Backward Can be Forward
I can't believe I'm typing this but I'm seriously considering going back to Washington, D.C. for a little while. A friend of mine offered to let me stay in her house where she has a second bedroom and a basement for as long as I need. All of my stuff is in storage in SF and I'm having so much trouble finding a place to live, so it's an option.
One of the things holding me back is the idea I will be regressing or going backward. If you know me well or have been following this blog, you'll know I moved to San Francisco from Washington, D.C. To go back almost seems as if I'm regressing.
What I'm reminding myself of is going back to a place I lived before doesn't mean I'm traveling back in time or moving backward. A physical place is just that — a physical place. I am not the same person I was when I lived there and nor would my life look the same. Yes, it's clear I don't want to live in D.C. for a long period of time, but for a few months? Would that really be so bad?
This whole thing also brings up the notion of my plan versus my higher power's plan. To me, moving forward means never going back. It means once I've left a place it's in the dust, I'll never return. But my higher power/the Universe/whatever doesn’t see things in such a black and white way. Nor are things always so straightforward. Life moves in crazy circles and offshoots and k-turns and not the straightforward trajectory I think it does.
I guess I'm saying just because we go back to a place we've been before — either literally or figuratively — doesn't mean we're backsliding. It doesn't mean we're not growing as people, and it doesn't mean we're not right where we're supposed to be. Just because we didn't expect to be in that spot doesn't mean it's not a part of the process because sometimes going backward can really mean we're moving forward.
I dream of a world where we understand forward movement may look like we're backsliding sometimes. A world where we imbibe the idea sometimes it's necessary to return to somewhere we've been before. A world where we embrace change in all of its mysterious manifestations. A world where we understand backward can be forward.
Another world is not only possible, it's probable.
As a bit of a nomad, I've felt this question come up in me as well. After college, when I moved back to the Bay Area, I definitely felt like I was backsliding. I had determined to never live at home again and yet, that's where I was. But even though I was back there, my experience was different (like you are saying in this post).
Or last year, I decided to move back to Michigan — a place where I was the most happy in my life ever. But it was a difficult decision because though my intuition was telling me it was so right, I fought it because I thought that other people would see it as me going backwards — and I wondered that myself.
But even though I may be back near familiar things, so much is changing for me. I've grown so much lately… or I've had a lot of obstacles removed from my life.
You have great intuiton, Rebekah. You should trust it, like I know you want to do. Don't get bogged down by thinking uber-"realistically" or logically. Your heart knows the way and what's right for you. I know I only met you for but a brief time, but your spiritual awareness is special and it was very impactful to me.
Wanna know something funny, too? I just now got hit with a memory! I remember talking to you in your living room about wanting to move to Chicago. It's something I never ended up doing and I took a few detours… but here I am, getting ready to move there in a little over a month — trusting faith, intuition, and a higher power to help me make it happen. Funny how some things come around full circle.
Nice! I’m sure it will be awesome!