I’m coming to realize how important self-acceptance is. I’m written before about accepting God’s timeline, accepting change, etc. but not a lot about accepting myself.
I bring this up because when I love and accept myself the way that I am, my life feels more peaceful, I’m happier and I feel so free. I can concentrate on things other than what’s “wrong” with me.
As a self-proclaimed perfectionist, there has been a belief within me before I could be loved I had to be perfect. Before I could accept myself I had to do things perfectly, look perfectly, act perfectly, etc. There was a whole lot of negative self-talk going on in my mind. A whole lot of, “Why did you do that?? Why did you say that? What’s wrong with you?!?” And it went even further. I did a lot of physical nit-picking, which unfortunately, is fairly common for women as far as I can tell. There’s a lot of feeling dissatisfied with our body/skin/hair for which we should buy a pill/cream/gel to fix.
Here’s an ad from the magazine lying on my floor: “Take your hair from flat to all-day FABULOUS with TRESemme 24 hour body.” And that’s not even the worse one I could find.
Inherent in TRESemme’s advertising copy is the idea flat hair is bad, undesirable, the opposite of fabulous. “Everyone wants full-bodied hair and now you can have it too with our product!” is the underlying message.
Personally I can say by focusing so much on my “flaws” I’ve been wasting my time and energy. So much of my mind space could be freed up for other things if I didn’t obsess about my physical appearance in a negative way, if I could love and accept myself as I am, right now. What a concept in Western society!
I may have a zit on my chin or frizzy hair but that does not diminish my beauty. I am a divine child of God no matter what. I am beautiful no matter what’s going on externally. My physical ailments are transient, brief flashes in time and space that do not require beauty products from TRESemme.
Last week I wrote about self-worth coming from within and loving myself no matter what happens. This week I can say I love and approve of myself no matter what I look like. I love and approve and accept myself just as I am, right in this moment. And I have that same wish for others.
I dream of a world where we love and approve of ourselves no matter what we’re doing and no matter what we look like. Where we accept our beauty at all times, recognizing our physical ailments are merely expressions of mental patterns that can be changed. (See “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay) Where we recognize the power of our minds to not only affect our lives but our bodies. Where we love ourselves unconditionally as God loves us. Where we accept ourselves for who and what we are, realizing all is inherently right with us. Where we realize our full potential as human beings to manifest the world we wish to see and the people we’d like to become. I dream of a world where the pervading concept is we are beautiful, we are loved, we are perfect just as we are. Where we are bombarded with the message, “There is no one else in the world like you, so cherish yourself as you are, recognizing your good and how wonderful it is you exist.” I dream of a world where we can all walk down the street feeling confident in our skin no matter what we look like, loving ourselves as we deserve to be loved.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Originally I wasn’t going to blog about this but yesterday a friend called me up and we had this very conversation so I figure it might be worth writing about.
Yesterday I realized I’d been wrapping up my self-worth into the success or failure of the nonviolent communication seminar I’m organizing. Unconsciously I felt the outcome of the event would be a reflection of me – of my worth as a person or something. I realized I’d been taking to heart how the event turns out because if the event “fails,” if 10 people don’t show up, it means I’m a failure, that I suck as a person. And similarly, if the event goes well it shows how awesome I am.
I’m using the NVC event as an example but substitute doing well on a test, putting out a CD, getting the lead role in a play, etc. The things that feel very personal to us, it’s understandable why we take them to heart. If my book (when I publish it) doesn’t sell, it’s understandable why I’d think it was a reflection of me. It’s understandable why I would spiral down into, “My writing sucks, people hate my book, therefore I suck as a person.” It makes sense but it’s also completely ridiculous.
The outcome of this NVC event/publishing my book/baking cookies/whatever is not a reflection on me. No matter what happens I am still a divine child of God. No matter what happens I still love and approve of myself. No matter what happens my worth remains the same.
This whole thing is a reminder to me about surrender, surrendering the consequences of actions, letting things be what they are. It’s a reminder to me to extricate my self-worth from any outside forces. My worth as an individual comes from me, from who I am, who I’m being. I’m reminded of something my friend Deva said to me. “You’re special not because of what you’re doing, what you accomplish or who you know, but rather who you are.” We are unique because we are expressions of an infinite loving consciousness. We are specific incarnations of God. How many CDs we sell, how many people show up to a seminar, is indicative of nothing other than selling CDs and people showing up at a seminar.
I love and approve of myself no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. From that space everything becomes so much easier. Less dramatic. I can detach myself from what I’m doing because outside forces are just that: outside of me.
I dream of a world where everyone loves and approves of themselves. I dream of a world where we express the artistic messages that come to us but we surrender the consequences. I dream of a world where we engage, inspire, transform but we know no matter what happens our worth remains the same. Where our worth comes from the inside, from who we are. I dream of a world where we float on an ocean of love, treasuring ourselves for the incarnations of God that we are.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Lately I feel like I’ve been getting steamrolled by life. All this change has been taking place both internally and externally that I’m having trouble assimilating because it just keeps going. I like change in small doses but this has been massive. Each day I wake up, look in the mirror and say, “Who are you?” I don’t recognize the person staring back at me. I keep hoping things will stop or go back to the way they were but they haven’t and won’t. Because life continues, no?
What I’ve been doing is resisting this change like anything. I’ve been thrusting my arms in the air, turning my head in the other direction and screaming, “Nooooooooo! I don’t want it!” I’ve been futilely trying to stop the change from happening, believing that if I resisted it, it wouldn’t come (hahaha). I’ve been confronting the dogma that “change is scary.” I guess I bought into the idea change is a bad thing and it’s better for me to just stay where I am where things are familiar. It’s better for me to remain the person I’ve always been because that’s all I’ve known and I’m quite comfortable with the way things are, thank you very much.
Today though I experienced a shift.
In yoga philosophy we have this concept of dharma, which translates into the essential nature or characteristic of something. So the dharma of fire is to burn, the dharma of human beings is to evolve and to move toward God. So actually, what could be more natural, more normal, more dharmic than growth and change? Why am I resisting this so much?
I also realized the growth will keep happening whether I like it or not. I can continue to resist and feel like I’m getting flattened, or I can accept it. I can embrace it and go with the flow or I can keep beating my head against the wall. Isn’t there some movie quote that says, “We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way?” I want to do it the easy way please. The easy way means accepting the change, embracing it, letting it happen.
I dream of a world where we recognize change is normal, natural and precious. A world where we love change because we see it as an opportunity for a better life and a better world. I dream of a world where I and others like me can accept the things that happen to us. Where we can dance in the divine rhythm with our heads held high. Where we let change wash over us and cleanse our souls. A world where we not only accept change, we cherish it for the gift it is.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
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