My self-esteem has taken a beating this week and it’s all been self-inflicted. I’m comparing myself to other people and coming up short. And look, I know someone out there envies me (and you too), that comparison is the thief of joy, etc., but that doesn’t help me in the moment when my chest burns and my cheeks get hot with envy. It doesn’t help when I’m looking over at so-and-so, marveling at their achievements and wishing I had the same but don’t. My rational brain might as well not exist for all the good it does me when I’m emotionally activated.
The emotional self needs soothing and one way I’m doing that is coming back again, and again, and again to a quote from Richard Tarnas‘ book Cosmos and Psyche. He says there are two ways of grappling with the universe and uses the analogy of two suitors to explain them. In the first approach, the suitor treats the universe as if it has no intelligence and is something to be exploited for his own gain. In the second, the suitor seeks to know you (the universe):
“[N]ot that he might better exploit you, but rather to unite with you and thereby bring forth something new, a creative synthesis emerging from both of your depths. He desires to liberate that which has been hidden by the separation between knower and known. His ultimate goal of knowledge is not increased mastery, prediction, and control, but rather a more richly responsive and empowered participation in a co-creative unfolding of new realities.”
In other words, we are all bringing forth something new and unique as we co-create with the universe. Yes, there are billions of people on the planet and many of them might be doing similar things to me but no person has my unique set of circumstances, experiences, beliefs, and talents. And I’m here to give form to something that would otherwise not exist in the 3D world.
We all have a role to play in co-creation. Photo by Steven Weeks on Unsplash
Posted on my bathroom mirror is the question, “What does my higher power want to work through me? And what part of self needs to step aside in order for that to happen?” It’s a good question. When I’m looking over at so-and-so doing such-and-such, I’m not asking that question. Instead, I’m asking why I can’t be like that person. Doing so robs me and the universe of a gift that could otherwise come into being.
I know it’s cliché to say everyone is unique and special but … everyone is unique and special. There is something only you can birth as you’re participating in a co-creative process with the universe. A quick story for you from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic: Liz had an idea to write a novel about Brazil in the 1960s that she summarized as such: “It’s about this middle-aged spinster from Minnesota who’s been quietly in love with her married boss for many years. He gets involved in a harebrained business scheme down in the Amazon jungle. A bunch of money and a person go missing, and my character gets sent down there to solve things, at which point her quiet life is completely turned into chaos. Also, it’s a love story.”
Liz researched this story, even sold the idea to a publisher, but got sidetracked by life things. When she came back to the idea two years later, it didn’t have any juice anymore. She couldn’t write it. During this time, she met Ann Patchett and they developed a friendship. They exchanged long, handwritten letters and Ann casually mentioned she was writing a story about the Amazon jungle which could be summarized in exactly the same way as Liz’s.
The finer details of the novel were different but the idea was essentially the same. There’s a lot I could say about this story but the relevant part for this post is that coming from Ann, the story was slightly different — it was a contemporary story, not set in the 1960s. Ann’s was about the pharmaceutical industry and not the highway construction business. She put her spin on it in a way that Liz could not. She made it special because it came from her, not Liz.
There are a ton of similar ideas floating around in the ether but the way I make them concrete, the way you make them concrete, matters. Focusing on what someone else is doing misses the point. All of us are special and all of us have something of value to bring forth into the world. The more we recognize that, the better.
I dream of a world where we realize we’re in a co-creative dance with the universe. A world where we understand every person is bringing forth something that couldn’t have existed without them. A world where we realize there may be a million similar ideas that people are working on but the way we work on them matters. A world where we remember that all of us are special.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
What follows is a post from five years ago about dreams and delusions that is relevant as I continue to chase my own dreams. Enjoy.
I read an article in my university’s alumni magazine the other day about Andre Ingram, who at 32 became a rookie for the LA Lakers. Reading his story, I teared up because the whole thing seems so surreal, so unlikely.
Since he was 8 years old, Andre dreamed of playing for the NBA. He played in high school and then at our university. Once he graduated, he toiled for years in the NBA’s minor league. And I mean toiled – he made $13,000 for the entire season in the minor leagues, which is less than what NBA players make for a couple of games. He tutored kids in math while his wife also worked. He says he thought about quitting several times, and some friends advised the same, or to find a better payday overseas. But he persisted.
“Every time I was ready to jump off that ledge something pulled me back,” he said. “Whether it was in training, when I’m hitting every shot I take, or in the weight room getting encouraged by the guys. My story is to let that voice, let that encouragement, pull you back in.”
Sometimes a dream seems unlikely but then it happens. Photo by Edgar Chaparro on Unsplash
Andre is the oldest American rookie in the NBA since 1964. His story fascinates me because at what point does a person give up on their dream? Sometimes a dream is a delusion. We’ve all seen those auditions on TV where someone thinks they’re an amazing singer or dancer and they have zero talent. To the rest of the world, it’s obvious the person will never be a star, but they can’t believe it.
At what point is it harmful to keep believing in a dream? At what point is it better to let it go? I don’t have the answers to those questions. I’m sure many people told Andre it was unlikely he’d ever play in the NBA. A 32-year-old with gray hairs competing against people 10 years his junior? What are the odds he could share the court with them? But it happened.
What struck me the most about Andre’s story is that quote about how something kept pulling him back. Every time he wanted to quit something kept him from doing it. That to me reeks of intuition, which my spiritual teacher says “establishes the link between the crude world and the subtle world. And as a result of a closer link being established between the subtle and spiritual worlds, and as a result of its closer acquaintance with the sweetness of the spiritual world, this intuition guides human beings along the path of spirituality.”
It seems to me that if something keeps coming up over and over again, it’s intuition, guiding a person on their behalf. We don’t know how that journey will unfold, and it likely won’t look the way we want it to, but I have to believe if some dreams don’t disappear, then they are meant to become reality.
I dream of a world where we pursue our dreams if something keeps pulling us back in. A world where we recognize the fruition of that dream likely won’t follow the route we intended. A world where we understand something may seem out of reach, but that doesn’t always mean it is.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
For the past few weeks I’ve been thinking about self-confidence and what I believe I’m capable of. At this point I’m paying attention to the universe and noticing over and over this year I’m making money from contract gigs and freelance assignments. Every full-time (or even part-time!) job I’ve applied for has rejected me. But the random contract gigs and freelance assignments keep rolling in.
I haven’t ruled out getting a regular job, but I’ve also decided to pursue my own business. I’m actively searching for individuals and small businesses that need blogposts, which I can write as myself, or I can ghostwrite them. (Ghostwriting means I capture the person’s voice, do all of the writing for them, but someone else is listed as the author of the piece.) You can check out my website for more information.
Seemed appropriate given the title. Photo by Free Nature Stock on Unsplash
All of this is a preamble to say I teeter on the edge of confidence and insecurity with this new venture. In some moments I exclaim, “I can do this! I’m talented! I got this!” and in others I moan, “Who am I to start a business? I’m talented but will anyone pay me what I’m worth? I’m not sure I can do this.” It has me thinking about humility. The word humility gets a bad rap and is often associated with humiliation or low self-esteem, but the way my recovery programs present humility is “simply an awareness of who we really are today and a willingness to become all that we can be. Genuine humility brings an end to feelings of inadequacy, the self-absorption, and the status-seeking.”
What I’m coming to is isn’t it a kind of cosmic arrogance to think I can’t do something if all signs are pointing toward yes, I can? Isn’t it thumbing my nose at the universe to keep declining something, to choose to keep playing small because of a notion of who think I am? I guess you could say I have a bit of an inferiority complex.
Related to this topic, Indian philosopher, poet, and linguist P.R. Sarkar said neohumanism is a philosophy that will “make people understand that they are not merely ordinary creatures. This philosophy will liberate them from all inferiority feelings and defects, and make them aware of their own importance; it will inspire them to build a new world.”
I identify as a neohumanist and that means I’m not ordinary, and neither are you. None of us are. It also means that something divine is working through me, that I’m used as a channel or a conduit. Who am I to say, “No, that can’t come through me”? To be human, it seems to me, requires surrender, letting go, and accepting what is. And sometimes that’s different and bigger than what I imagined.
I dream of a world where we practice true humility, which is an awareness of who we are and a willingness to become all we can be. A world where we accept and surrender to what the universe desires to express through us. A world where we accept sometimes the universe wants more for us than we want for ourselves, and in those cases we are still fully equipped to handle it.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
This week I texted a friend, “I will eat you out of house and home!” Did you know that idiom originates from William Shakespeare? Did you also know Shakespeare is credited with creating approximately 1,700 words? SEVENTEEN HUNDRED WORDS people. I bring this up because so very often I feel like a peon, a grain of sand on a beach, a speck in time, and I start to question what one person can really accomplish. I don’t have any superpowers, nor am I likely to cure cancer, but then I remember one person can accomplish a lot.
This man is pretty epic if you think about it.
I am inspired by hearing Shakespeare created 1,700 words that are still in use today. The dude died almost 400 years ago and yet we still remember him. That’s some power right there. He was one person, and yet he had a lasting effect on the world around him. He was a person just like me and he absolutely made a difference. And he’s not alone. Albert Einstein was another great man who revolutionized physics. One guy, huge impact.
So often I think I have to do something HUGE in order to leave an impression on the world, but in truth, each of these fellows followed their hearts and let the chips fall where they would. I doubt either of them foresaw people would still be talking about them long after their deaths. It’s amazing the sort of power one person can have on the world. One person can and does make a difference.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Mother Teresa: “We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”
If you’ve ever taken a dropper bottle and put drops of water on a penny you know there comes a certain tipping point where just one more drop breaks the surface tension and the water spills over the surface. We don’t know if we are that drop. We don’t know what ripple our actions will create. We have no idea how powerful we actually are, and that’s what amazes me today. To realize even though I am a small human being I am also powerful beyond measure. That I could also change the world and so can you.
I dream of a world where we realize we are powerful beings who can leave an imprint on the world around us. A world where we realize all of our actions means something and all of our actions add up. A world where we understand as Mother Teresa also says, “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
It seems lately I keep running into people who are trying to figure out what their calling is. What they were put on this Earth to do. I am by no means an authority but I do have some thoughts about it.
I believe every person on this Earth is here for a reason. There are no accidents, there are no coincidences.
One of the best things my friend Heather, who is a spiritual life coach, said is, “I came to this planet for a reason and that reason is being fulfilled in this very moment with grace and ease. As always.” I really think that’s true.
The question becomes how do you figure out the reason?
For me it’s writing. When I write the world vanishes, time stops and I feel like I’m transported somewhere else. When I write I feel like I’m brushing against the divine and accessing my highest, most true self. When I write I feel a connection to God. When I write I feel like I’m tapping into something greater than me.
I think every person has something like that in their life. I think every person has an activity where they feel graced and loved and true and beautiful. I think every person has something in their life where they are guided, where they are most connected to God. I think your “calling,” your reason for being here, is connected to that feeling. If it’s when you sing, by all means sing. If it’s when you paint, or design websites or bake cookies, do it! How can we not want to do the activity that makes us feel the most alive, the most graced, the most connected to God? How could our purpose on Earth be anything other than to tap into our gift? Whatever makes your heart soar you should align with, in my opinion.
Once you find your calling there’s the whole matter of following through with it. (See “Fear, Trust and Dreaming Big.”)
I think part of the problem with finding your calling is some people are so out of touch with themselves they have no idea what makes their heart soar or what they enjoy. It’s like we’re all floating in the ocean looking for our life raft. Some of us flail around a bit and then bump into it. Some people flail around and panic because they can’t find it. Some people just stop looking. For those people who have been floating for so long they can’t even remember what a life raft looks like, it becomes necessary to shout out for help. By all means, shout out for help! No need to tirelessly continue swimming when someone will throw you a raft. And I promise, you’ll get a raft. It’s a universal law.
I don’t think it matters if you have to seek a spiritual life coach or pray a lot or whatever to find your calling. Finding it is all that counts. Why should you torture yourself by doing a job you hate just to make money? Isn’t life too precious?
I dream of a world where everyone knows what they are on this earth to do and they aren’t afraid of pursuing it. I dream of a world where people are in touch with their calling and they use their gift to benefit others. I dream of a world where people are happy and joyful because they have a sense of purpose, a reason for being alive. I dream of a world where no one wakes up in the morning filled with dread because they have to go to their horrible job where they are barely scraping by. I dream of a world where everyone lives up to their utmost potential, where talent is encouraged and where we all realize our reason for being here.
I see that world. I see how we’re on the cusp of it. It is my deepest belief not only is another world possible, it’s probable.