I’m kind of on a hiatus right now what with visiting my family and going to a retreat in Missouri. However, I wanted to post one last message of hope and faith to close off 2009 and begin 2010. For your viewing pleasure I present:
Enjoy and rest assured another world is not only possible, it’s probable. =)
Keeping the faith is hard work.
When things don’t work out the way I want them to I start railing against the Universe: “Why are you putting me through this?? I hate you for doing this to me! Why can’t it happen the way I want?!?” etc. I get angry and pissed off and feel like screaming. Basically I turn into a petulant child.
It’s funny though because I’m getting upset things aren’t working out the way I want them to. Little ole me really thinks I know what’s best for my life as opposed to the force responsible for life and death? As opposed to the force that causes the world to spin? As opposed to the force that causes flowers to bloom and the sun to shine? Really? Really?
I think of something a friend said to me recently. She said every moment of anger/sadness/frustration is a love poem from our creator and it’s up to us to decipher it. I see how my frustration boils down to a lack of patience. How I want things to happen NOW, this instant. But some things cannot happen now. Some things take time. I see how my creator is trying to cultivate patience in me and unshakable faith.
And if I really think about it I’ve been shown time and again what’s best for me happens. I’ve been shown time and again my wildest dreams are ant-sized compared to what my creator has in store for me. But I’m human so keeping the faith is hard. I have a tendency to doubt.
For now I keep dusting myself off when I stumble on my path toward steadfast faith. For now I keep picking myself up and I keep going forward because I know where I want to be. And this? This is not it.
I want to be in a place where my faith does not waver. I want to be in a place of constant trust and surrender. I want to be in a place where I have no doubt my creator is taking care of me. Where frustration does not exist because rather I savor what’s in front of me. Where I understand things take time and I may have to wait a little bit. Where I am ok with the questions and the ambiguity because I have hope and faith things will be turn out and they will be glorious. Where I trust even the crappy hard things are in my best interest.
And I have that wish for others.
I dream of a world where we all turn our frustration into something positive. A world where we have patience. A world where we understand everything is in our best interest. I dream of a world where trust and faith reign supreme. Where we all truly believe the universe is taking care of us. Where we open ourselves up and surrender to the divine will. Where we allow ourselves to be carried like sailboats on the water because we know there is a force greater than ourselves guiding the way.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I know I already wrote a post about this but since it’s coming up for me again I decided to revisit it.
Lately I’m finding it hard to trust in God/the Universe/My Creator. Lately I find it hard to trust in an amorphous thing I can’t put my finger on. I find it hard to trust because as I mentioned in my previous entry, there are certain things I want so badly I’m worried if I let go, if I open my fist, if I give up the illusion of control, somehow they won’t come true. Somehow my dreams will be lost in the ether never to be realized.
I worry by trusting in a power greater than myself, by giving up my “control” I won’t get what I want.
And yet that’s not the case.
Last night I went to a Catholic Mass with some friends. The priest? pastor? said many things but one of his lines was to trust in God. To trust in God’s plan for us.
As I reflect on my life I see how it has all worked out in my best interest. God has my back, if you will. And not just my back but everyone’s back. I’m not alone in this or special or something. I bet if each and every one of us really examined our lives we would see how even our worst hell taught us something. How we needed to go through hell so X could happen.
I see how even when I wanted something so desperately, like to go to Northwestern University, it’s actually better I didn’t. I see how God knows what’s best for me even before I do. I see how God also has my best interest in mind. I see how I’m guided and pushed and pulled in a certain direction and even though I often feel like there’s a blindfold over my eyes, I never trip over tree stumps. I never end up with a bloody nose. Why? Because God loves me. And you. And everyone.
I also keep circling around something the famous Heather said: “Your dreams are ant-sized compared to what your creator has in store for you.”
So far she’s been right. I never in a million years would have told you this would be my life. I never would have guessed I would live in California or travel so much or experience the things I have. If I had it my way I would have lived in Maryland with two cats and a white picket fence by now. I see how God’s plan for me is so much sweeter, so my grander and so much greater than my own.
Even though I’m having trouble trusting as of late, I also see how I have no reason to doubt God. I have never been led astray.
I envision a world where I and others like me can trust in the Universe. Where we let go our need to control and instead let God lead our little life raft. I envision a world where we trust what happens to us is for our own good and stop trying to micromanage our lives. I envision a world where we try to align our will with God’s will and realize our utmost potential. I envision a world where all people strive for their dreams and never settle because it’s a “safe bet.” I envision a world where we not only trust but we know we’ll be taken care of no matter what. Where we open our arms and lift our hands up to the sky and proclaim, “You know what’s best for me. I trust in you.” Where we realize God’s plan for us is better than our own.
I know not only is another world possible, it’s probable.
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