This past week was stressful and exhausting. I didn’t have the energy to write a new post, but when I searched for one to share again, this one from December 2017 came to mind. Enjoy.
I envy other people’s success. Not in a mean or spiteful way – I don’t begrudge people their accolades, I think they deserve them – rather a part of me burns with yearning to have what they have. I’ve tried all the things I can think of to deal with envy – feeling it fully, using it as fuel for my own work, seeing it as an example of what’s possible, etc., but nothing has made a lasting difference.
This week the green-eyed monster struck again and I sincerely asked the universe for help. I don’t like feeling envious, it’s not something I enjoy, or how I’d like to respond to the success of others. The universe stepped in, as it always does, and I contemplated a prayer I say every morning. Specifically, that I act as an instrument for my higher power, that I may be of service to others, and that I’d like to be used as my higher power sees fit. This week it occurred to me my creative endeavors also apply.
Photo by russn_fckr on Unsplash.
On some level I already know this and it’s the main reason I have this blog, to use my words in service of others. I already believe my role as an artist is to establish a link between the finite and infinite, the mundane and the transcendental. In terms of creativity, it means I’m working with something more than me. Talk to any artist and they’ll tell you at some time or another it felt like they were channeling something, that something moved through them. Indeed, Elizabeth Gilbert has a mega-popular video on creativity saying exactly that. If that’s true, and I believe it is, it means I’m an instrument for my higher power. I’m the violin, not the violinist.
When I look at envy from this perspective, it means I’m not to blame for any success or failure. I’m the violin, I’m not in control of the music the violinist plays, nor am I in control of how well the music is received. I don’t know why certain things are popular and others languish in obscurity, but also I don’t know the mind of God. However, I’ve experienced enough synchronicity in my life to know I am a piece on God’s chessboard, that there is a greater intelligence at work. That means art too. It means perhaps certain things I write are supposed to reach a small number of people, and that’s it. I want to write a wildly popular book that lands me on the New York Times bestseller list, a segment with Oprah, and a prestigious award, but maybe every book has its own purpose and trajectory, and sometimes that means only six people will read it.
Envy pops up when my ego has gotten the best of me and I start thinking about my plans instead of the universe’s plans. Envy pops up when I think of myself as the violinist, not the violin. I have to take certain actions, I have to keep my instrument clean and my strings taut, so to speak, but the rest? It’s not up to me. Almost every successful person talks about a “lucky break,” being in the right place at the right time. I don’t think it’s luck, I think it’s grace, and that’s something I can’t manufacture no matter how hard I try. Nor am I supposed to. I’m the violin, allowing myself to be played, not the violinist.
I dream of a world where we realize we are not solely responsible for our creative successes or failures. A world where we recognize we are instruments for something greater than ourselves. A world where we take our egos out of the equation and merely allow ourselves to be played.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I envy other people’s success. Not in a mean or spiteful way – I don’t begrudge people their accolades, I think they deserve them – rather a part of me burns with yearning to have what they have. I’ve tried all the things I can think of to deal with envy – feeling it fully, using it as fuel for my own work, seeing it as an example of what’s possible, etc., but nothing has made a lasting difference.
This week the green-eyed monster struck again and I sincerely asked the universe for help. I don’t like feeling envious, it’s not something I enjoy, or how I’d like to respond to the success of others. The universe stepped in, as it always does, and I contemplated a prayer I say every morning. Specifically, that I act as an instrument for my higher power, that I may be of service to others, and that I’d like to be used as my higher power sees fit. This week it occurred to me my creative endeavors also apply.
We are all creative. Photo by david clode on Unsplash.
On some level I already know this and it’s the main reason I have this blog, to use my words in service of others. I already believe my role as an artist is to establish a link between the finite and infinite, the mundane and the transcendental. In terms of creativity, it means I’m working with something more than me. Talk to any artist and they’ll tell you at some time or another it felt like they were channeling something, that something moved through them. Indeed, Elizabeth Gilbert has a mega-popular video on creativity saying exactly that. If that’s true, and I believe it is, it means I’m an instrument for my higher power. I’m the violin, not the violinist.
When I look at envy from this perspective, it means I’m not to blame for any success or failure. I’m the violin, I’m not in control of the music the violinist plays, nor am I in control of how well the music is received. I don’t know why certain things are popular and others languish in obscurity, but also I don’t know the mind of God. However, I’ve experienced enough synchronicity in my life to know I am a piece on God’s chessboard, that there is a greater intelligence at work. That means art too. It means perhaps certain things I write are supposed to reach a small number of people, and that’s it. I want to write a wildly popular book that lands me on the New York Times bestseller list, a segment with Oprah, and a prestigious award, but maybe every book has its own purpose and trajectory, and sometimes that means only six people will read it.
Envy pops up when my ego has gotten the best of me and I start thinking about my plans instead of the universe’s plans. Envy pops up when I think of myself as the violinist, not the violin. I have to take certain actions, I have to keep my instrument clean and my strings taut, so to speak, but the rest? It’s not up to me. Almost every successful person talks about a “lucky break,” being in the right place at the right time. I don’t think it’s luck, I think it’s grace, and that’s something I can’t manufacture no matter how hard I try. Nor am I supposed to. I’m the violin, allowing myself to be played, not the violinist.
I dream of a world where we realize we are not solely responsible for our creative successes or failures. A world where we recognize we are instruments for something greater than ourselves. A world where we take our egos out of the equation and merely allow ourselves to be played.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Today I went to the Maker Faire. From their website:
Part science fair, part county fair, and part something entirely new, Maker Faire is an all-ages gathering of tech enthusiasts, crafters, educators, tinkerers, hobbyists, engineers, science clubs, authors, artists, students, and commercial exhibitors. All of these “makers” come to Maker Faire to show what they have made and to share what they have learned.
The faire was very cool and also very overwhelming because of the sheer amount of people and inventions. One such invention is the 3D printer. (Full disclosure, my friend works for MakerBot.)
In essence, you tell the printer, “I’d like to print a dragon,” and THEN YOU CAN. IN 3D. That wasn’t even the coolest thing at Maker Faire. I’m not sure what the coolest thing was because so many cool things were vying for my attention. Like dye that’s activated by the sun. And a replication of the Viper, a starship from Battlestar Galactica:
PEOPLE ARE SO INVENTIVE AND INGENIOUS. I love it. It’s amazing. What’s funny is today was also an annular solar eclipse! Look at these pictures some friends of mine took:
When there's a solar eclipse shadows are cast differently. Notice the crescent-moon shapes as opposed to normal blocks of light. Photo by Amy White.
The sun is so bright here even looking at the photo almost hurts my eyes. Photo by Annie Sexton.
So cool! So beautiful!
What I find interesting is today in particular natural and manmade makers collided. I am in awe of both what human beings are capable of making and also what nature has made. It’s something I can’t quite put into words because both are astounding. Both show me how special this world is that we live in because we do get to experience duality. At the same time we’re running around inventing things, we also get to soak up what nature has made. We live in a time where both are possible. And that is really cool.
I dream of a world where human inventiveness continues to be celebrated. A world where we continue to dream something and then manifest it. A world where we not only appreciate our own creations but those of the natural world as well. A world where we stop for a moment and realize how special the world can be.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I know this is so cheesy because we’ve all heard the phrase, “Dreams do come true” all the time, but as sappy as it is, it’s also a reality. Tonight I got an e-mail someone whose project I donated to on kickstarter was able to successfully finance his campaign. Stuff like that honestly does inspire me. When I hear of people who want something so badly and then it comes true. It’s touching to be a part of that process.
I LOVE hearing success stories because it reminds me that I too can be successful. There are so many naysayers in the world, people who say “I can’t,” I love when I hear of people who say “I can.” People who successfully raised nearly $1 million in their kickstarter campaign. People who kept auditioning for an acting role until finally they were cast. People who searched for their life partner well into their 50s and finally found someone who fit. People who open art galleries and self-publish books and discover planets and shoot for the moon. People who have a dream and then they achieve it. I can think nothing more inspiring than that. So often creative talents are squashed for more practical endeavors like majoring in business or becoming a dentist because loving parents are afraid their children won’t be able to “make it.” When instead those kids turn out to be sensations, wow. Amazing.
I’m reminded of that famous quote by Marianne Williamson in A Return to Love:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Yes. Absolutely. Success and inspiration are contagious and I hope we all strive forward, manifesting our brilliance. Because the more we do so the more we encourage others to do the same.
I dream of a world where we all chase our dreams knowing “failure” is really delayed success. A world where we grab onto hope with both hands and keep steadfast to our heart’s desires. A world where we know if other people’s dreams can come true, so can ours.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
This week I was in Boston for my sister’s graduation. The commencement speaker was Richard LaGravenese, an Oscar-nominated writer and director. He was funny and self-deprecating and inspirational. I highly encourage you to watch the whole speech and don’t be intimidated by the time count, it flies by, I promise.
What I really love about his speech is he spoke several truths. “You won't change the world but you will change your world.” Yes. How right is that? Each of us live in our bubbles that sometimes intersect with others, but for the most part we are in our own self-contained universe, which is why the law of attraction and manifestation is so powerful. What we put out in the world comes back to us. So yes, we will change our own worlds, several times in fact.
And here is a man who barely eeked by as an actor who followed his internal guidance. The nudge that kept pushing him to be a writer instead. And success followed him. Fame, critical acclaim, money. He trusted his gut and went after it. I can think of no more inspirational feat than that. A person who has a dream and chases it, not letting any obstacle deter them for long. And what’s so inspirational to me is that he achieved his dream. It may not be what he started off with, but it shows me how true my favorite expression, “Your wildest dreams are ant-sized compared to what lay ahead,” is. He never imagined his life would end up the way it did and in fact he says it’s better. Yes. Here is someone who models that, who reminds me the same can be true for me. Who shows me I too can chase after what I want and I may be surprised by what I get. He reminds me anything is possible and amazing things happen in the world. That not everyone is born to be a dancer or a singer, but that doesn’t mean they have to settle for second best, because perhaps they’re being pushed in a different direction. And that intuitional feeling, that gut, as he calls it, is never wrong. This too is where honesty comes in.
I think it’s important to chase our dreams yes, but also to be honest with ourselves and to look at our motivations. I think about all those contestants on American Idol who are convinced they are the best singers ever and I have to wonder, what is their motivation? Do they want to be on Idol to become famous, or because they love singing and moving people with music? If it’s the former then yeah, perhaps being a singer is not their path in life. Success follows talent it seems and not everyone can be talented in the way they want, no matter how hard they try. A teeny part of me would love to be a model because I enjoy being photographed but the brutal honesty is that I don’t have the body for it and even if I starved myself I’d never be tall enough. Them’s the breaks sometimes, but that doesn’t mean my life will be unfulfilling.
I dream of a world where more people are like Richard LaGravenese. Where people are their authentic, original selves. A world where people seek to express themselves rather than court the marketplace. A world where people have drive and ambition and create for the sake of creating. A world where people take risks even if they’re afraid to fail. A world where people focus on their own paths. A world where people follow their hearts and watch the magic of their lives unfold.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Lately I’ve been thinking about community, how everyone feels a need to connect. How as human beings an integral part of our existence is a longing to fit somewhere. Most of us already have a community we belong to, but what if that community were bigger and grander? What if we truly became a global community?
I envision a world where we take down our fences, our borders, our guards and “keep out” fades from existence. I envision a world where we all understand what I do affects you, what you do affects me — that we all affect each other. I envision a world where there’s a true sense of community around the world, so we cannot stand seeing our brothers and sisters suffer, and in fact we all take care of one another. I envision a world where the phrase “starving artist” ceases to exist because our creative people are allowed to express themselves in whatever capacity they choose and don’t have to worry about earning a living from their art. I envision a world where love is what makes the world go ’round. Where compassion reigns supreme and we all support each other. I envision a world where we are not only individuals but part of a larger group. A group that loves us, supports us and takes care of us. I envision a world where I cannot utter “I’m lucky I have a community” because everyone has a community. Everyone belongs. The lone wolf, the lone ranger, the outsider will no longer exist because we are all insiders. The circle will be huge and grand and encompass everyone. My community will be anywhere and everywhere. I can belong in the U.S., in Belize, in Iran, in China, in Namibia. I can belong anywhere. Everywhere.
I envision a world where my community is your community. Where you and I are linked. Where we all support each other without forgoing our individuality. Where I can strike out on my own but also look behind me and see the safety net waiting to catch me if I fall. I envision a life where the world is my community. The world is where I belong.
This world is already manifesting. I can already see it. Not only is another world possible, it’s probable.
The topic I’ve been hearing a lot about lately is money. Whether it’s a beggar on the street down on his knees holding up a Styrofoam cup pleading for pennies, or friends complaining about how broke they are, money seems to keep coming up. In our capitalistic society it’s easy to fall into the money trap, of becoming obsessed with it, fretting about it, letting it consume our thoughts. I for one hate this obsession with money, especially when I’m worried about not having it. There have been many examples in my life of being concerned about where I’ll get money from and then a job pops up, or I get asked to babysit or something but I think this story from my friend Anne does a nice job of illustrating how there is no need to worry. We will be provided for:
One of the things I’ve been stressing out about lately is rugby – not the sport itself, but rather the attendant costs and the necessities of having health insurance that seem innocuous until you’re unemployed. Specifically, I was worried about paying for next weekend’s tournament – Pumpkinfest
, which takes place in Philly and comes complete with gas and hotel costs.
Then last night, I went and worked a Redskins game as a Stingers fundraiser. I spent three quarters walking up and down the stands, hauling a bucket so full of beer that my arms were shaking from the weight, hawking my wares until my voice was raspy.
At the end of the night, I returned to the back room I’d been working out of all night, dumped the bottle caps out of my bucket, stripped off my sweaty, official yellow polo shirt, and took my cash apron to the woman who was running the show from her perch at a metal kitchen cart.
As I counted my wads of cash into piles on the table, she tapped numbers into a calculator, making notes of how much I owed and what percentage of my sales went as revenue to the team. When she finished she turned the calculator to show me the number at the top of the screen.
I squinted at it. “That’s it? That’s all I have to give back?”
“Yep,” she replied, already double-counting my cash. “The rest is your tips and you get to keep all of that. You did a good job tonight.” She paused to look up and smile at me, then gestured to a metal bucket next to her. “If you’d like, you can put some in for the kitchen crew.”
Blinking, I pulled out all of my small bills to drop in, then looked at what I had left.
It was enough to cover my whole weekend in Philly – hotel, gas, even enough for some food and maybe a beer or two.
I folded the cash into my pocket in a daze. Maybe it was exhaustion, maybe it was lightness from having one less worry weighing me down, but I felt slightly giddy. Walking out of the stadium to catch the shuttle to the employee parking lot, I remembered Rebekah’s posts about trusting the universe, and Jenna’s reassurance Saturday night, as she passed me another beer, that “We’re all ruggers, and ruggers take care of each other other.”
It’s true – it’s true, it’s true, it’s true. All you have to do is trust, and the universe – or at least the rugby universe – will make sure you’re taken care of.
I’ve been trying to keep this in mind as well as something my good friend Heather told me. She said to think more creatively when it comes to making money. Instead of focusing on job, job, job, notice other ways you can bring money into your life. When I stopped being so linear in my thinking I allowed other money possibilities to come into my life, like housesitting, babysitting and more freelance work. Just something to keep in mind. When I think about Anne’s story and the stories of others, I firmly believe that not only is another world possible, it’s probable.
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