fog and drizzle and darkness. Then the fog clears and I can see I’m not alone in the boat – sitting next to me is my meditation teacher, smiling at me. My always and forever friend, my one true constant. Just there, smiling at me with love.

Because really, love is all there is. I may get caught up in the circumstances of life but ultimately everything is an expression of an infinite loving consciousness. My sprained ankle, getting laid off, tumultuous relationships, even death. All of it is Parama Parusa, God, Brahma, Love. When I remember that I stop falling for illusions.

In Sanskrit there is a word maya that means just that – illusion. More deeply maya means all the worldly trappings that distract us. That’s not to say the worldly trappings don’t exist but really they are like shadows on the wall. They exist but we’re not seeing their true form.

I skimmed through one of my favorite books, A Return to Love looking for a quote to fit in with this blogpost and I came across, “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.” The shadows may dance on the wall but the hand that creates them remains unperturbed.

This post is my effort to return to love. To remind myself what is real. Is it the pain in my ankle? Is it my financial situation? No. They are merely shadows on the wall. The real reality is Parama Parusa. My higher power. The lord. My ego likes to pretend otherwise. Likes to enjoy the sound and the fury of life, if you will, because that’s the only way my ego will survive.

In truth I am peace, I am love, I am divine. In truth all is well, all always was well, all will always be well. No matter the circumstance I go through, no matter the upset, no matter the drama, it’s just noise. The hand creating the shadow is at peace. My soul, my essence remains untouched. Because ultimately love is all there is.

I don’t always operate with that belief. Sometimes I just pay lip service to the idea because I need to wash my dishes in the sink, and you know people are hungry two blocks away. It’s easy to forget and disregard that love is all there is. That everything is an expression of the divine. Especially when life is super dramatic. That’s when I need to pause the most. That’s when I need to jerk my head away from the shadows dancing before me and remind myself where they’re coming from.

I dream of a world where we disengage from the ego’s drama. A world where we bisect the trouble and get to the heart of the matter, which is love is all there is. Even among the violence and upheaval, love is there. Love will always be there. Love always was there. I dream of a world where we know that and feel that and return to that. A world where we focus on the hand creating the shadow rather than the shadow itself.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.