Even though Passover is long over, I keep thinking about a story I heard. There’s a perception that during the exodus when God parted the Red Sea the Jews walked up to the water and tada! The water parted. However, Jewish teachings state that’s not what happened. The Jews waded into the water up to their knees and nothing. They kept going up to their waists and still nothing. Their chests, no change. The water came all the way up to their noses, meaning they could no longer breathe, and then the water parted.
So often when it comes to miracles, I want them to happen immediately, before I feel any pain. I want the Disney-fied version of events where there’s minimal struggle and I’m plodding along and everything is easy peasy. Sometimes life is like that, but oftentimes it’s not. Oftentimes, higher power waits until the last possible second to deliver a miracle. What to do? Keep moving with faith.
I’ll be honest, if I was escaping Egypt and kept wading into the water without being able to swim and not having a flotation device, I probably would have turned back. I don’t think I would have kept going. I would have acted from a place of fear and not experienced a miracle. I would have done the opposite of what Rumi advises which is, “Move, but don’t move the way fear makes you move.”
Even when it’s blurry, keep moving. Photo by Martin Adams on Unsplash
I often move the way fear makes me move, especially when it comes to money. Bank balance running low? Better apply for a million jobs even if I’m not really interested! No new clients? Start contacting everyone and their mother! But that doesn’t work for me. Desperation rarely does.
The question then, is how can I move with faith? What sort of decisions do I make when I believe things will work out? What if I truly believed the universe has my back, even if I don’t see any evidence until the last possible second?
From that place, I’m calmer, curious, and open. From that place, I remember the magic and the mystery of the universe. When I’m in faith, beautiful things can come out of the blue. I receive a random email or telephone call from someone looking for my ghostwriting or content writing services. I find a random object I’m looking for, such as Play-Doh, on the side of the street for free.
Tosha Silver writes in her book Outrageous Openness if you think of the Divine as your ultimate protection and your Source for everything, “Then the Universe can use anything it wishes to meet your needs. You’re no longer limited to what your conditioned mind thinks is possible.” She has countless stories of this happening in her life and in the lives of others. For instance, she found an apartment through a hairdresser and someone else found a literary agent by bowling them over in a yoga class. Fear leads us to believe we must force things; we have to make them happen. Trust and faith show us we can relax and be shown the next steps on our path. In other words, faith causes us to move differently.
I dream of a world where we soothe our fearful parts when they’re freaking out. A world where we understand what’s ours is ours and will show up at the perfect time in the perfect way. A world where instead of moving from a place of fear, we move from a place of faith.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
For the past few weeks, maybe longer, resentment has burned in my belly as I’ve seethed at the circumstances of my life. Where are all the things I was promised? The riches, the partner, the good health? The refrain in my head is, “I’m 33! I’m not supposed to feel this way! I’m supposed to have more energy than this!” And then I ask myself, “Says who?”
It’s a good question. Who told me life is supposed to be one way or another? Who said we’re all promised wealth, health, and partnership if we desire partnership? When I think about it, I likely picked up that story from the media, which praises a life of luxury, or from someone trying to sell me something. Someone who promised me all my dreams would come true if I purchased their course or their book.
What are my life’s promises? I’d like to read the contract again. Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash.
When I look at my spiritual philosophy, my teacher never said life would be easy, filled with sunshine and roses. In fact, he praised difficulties as they become the fodder for spiritual development. He said, “Human beings have been drifting along through constant clash and cohesion amidst endless waves of physical and psychic diversities.” That means at times we’ll encounter strife and at others we’ll encounter harmony. It’s unrealistic to think life will be easy all the time, because it won’t. That’s the nature of being alive.
I also think about what was actually promised to me, which is that I’ll move closer to the divine. That’s it. My teacher said, “Knowingly or unknowingly everyone is moving around [the Supreme entity]. Everyone is bound to move … This movement is a natural propensity born out of love for [the Cosmic Consciousness].” We keep moving closer and closer until eventually we unify with that Cosmic entity, according to my spiritual tradition. But nowhere is it written I’ll be thin, rich, pretty, and happily married.
When I take that perspective, I feel more at ease. It also makes all of my positive experiences even more precious. Nothing is promised to me, which gives me reason to cherish laughing with a friend or enjoying good food. Nothing is owed to me so it’s a privilege I’m able breathe freely or walk unaided. I can’t even count on the earth beneath my feet remaining solid, as a 3.5-magnitude earthquake reminded me the other day. Any thing can happen at any time, both good and bad. There are no guarantees in life other than once born we will die. For the time in between I’d like to see the good things in my life as gifts, to not take them for granted because they are not foregone conclusions.
I dream of a world where we realize there is no contract that stipulates we’ll all have health and wealth. A world where we realize there aren’t “supposed to’s” or how we “should” be as people or what we “should” experience. A world where we remember life didn’t promise us anything and that means what we go through is all the more precious.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
When I sat down to write this blogpost, the only phrase that came to mind was, "There is enough." There is enough time, money, energy, resources, and food. There is enough of everything. This is especially important as I'm wrapping up my life in Washington, D.C. I leave for Europe on Tuesday and when I come back I have about three weeks before I fly to California. My first impulse is to cram as much as possible into that time period, but I have to remind myself to put me first.
I think that's what a lot of what the past few months have been about, putting me first. I have a tendency to say "yes" to other people or activities without thinking about how it will affect me. I love my friends so much I want to say "yes" to every social gathering but I can't. Sometimes I need to say, "No."
I searched for ages to find an appropriate image to illustrate, “There is enough.”
On Saturday a friend texted me and asked what I was doing that night. I told him I had to rest and to pack. I so wanted to say, "Nothing! Let's hang out!" because I don't seem him often, and I wanted to make up for lost time. Also, when I was a kid, I spent many a weekend by myself, so I wanted to make up for my childhood. Because of my scarcity thinking and my past, these days I go in the other direction and want to binge on friendships and social activity. I want to say, "Yes" all the time. Reminding me there is enough of everything keeps me balanced. I don't have to worry about my friendships because they are strong enough, deep enough, _____ enough to withstand saying, "No."
Scarcity thinking is really another name for fear and I'm banishing fear from my life and my body. I'm choosing to believe there is enough of everything. That even if I don't get to see every single person I want to see and visit every single place I want to visit, that's alright. There is enough time to do it later. Some other visit. Some other trip. Some other year.
I guess what I'm saying is I'd rather trust in my creator, knowing all of my needs will be met. I'd rather strike a balance between activity and inactivity, between alone time and social time because there is enough of everything. I don't have to force anything and can instead let it flow and see what develops. I have that wish for others as well.
I dream of world where we all know there is enough of everything. A world where we share our resources to ensure that's the case. A world where we take care of each other and ourselves. A world where we say, "No," when we mean, "No," and, "Yes," when we mean, "Yes." A world where we trust all is well.
Another world is not only possible, it's probable.
I have never in my life been as financially poor as I am now. I know many people believe that by writing that statement I’m only making my financial situation worse, so in order to counter that sentiment I’ll also say I am increasing my financial abundance and that all of my financial needs will always be met.
Lately I’ve had tunnel vision when it comes to money. I feel like I’m forever saying, “No” to things because I don’t have the financial means. A friend suggested I needed a vacation and my first response was, “I’d love to take a vacation but I don’t have the money to fly anywhere,” which was true. However, the universe is creative and there are infinite ways to accomplish what I desire without involving money. In this case I used my frequent flier miles to head up to Seattle to stay with my parents.
Hallelujah! A vacation!
That may sound like the most obvious solution in the world but it was not because I didn’t have enough frequent flier miles and neither did my parents. But the universe always provides, as I’ve written about before. I stumbled across the website points.com, which allows you to shift loyalty points from one program to another! I didn’t have enough miles in any one program but I certainly had enough when I combined points! Thus I was able to take a much-needed vacation after all. (By the way, does anyone want to donate points to me so I can fly to my friends’ wedding in New Hampshire?)
Also, my current apartment is driving me crazy. I write that with only a touch of trepidation that my landlady will see it, but I’m banking on the fact she doesn’t know my blog exists nor have I ever sent her an e-mail in order for her to find the link. The place is fine at night after everyone goes to sleep, so yes, I’m sleeping through the night, but at other times I’m going out of my friggin’ mind. Last week her little rat dog BIT ME and DREW BLOOD. For the record, never in my life have I been bitten by an animal until last week; usually animals love me and beg to sit on my lap. So I’ve frantically been looking for new places to live and have been pretty depressed about it actually. (Moving AGAIN?!?)
But the universe provides and life can be lived without money. My dear friends announced they are going out of town for two weeks and I asked whether I could housesit. They said yes so for two weeks I get to have peace and quiet in a gorgeous San Francisco condo. Halle-frickin-lujah. The whole experience reminds me all of my needs will always be met and it doesn’t have to involve money even if at the onset I think it will. I am loved by the universe and will always be provided for.
I dream of a world where all of our needs will always be met. A world where we understand money is not the be-all, end-all we think it is. A world where we realize the universe is listening and it’s up to us to continue to ask and be open to what comes back. A world where we know life can be lived without money.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
This week I’ve been amazed by the generosity of spirit my book Just a Girl From Kansas has received. (For those of you who don’t know, I started a kickstarter campaign to raise the funds so I can professionally edit, design, and lay out the book.) I am so touched by just how much people have donated to the project. It’s only been five days and we already have more than $1,400. I’ve opened my inbox day after day and found donations ranging anywhere from $5 to $150.
For much of my life I felt like I needed to be number one in order to be successful. I needed to be number one in my class, the best writer, the best stage manager, the best whatever. Because if I wasn’t number one then I wasn’t successful! (And then there’s the whole not-feeling-worthy-unless-you’re-successful thing I’ve written about before.) And if someone else is successful that means I am not because there can only be “one” ______. Who says? Who says if I am successful no one else can be? Or vice versa?
I bring this up because this week I read an article in the New York Times about all these successful New Age 20-something women who are writing best-selling books and garnering a following. Something akin to panic welled up in me as I thought to myself, “If they are successful that means I won’t be! By the time I get published no one will be interested in my story because they’ll have read it all before!”
That viewpoint though is one of scarcity. It’s the belief there can only be one best-selling author, one great yoga teacher/painter/chiropractor/doctor/whatever. Why does someone else’s success take away from mine? It doesn’t. This great vast Universe we live in is one of abundance. There is more than enough for everyone. There is enough abundance in the Universe for everyone to share in it. There can be many best-selling authors, many award-winning actresses, many top-notch physicians. We can all be successful.
This week I also read a blogpost on HealYourLife.com from Peggy McColl who wrote about being number one:
If we can be genuine about generating the emotions of joy, enthusiasm, and abundance within ourselves, the universe will work with us to bring about situations that match these feelings. Letting go of the destructive belief: I can’t reach my goal if someone else reaches his opens us up to the more positive thought: There’s enough abundance in the world for everyone to share in it!
I want to feel that. I want to revel in someone else’s success because I know their success does not preclude mine. I want to feel joy for others because I know there’s plenty to go around. I want to feel the abundance raining down on me because there is enough for everyone. Everyone can be successful in their own right. In whatever that means for them. Every person has the capacity for greatness, for success. Why can’t we all be successful? I think we can.
I dream of a world where we feel true joy for someone else’s success because we recognize each life is different and my success has nothing to do with yours. Where we recognize the world we live in is filled with abundance and so there’s more than enough for everyone. Where we can each share in what the other has to offer because there is room at the table for all of us. Where we realize we are made to be different and thus my success will not look like someone else’s. Where we know we can have what we want and our creator is showering us with prosperity at all times.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.