One of my core wounds is around belonging. I would say that’s a consequence of growing up as the “weird kid” but these days I think everyone has this wound. We all want to belong. To be clear, belonging is not the same thing as fitting in. As Brené Brown says, “Belonging is being accepted for you. Fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else.”
For instance, fitting in is wearing the same jeans as everyone else. Belonging is wearing the jeans you want to wear without fear you’ll get kicked out of the group or teased. Belonging means sharing your authentic self and trusting you’ll still be loved and accepted. I don’t know if this is a hallmark of belonging but for me, belonging is not only being accepted by one person, it’s about being accepted by a group. I may be accepted in a one-on-one interaction but what happens when another person is added to the mix? How about when there are three people? Four?
Things get more complicated the more people you add to a group. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but people are messy and flawed. Inevitably we fight with other people, we disagree on key positions, and then suddenly we’re no longer a part of the group. This happens all the time, even among people who are keen on creating belonging. Do you know why most intentional communities fail? Because of challenging interpersonal dynamics, of course!
It may seem like the solution is to find a different group, to continue narrowing your focus on people who are like you but anchoring belonging to other people is like building a house on sand – eventually, it will collapse. You can’t count on people to provide you with perpetual belonging. How do we find belonging then?
I can’t say what works for other people but what works for me relates to my post from early February about how we are nature. It’s recognizing as Earthlings, we always belong to the Earth. There is nowhere we can go on the planet where we’re not connected to the planet. If that’s a little heady, I’ve been imagining growing roots and anchoring to the Earth but also having the Earth flow its energy back to me.
I envision filtered Earth energy in the form of golden light permeating my entire body reminding me, yes, we are connected, yes, it’s constant, and yes, I always belong to the planet. There can be no falling out with Earth. It’s forever holding me, loving me, nurturing me. On good days and bad days, the planet is my constant companion. And not only the planet.
In my spiritual tradition, it’s said the Divine is your one true friend, your one true companion because it’s with you from birth to death and lifetime after lifetime. The Divine never leaves you, ever. And furthermore, the secret of meditation is to realize we’re being meditated upon all the time. We have love constantly raining down on us whether we’re aware of it or not. The secret of meditation is to become aware of it. One of my favorite blogs about the concept is from a decade ago where I write that we are the beloved. And it’s true – whether somatically from the planet or spiritually from the Divine, we are loved beyond measure and we always, always belong.
I dream of a world where we let ourselves be who we really are without fear. A world where we understand we don’t have to change anything about ourselves to belong. A world where instead of turning to people to meet that need for belonging, we turn to something more constant: the planet and the Divine.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
The most recent eclipse brought up so much for me – I cried buckets and let myself feel grief that had been buried for decades. In general, that happens during eclipses – people are more sensitive and emotional, and things that were hidden get revealed. It can be incredibly painful to look at something you didn’t want to look at. It may also feel scary and overwhelming.
To quote my friend Emma, we have default modes of thinking and being. We don’t question these modes and accept them hook, line, and sinker. And then when you realize you can choose differently, it’s hard to change direction. How are you supposed to let go of something you accepted as true for perhaps your entire life?!?
I can’t say what works for everyone but for me, I’m offering everything to the Divine Beloved. As Tosha Silver says in her book It’s Not Your Money, “The act of offering is a holy process. Anything truly surrendered is indeed made sacred. You’re not just throwing some mess at God, saying, ‘Hey, I hope You can handle it, dude, ‘cause I sure can’t!’ You’re no longer demanding, ‘How fast can I get my order delivered?’ Instead you’re softening and wondering, What am I learning here? How can I be kinder to myself right now? You take that unbearable burden and say, ‘I can no longer be an ego lugging this around like a pack mule. Please show me the way!’”
That’s what I want. To release the things that no longer serve me and recognize there’s a new way of being, a better way, a more loving way. Over the past week I’ve said to myself, “It’s true Rebekah, those things did happen. It’s OK to cry about them. Go ahead and cry as much as you need. And I also want you to remember that this life now belongs to Love and anything can happen.”
Love, love, love. Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
That’s another principle from Tosha’s book – that no matter what happened in the past, you don’t have to repeat it. You don’t have to replay the same patterns – whether they’re internal or external. You can have a new experience. When Divine Love leads, miracles happen. I’ve seen this in my own life with getting into recovery for an eating disorder, but also my relationship to money. I’ve shared before about how checks will appear out of the blue and that remains true. Instead of stewing in financial worry, I affirm all true needs are always met in amazing ways. And because I worked so hard to change my thinking about money, now I’m peaceful about it (most of the time) – when one client leaves, I know another will take their place.
What this past week is teaching me is the same process I used around money from Tosha’s book, I can apply to anything. She has a meditation about offering the burden of money to the Divine Beloved but I’m tweaking it to be more general so that whatever topic you’re struggling with – abundance, relationships, health, fear, whatever – you can cast aside the burden and let Love lead:
Focusing on your breath, feel yourself sinking into the Earth, your body heavy and relaxed. Get a clear symbolic picture of whatever it is you’re struggling with. Now, imagine that you’re taking this symbol to Love itself, however you envision it.
Feel that you’re now offering this burden to the Divine and that you’re saying, “Make me ready.” I’m ready to be shown. I’m ready to open to this, and I’m ready to have this belong to you. I’m ready to allow old restrictions, constraints, limits, and baggage to go.
Take me over and begin to do what my own ego never could. Take me over and begin to allow this change! Let me be uplifted and transformed. Imagine yourself offering the entire burden of this topic to that Force of Love. You may see a word; you may hear something; you may just feel it.
Know that whatever torture you’ve felt over this issue can finally be offered to God. What a relief. You’re finally really offering it, and you’re asking to be shown the right actions, from today onward. Those right actions will be shown, step-by-step, from the inside, all in right timing.
And then, as you’re ready, slowly come back out. Jot down anything that may have happened. Even the smallest message may turn out to be important.
What worked for me is doing this meditation every day until it felt true that yes, I could offer the burden of my finances to God. And now I’m doing the same thing with what was revealed to me during the eclipse. I’m ready for my life to belong to Love. Maybe you are too?
I dream of a world where we recognize we all have default modes of being and thinking. A world where we understand we don’t have to keep enacting the same patterns. A world where we grieve the past but also change our futures by letting our lives belong to Love. A world where we let Love lead.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
In addition to ghostwriting blogs for therapists, I also ghostwrite books. One of my clients and I spent nearly a year querying publishers until finally this week one of them said, “Yes, we’d love to publish this.” It reminded me of a post from April 2012 about timing. Enjoy.
Our society is obsessed with “overnight success,” but if you dig a little deeper, you will find that it usually takes years and years of hard work for a person to be successful “overnight.” I was reminded of that this weekend when I re-watched Mystic Pizza. Did you know Matt Damon is in that movie?
An 18-year-old Matt Damon as seen in Mystic Pizza.
He only had a line or two but still. He was a working actor and it took another nine years for him to become famous with the release of Good Will Hunting. And for Julia Roberts, it took another two years after Mystic Pizza for her to land Pretty Woman and become the highly paid actress that she is.
Why did it take two years for Roberts to become famous and nine years for Damon? What made each of those films “the one” that made them a star? I take it for granted that people weren’t always famous. That Matt Damon hasn’t forever been glossing magazine covers, that there was a point where he was a normal guy, playing bit parts, trying to make ends meet, and then the stars aligned, he had the right connections, and all of a sudden, he became a household name.
This is how movement works, according to my spiritual teacher. It’s systaltic like a heartbeat. Do you know how a heart pumps blood? I learned this ages ago in AP Bio. A heart is like a syringe – it fills up with blood, pauses at fullness, and then pushes the blood out. In all of life, we experience this cycle. It’s the natural order of things to expand, pause, and contract.
This will make more sense later. Photo by JAEHOON PARK on Unsplash
My spiritual teacher says, “[M]ovement through speed and pause is an essential factor for each and every animate or inanimate object. Wherever there is existential factor there must be this pulsation. An entity acquires strength and stamina during the pause phase, and emanates vibration during the speed period. There cannot, however, be any absolute speed or absolute pause in the created world.”
In other words, progress usually isn’t linear. We like to think it is – follow these steps and eventually everything will turn out. But it’s not true. Usually progress is filled with fits and starts. There are breaks, pauses, a whole lot of nothing happening, and then BOOM, full speed ahead. And no one knows why nor can they predict it. You can’t say, “Play bit parts for nine years and you, too, will become famous.” You could play bit parts for 50 years and still not be famous. Or you could play one bit part and then get cast into a lead role that catapults you into fame.
Why do these things happen? There’s a bit of mystery involved but I’m coming to realize timing is crucial. We’re like little popcorn kernels – we all “pop” when we’re ready. When it’s our time, when the conditions are right, that’s when we move forward. And not just a little bit, usually we take a giant leap forward like a popcorn kernel exploding.
I dream of a world where we recognize progress isn’t linear – it’s more like a heartbeat with a pause built in. A world where we remember sometimes you can work and work and work and see no results until finally one day you do. A world where we understand everything pops when it’s ready.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Lately I’m oscillating between shock, dismay, dissociation, and fear. And I know I’m not alone. My social media feeds are filled with people talking about how to take care of yourself right now. They say things like, “Take a break from doomscrolling” and “connect with your community.” It’s great advice and I’ve asked myself, “Do I also have something to contribute?” Other than what I already have I mean, namely my post from the other week about how we’re the “magic wands”? The answer is yes.
Something that helps me soothe myself and process my emotions is emotional freedom technique (EFT), also known as tapping. EFT uses meridian points to restore balance to your body’s energy. It’s like acupuncture without the needles and engages the mind because you say things out loud as you tap.
Lavender is also good for anxiety. Photo by Olga Tutunaru on Unsplash
EFT has been used to treat war vets and active military with PTSD. In a 2013 study, researchers found participants receiving EFT coaching sessions significantly reduced their psychological stress – so much so that more than half of the EFT participants no longer fit the criteria for PTSD! A 2022 meta-analysis found EFT had measurable biological effects in the dimensions of gene expression, brain synchrony, hormonal synthesis, and a wide range of biomarkers. In other words, there is a literal, physical difference in the body before and after tapping.
EFT practitioners use tapping for everything – anxiety, depression, trauma, physical pain, procrastination, even something like writer’s block. I find EFT to be very helpful, and if you’d like to try it, here’s a video from Kate Winch specifically on anxiety. Before you start, you should know that she’s going to start with negative statements and then move onto positive ones. If you don’t feel ready to start saying the positive affirmations when Kate does, pause the video and freestyle, expressing all the fear, anxiety, and negativity that’s still alive for you. Or you can rewind the video and repeat after her.
If you tapped along with Kate, I hope you feel better. I know I do. I especially appreciate how at the end she talks about taking inspired action. I know I’m not meant to do everything but I am meant to do something. And until I quell the panicked voices inside, I have no idea what that “something” is. EFT brings me more peace of mind so I can show up in the world as the best version of myself and contribute in a meaningful way. And I think that’s exactly what’s needed right now.
I dream of a world where we let ourselves feel our feelings. A world where we understand it’s OK to express the truth of how we’re feeling. A world where we use tools to regulate our emotions, especially mind-body ones like EFT. A world where we know there are balms for our anxiety.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
The title of this post comes from a fascinating article I read in my university’s alumni magazine. More than 15% of the global population – about 1 billion people – have been diagnosed with a physical, psychiatric, learning, developmental, sensory, or cognitive disability. And that number is likely to increase due to emerging diseases and natural disasters.
We treat disability like it’s abnormal but the reality is anyone who lives long enough will become disabled either because of an accident or age. For this reason, author and bioethicist Ashley Shew uses the term “temporarily able-bodied.” Yeeees. When I first heard that term, my entire body relaxed because it made so much sense and also reframed my experience as someone with idiopathic hypersomnia. Because I have to nap every day and am easily tired by too much activity, I perpetually feel abnormal. Why can’t I do the things other people can do? And how can I regain health privilege as quickly as possible?
Getting the reminder that people who aren’t currently disabled are experiencing something temporary helps me to feel better. It means I’m not abnormal and instead, other people are going to “catch up” to me, so to speak. I’m learning to live with disability sooner than other people but health privilege is temporary for everyone if they live long enough. To be alive means to have a body that will eventually break down. Instead of feeling envious of other people, I’m working to unapologetically love my body as it is, right now. There’s nothing wrong with me even though an ableist society says otherwise.
An excellent example of accessibility — not everyone can hike a rugged trail but paved trails allow those with mobility issues to see these natural wonders. Photo by Romain Virtuel on Unsplash
If you’re unfamiliar with that term, ableism is a system of discrimination and oppression that favors nondisabled lives and ways of being, often under the guise of empowerment. For instance, prosthetic legs enable amputees to walk “normally.” That’s not to say technology can’t make life easier for disabled people – it does – but society encourages disabled people to see themselves as chronically incomplete or lacking. There’s something wrong with them because they’re not able-bodied. This distracts from the real social ill, that “the world is set up to exclude disabled people,” to quote Shew.
The reality is we’re not all meant to be the same. My spiritual teacher says, “Human society is just like a garland which is made of different types of flowers, woven together by one common thread. The overall beauty of the garland is dependent upon the beauty of each flower. Likewise, each strata of society must be equally strengthened if we are to maintain the unity and solidarity of society.”
So first, diversity is the name of the game, and two, each strata of society must be equally strengthened. That means recognizing there is a place for everyone and furthermore, creating a more inclusive society that plans for the fact people are temporarily able-bodied. Instead of making people feel incomplete or ashamed for losing health privilege (or never having it in the first place), we’d be better off recognizing disability is inevitable. What are we doing to make the world easier, better, more inclusive, and more accommodating? Because after all, the future is disabled.
I dream of a world where we understand health is a privilege that eventually everyone loses. A world where instead of trying to hold on to health privilege, we create a society that accommodates disability. A world where we strengthen all segments of society because we recognize disability is a fact of life. A world where we recognize the diversity of human beings is beautiful, just like a garland.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I celebrated my 17th anniversary of moving to California on Valentine’s Day. I’ve been more emotional than I anticipated. Not so much that I moved here, that I still live here, but that I worked so very hard to create a life that I enjoy and works for me. I left a tearful voice memo for a friend saying for the first time in my life, nothing is actively wrong, personally. Politically on the other hand. . .
I’m happy. Not in a euphoric way that’s dependent on someone or something else but in a real, scientifically backed way. It’s something I made an effort around and that’s what’s choking me up. That’s also what my anniversary represents because it was the first major decision that I made to be happier. I’m still so grateful the 23-year-old me, scared of just about everything, said, “OK, I’ll move,” without having a job, a place to live, or an extensive community. It wasn’t an easy experience moving nine times in seven months, nor watching my bank account approach zero dollars and then hit it, but boy am I grateful I moved.
A little thanks goes a long way. Photo by Daniel Andrade on Unsplash
I’m so appreciative of that young woman who didn’t give up. For continuing to try even when it would have been easy to throw in the towel. I’m grateful to her for her courage, her openness, and her willingness to go outside her comfort zone. So much happened 17 years ago and the echoes still reach me today.
Why am I writing this publicly? After all, it could have been a journal entry, a private love letter to myself, but I’m making it public because especially in tough times I wonder if you’ve expressed gratitude for your past self. Have you said, “Thank you,” to the person in the mirror?
The most enduring, constant relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. You are the only person who is with you from birth to death. Have you said, “I’m so proud of you”? Or given yourself a high five in the mirror?
Mel Robbins (no relation to Tony Robbins), is a motivational speaker and coach. She talks about high-fiving yourself in her book The High Five Habit. During a podcast episode with Marie Forleo she said, “You’re either going to have a really positive reaction where you’re going to laugh and you’re going to smile and it’s going to be funny and corny and all this stuff, or you will burst into tears in a very positive way. This is a very, very common thing that’s happening for people. And the tears are a positive release because you are realizing emotionally how much you’ve longed for this from yourself.”
Sometimes it’s easier to praise other people, to express our gratitude and appreciation for them, but what about you? Aren’t you just as deserving of praise, gratitude, and celebration? I bet there’s something, some version of yourself, some moment, some age that you reflect on with appreciation. What do you want to say to that past self? As for me, I’m saying, “Thank you.”
I dream of a world where we appreciate ourselves for how far we’ve come. A world where we say, “Thank you for doing that,” to the person in the mirror. A world where we remember we can thank and praise ourselves because we also deserve it.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
In July I wrote a post called “The Dawning of a New Age” about the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. I thought Kamala would be elected and that would kickstart a progressive, egalitarian age. Pluto was set to move into Aquarius and the energy of that is, “Screw top-down hierarchy – give me bottom-up! Power to the people, baby!”
When Trump was elected, I was so confused and disappointed because his election represented a consolidation of power and the worst of Pluto in Capricorn. This isn’t the “power to the people” I was expecting! But, well, we are seeing more people becoming engaged. The Washington Post reported on February 7 that congressional phone lines have been jammed to the point of failure. A system that usually handles a few dozen calls per minute is straining to keep up with more than 1,500.
Representative Becca Balint, Democrat of Vermont, said she normally has two aides monitoring the office phones, enough to handle the handful of calls they typically receive each hour. But since Jan. 20, she has reassigned at least six additional staff members to keep up with a nonstop flood of calls. “What we usually get in a month, we got in three days,” said Sophie Pollock, a spokeswoman for Balint.
It’s us! We’re the magic wands! Photo by nine koepfer on Unsplash
For better or worse, Trump is a galvanizing figure on both sides of the political aisle. He is encouraging more people to get involved in one way or another. That’s something. And it relates to a journal entry of mine from a few weeks ago. I want a magic wand to make everything better. Or a Deux Ex Machina situation. Maybe some aliens to set us straight. Higher Power said to me, “I want there to be lasting change. I want you all to do the work to create that beautiful future you dream about.”
Ugh, no! It’s too hard! But when I accept the truth that I do want to do something, that I can’t just be a good person and enjoy my life, then I get overwhelmed. Little ole me? What can I possibly do? I need a nap every day! Sometimes I take two! How am I supposed to make any kind of difference? For that, I return to a quote by Rutger Bregman in the now-defunct publication The Correspondent:
“Our inclination – in talk shows and around dinner tables – is to choose our favorite kind of activism: We give Greta Thunberg a big thumbs up but fume at the road blockades staged by Extinction Rebellion. Or we admire the protesters of Occupy Wall Street but scorn the lobbyists who set out for Davos.
“That’s not how change works. All of these people have roles to play. Both the professor and the anarchist. The networker and the agitator. The provocateur and the peacemaker. The people who write in academic jargon and those who translate it for a wider audience. The people who lobby behind the scenes and those who are dragged away by the riot police.”
In other words, we need everyone – not only certain kinds of activists. Our actions may not make a splash, they may seem small, but they’re not insignificant. Because in order for change to happen, there are many, many roles to play. It’s not the size of the role that counts, it’s that we’re doing anything at all.
I dream of a world where we recognize there are no shortcuts. A world where we understand in order to create something progressive and egalitarian, we have to put in the work to make it happen. A world where we realize no matter the role we play, it still counts and adds up to something. A world where we recognize we are the “magic wands” we’ve been dreaming of.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Many cultures, especially in the West, treat Earth as a set piece, the stage upon which life happens. There’s nature and then there’s humanity. We’re seen as separate and dominant. But as former NASA scientist James Lovelock stated in the 70s with the Gaia Hypothesis, we are not managers of the planet, we are the planet. We are a piece of the complex, self-regulating system. For instance, plants breathe in the carbon dioxide we emit and we breathe the oxygen they expel. They need us and we need them.
When Lovelock’s hypothesis first came out it was met with derision but not so anymore. The earth system scientist Tim Lenton at the University of Exeter said he and a number of scientists “now think in terms of the coupled evolution of life and the planet, recognizing that the evolution of life has shaped the planet, changes in the planetary environment have shaped life, and together they can be viewed as one process.”
Darwin said organisms compete and adapt to environments. Only the strongest survive and all that. But now, the new perspective is organisms continuously reshape their surroundings with intricate feedback loops of transformation. Climate & Capital Media Founder Peter McKillop writes, “This isn’t environmental romanticism. It’s a scientifically grounded understanding of planetary dynamics that demands a complete reimagining of our economic, technological, and social systems if we are to survive.”
We are nature and nature is us. Photo by Jon Flobrant on Unsplash
So no pressure or anything – just the survival of our species. It seems like a tall order but it all starts with a mindset shift. How often do we think of nature as being “out there”? A place we go to? As if we could ever get away from nature! Not only is the very ground we stand on nature, but we are nature too. Our bones are made of minerals that we obtain from the environment. Most of the elements in the human body, like carbon, oxygen, calcium, and iron, were created in stars. We, ourselves, are stardust.
We are not separate at all. The entire cosmos is like a spider web and if you pull on one thread, it vibrates the rest of them. I have a friend who acknowledges this every morning in his prayers. He says, “I am eternally grateful to be an integrated particle in the infinite universe of your wisdom and will, and to live in your abundance and prosperity receiving your guidance, strength, mercy, and protection.” I can’t help but wonder what would the world be like if we all felt this way? That we are an integrated particle that is only one part of a whole. What would the world be like if we remembered that nature isn’t “out there” or somewhere to get to but rather, we, ourselves, are nature?
This is essentially the point of my meditation practice, to remember not only the connection but the unity with all of creation. I am nature, nature is me. I am other humans, other humans are me. I am the Divine Beloved, the Divine Beloved is me. I am not separate from anything and nothing is separate from me. I frequently get amnesia on this point but that’s also why I meditate every day, not only so I remember the concept but act on it. Because when I do, I treat everyone and everything with more care, love, and respect and that’s something we could all use more of.
I dream of a world where we remember we are an integrated particle in this universe. A world where we understand we aren’t separate from anyone or anything and nothing is separate from us either. A world where instead of thinking of nature as being something “out there” we remember we are nature and act accordingly.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’m the type of person who likes things to stay the same at home. I don’t rearrange furniture for fun or swap out pictures to bring new life into my space. No. I have a poster hanging above my bed and when it gets old, faded, or ripped, I plan on buying the exact same poster and putting it in the exact same place. Whenever I’ve moved, my apartment looks like a replica of the previous one, as much as it can given spacing is different, windows are in new places, etc.
Given that predilection, the past two weeks have been veeeeeeery difficult because of construction taking place inside my apartment. My home was in complete disarray and I can’t put things back how they were before. My bookcase can no longer be flush against the wall due to an electrical panel and that means I had to move my plants and my pictures. My friend Nicole calls this “forced feng shui,” which is spot on. It doesn’t matter if it looks good or I like it, I’m forced to change things. I hate it. But at the same time, I’m taking this as an opportunity to do some upgrades.
During the pandemic, my wall heater broke and my landlord replaced it but the new one was smaller than the old one. That created a border around the new heater, exposing the unpainted wall. I didn’t ask my landlord to repaint it because I didn’t want a stranger in my home longer than they needed to be because this was the height of the pandemic when the risk of contracting COVID was high. So I lived with a border around my heater. For years.
Sometimes change makes things better. Photo by Theme Photos on Unsplash
When the current construction crew needed to repaint part of my wall because of moving the electrical panel, I asked them to paint around the wall heater too and they did. Yes, the construction is a nuisance, but also it’s an upgrade. My place looks better than it did before. This same principle applies to other areas of life as well. Frequently I spend so long mourning the loss of the thing I used to have – a job, relationship, community, whatever – that I forget it could be making space for something better.
More than a decade ago I released my memoir, Just a Girl from Kansas, and the subtitle was, “One woman’s dreams are ant-sized compared to what lay ahead.” (Side note: I know that’s grammatically incorrect but “lay ahead” felt more open and resonant to me than “lies ahead.”) I used to believe that. Everything in my life kept getting better and better until I hit my Saturn return at age 28. At that point, life got very, very hard and most of the optimism about my personal future leaked out of me like a deflating balloon. Believing I was getting an upgrade felt almost impossible. It felt more like I was getting beaten down by life.
I’ve slowly been coming out of that and am starting to believe things can be better than I envisioned for myself. The dream I had in my 20s was to be the editor of a magazine, which I was. What I do now, ghostwriting for therapists and working as a freelance journalist, is so much more interesting and fulfilling than working for one publication. This, too, is an upgrade.
The energy of my life right now is, “Can you let go of the way you think things should be? Can you instead make room for what wants to be birthed, which is better than you imagined anyway?” It’s a process, but I’m working on it because it turns out I enjoy upgrades.
I dream of a world where we understand sometimes the old has to leave our lives to make room for something better. A world where we recognize what we want for ourselves can be less than what the universe wants for us. A world where instead of viewing certain experiences as a hassle, we see them as potential upgrades.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I have a truly wild story. About 13 years ago I lived in an in-law unit and the landlady wanted to show the apartment to potential tenants. I didn’t want to be home and at the same time wanted to safeguard my valuables. The most valuable piece of jewelry I owned was a diamond pendant necklace from my Grandma Libele. She died when I was 13 and the necklace was the only physical thing of hers I owned so it was valuable for multiple reasons.
When I got home after the viewings, I couldn’t find the diamond necklace. I either forgot where I hid it or someone stole it after all. Every time I moved in the ensuing 13 years (which was a lot), I looked for the diamond necklace. I kept thinking it would turn up in a random box or bag that I would find as I unpacked. I didn’t. And even after I settled into my current apartment, every so often inspiration would strike and I’d check a purse pocket or pouch hoping I’d find the necklace. I never did.
This week construction guys are working on my apartment. I had to remove everything from one of my closets and now my belongings are scattered all over the place. I hate it so much but I’m taking it as an opportunity to clear things out. Sheets I never use? Donate them. A cord that I have no idea what it goes to? Recycle it. There’s a three-drawer storage bin I kept in the closet that I’ve opened a million times because I have cloth napkins and such I use regularly. For some reason this week I decided to open all of the drawers fully and empty them. In the top drawer, the one I open the most, was my grandmother’s necklace.
Here it is! The necklace.
I burst into tears when I saw it, not only because of the necklace itself but also what finding it reminds me: “What’s meant for you will always find you.” That’s a message I need to hear over and over again because as a worrywart, I don’t always believe that’s true. I’m scared I’m doing something wrong. That I’m “blocking” my perfect whatever or I missed the metaphorical boat. I’m not alone in that either. People say things like, “I missed the deadline to apply for my perfect job!” “My future romantic partner isn’t on a dating app so I’ll never meet them!” or, “Somebody else bought the house meant for me!” None of that’s true.
I’ve repeatedly seen that if something is meant for you, it will always find you. In fact, if it’s meant for you, you can’t keep it away. This happened to me with a pearl bracelet and other things too. So often I think I messed things up, that I blew my chance, that I can’t have what I want but finding my grandmother’s necklace again reminds me, no, what’s meant for you will always find you. It may take a while, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.
I dream of a world where we understand the people, things, and situations that are meant to be in our lives will. A world where instead of living in scarcity, we live in trust. A world where we know that yes, there are actions we have to take, but we don’t need to worry about missing out on anything because what’s meant for us will always find us.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.