Put the ‘Cup’ Down

This week, I was reminded of a post I wrote 16 years ago so I’m going waaaaay back into the archives. I hope it’s helpful for you.

A friend sent a PowerPoint presentation about a professor holding a cup. The story goes like this: A professor walked into class one day and held up a cup of water for all to see. The professor asked, “How much do you think this cup weighs?” The students answered, “50g! 100g! 125g!”

“I really don’t know unless I weigh it,” the professor said. “But my question is, what would happen if I held the cup like this for a few minutes?”

“Nothing.”

“What would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?” the professor asked.

“Your arm would begin to ache.”

“You’re right. Now, what would happen if I held it for a day?”

“Your arm would go numb, you would have muscle stress and paralysis and have to go the hospital for sure!” one of the students shouted amid laughter.

“Very good. But during all this did the weight of the cup change?”

“No.”

“Then what caused the arm to ache and the muscle stress?” the professor asked. The students were perplexed. “What should I do now to come out of pain?” asked the professor.

“Put the cup down!” said the students.

“Exactly,” the professor replied.

I love this metaphor. When life throws something my way, I tend to hold on. I obsess, I angst, I work myself up. But that’s the key point – I got myself worked up. I have a choice in how I feel, which means I can choose to feel differently. This is a tricky thing because toxic positivity is real. Spiritual bypassing is a thing. People will do almost anything to not feel their feelings. I’m not advocating that, but at the same time, what’s my part? Am I turning a windmill into a giant?

It can be hard to let go and a method I use is the emotional freedom technique (EFT), also called tapping. It helps me feel my feelings in the moment and not ruminate on them. It doesn’t always work, but usually, I feel a slight shift in how I feel and that’s always a victory. Sometimes, I combine tapping with Louise Hay’s method of saying, “I’m willing to release my need for ______.” Or even, “I’m willing to be willing to release my need for _____.”

Ultimately, I want to feel better. I want to know peace. As the serenity prayer states, some things I can change and some things I cannot. I can’t change everything but what I can change is how tightly I’m holding on to something. I can do something about my own suffering and finally put the ‘cup’ down and that’s what I want for everyone.

I dream of a world where we strike a balance between feeling our feelings and changing our moods. A world where we use the tools at our disposal like EFT or journaling to process how we feel. A world where we understand that sometimes we’re the cause of our own suffering. A world where we finally put the ‘cup’ down.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.