Before this week I really wanted to follow someone blindly. I really wanted to be shrouded in ignorance and let someone else discern the truth for me. I wanted to be led and not have to worry about anything. I wanted someone else to know all the answers and to just tell them to me.
As a child the people I followed blindly were my parents. It was painful when I learned my parents are indeed human and thus make mistakes. After I learned I couldn’t follow my parents blindly I turned to spiritual teachers. Spiritual teachers must know everything and thus I can accept whatever they say, right? Except the spiritual teachers who encourage blind faith, who encourage their followers to never question anything, have a tendency to be the drink-the-Kool-aid variety. Yet, a part of me really wanted that. Really wanted someone else to come along and fill my brain so I didn’t have to think at all.
I don’t know for sure why people join cults but I think it might be so they don’t have to discern anything for themselves. It’s so tempting to surround one’s self with someone who speaks with conviction and confidence. Someone who claims to know all the answers. Someone who talks about the future and seems to know things. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of, “So and so said” to give authority to a statement. “Well if so and so said it, it must be true!” I think most people long for an ultimate authority, an ultimate truth, and that’s why Christians quote Bible verses and Jews the Torah and Muslims the Qua’ran. People are looking for a lasting and inarguable Truth. A truth above all other Truths.
I am no different. But this week I painfully learned no person speaks the Truth for all people at all times. The guiding principle I must rely on is my own higher self. The divinity within me. The only voice I must listen to is my intuition. If I think something is wrong, then it’s wrong for me. No one else has all the answers because everybody is just trying to figure out things for themselves. Beside the fact, as far as I know, all spiritual faiths say divinity resides within. We don’t need to go outside ourselves looking for answers. How can I truly honor that notion if I think someone else will be able to tell me how to run my life? Or that someone else knows better than I do what’s in my best interest?
The entire point of the spiritual path is to find God within me, and that means looking to myself for answers. Tapping into my higher power to learn my own Truth. It means living awake, it means discerning for myself what is in my best interest and what is not. It means trusting myself.
And so while learning the lesson of self-discernment was painful, I see now I am walking toward enlightenment. And enlightenment means knowing truth resides within me.
I dream of a world where we honor the God within us. Where we trust in ourselves and our intuitive ability. Where we seek within for the answers to our questions. Where we become self-discerning and autonomous knowing the truth within us is authority enough. I dream of a world where we allow for multiple truths, realizing the truth looks different from person to person. I dream of a world where we wake up our minds and bring our God-hood to the surface.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
So this week I’ve been in a funk. A part of me doesn’t even want to admit that because all I want to project is love and light and positivity out into the world. And the perfectionist side of me doesn’t want other people to know I get cranky sometimes (the horror!). What I realize though is this is an opportunity to love myself even further, even more deeply.
I think for a long time I’ve wanted to separate myself into parts. There’s the happy part, the sad part, the angry part, the fun part, etc. I’ve been placing a value judgment on the facets of my personality. Some aspects are “better” than others and so I should squirrel away the ones I don’t like, or so I thought. Being in this weird funk has shown me I am all my parts. I cannot be separated into different me’s – I am one and indivisible. The cranky person, the petulant person, the joyful person, the playful person – they are all me and no one emotion is better or worse than another. Every feeling falls in the emotional spectrum and each one is precious. They are indications I’m alive. And human life is a blessing.
By denying a certain side exists I only succeed in harming myself because it’s my way of saying, “This emotion is no good, I don’t like this part of me, I’m going to pretend it doesn’t exist.” In truth I am a divine child of God no matter what I’m feeling, no matter what I’m doing, no matter what I’m saying. God loves me at all times – when I’m fearful, when I’m spiteful, when I’m whiny – why can’t I extend the same courtesy to myself?
A few weeks ago I wrote a poem from God’s perspective about recognizing our magnificence and a part of the poem goes like this:
Love yourself the way I love you.
May you realize who you are so others may walk with you.
May you realize your own divinity so others may join you.
You are God’s child, perfect as you are, encased in love.
From your depths others will rise
So listen to your inner voice
And let your brightness shine through.
You are a great and magnificent divine being,
You are powerful beyond measure.
You are on this Earth so I may love you. Let me love me.
Love yourself the way I love you, unconditionally and eternally.
I suppose what I’m learning now is to love myself the way God loves me. To see myself through God’s eyes. To love all parts of myself, even the ones I want to pretend don’t exist. It’s funny that this should be such a process, it seems like loving yourself unconditionally would be the easiest thing in the world! I love my weird funky mood because it’s still a part of me. And I have that same wish for others.
I dream of a world where we all love all parts of ourselves unconditionally. Where we accept ourselves as we are right now. Where we allow ourselves to feel all emotions without judgment. Where we love ourselves the way God loves us. Where we rejoice in life. Where we allow our bad moods to come in and out like clouds floating by. Where we can be in a funk and know that’s ok. We are the full expressions of beauty and love in life just the same.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
This week I learned a lot about myself, where I am, and where I’d like to go. Someone I went to high school with died on Tuesday and it hit me like a Mack truck. We weren’t close but it brought up all this stuff for me. As soon as I heard the news I wanted to pick up the phone and call somebody, I wanted someone to comfort me.
As I walked home from work, tears leaking out from the corners of my eyes, my Papa did his best to pacify me. He said all the right things, made all the right soothing noises but it wasn’t enough. So then I called my mom. And she did all the same things. And it still wasn’t enough. And then I called some more people and it still wasn’t enough. After all this I realized, yet again, the comfort I crave has to come from me. The unconditional love, affection, and support has to come from within because coming from the outside it will never be enough. Because the outside love and comfort runs out. Because it’s unsustainable.
I think of it like a car. A car needs to run on gasoline but it can only go so far before it needs a refill. It’s the same way with getting love from the outside – it will help for a little while but eventually we’ll need more. Eventually we’ll run through the love and support someone else gave us and return for our refill. And keep returning unless we learn to refill ourselves. I’d rather generate my own love, affection, comfort and support because my supply is infinite. The love, affection, comfort and support coming from me never ends and never will end. And I don’t need a telephone or a computer to access it either, it’s right here with me at all times.
So here I am, back to self-love, back to filling up my own cup of happiness, back to relying on myself to meet my needs. Turning to myself for the unconditional love and support I crave. And I see how the more I love and approve and accept myself as I am, the more I can do that for others. Once I fill up myself, any leftovers can be given to other people.
The other issue Ryan’s death brought up for me was fear. Fear of what will happen to me. Fear I won’t realize my dreams. Fear of the future, which really means lack of trust. Lack of trust what’s best for me will happen. Lack of trust I’ll be taken care of. I would like to release my need for fear and instead turn my fear into trust and that’s done through love. Love for me and love for God.
Because life is magical, I of course came across this post on Louise L. Hay’s website (which I recommend reading) that deals with this very subject. Louise articulates exactly what I’ve been feeling using the exact same imagery. Before I came across the article, I wrote an e-mail to a friend saying how I think fear obscures our brightness. How fear is like a cloud that blocks out the sun. And how I’d rather live in the light. How I’d rather realize my own magnificence. In fact, that’s one of the affirmations Louise recommends: “I am now willing to only see my magnificence.”
And so, I realize I created this mental pattern, this need for fear, but so too I realize I can uncreate it. I have the power to change my mind and I use that power to create a life I wish to lead. I want to feel loved at all times. I want to feel safe at all times in all situations. I want to trust in my Creator and my Creator’s plan for me. I want to realize my magnificence and rise above thoughts that attempt to make me afraid. I am already cradled by the Divine in each and every moment – now it’s up to me to remember that.
I dream of a world where we love ourselves unconditionally. Where we feel safe in the here and now. Where we release our need for fear. Where we recognize ourselves to be bright, shining stars. A world where peace and harmony reign. A world where we feel at ease because we know and trust all our needs will be met. A world filled with magic and wonder and awe. A world where we see everything as an expression of an infinite, loving consciousness. Ourselves included.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve been such a social butterfly lately – flitting from one outing to the next – that when I finally do get a moment alone, when I do get a chance to sit and be with me, I feel lonely. I feel like I want to pick up the phone and call someone and have them come over even though it’s 10:30 at night. Or I’ll want to immerse myself in reading, watching t.v., browsing the internet. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, or the occasional escapism. What I’m saying though is when it comes to a point where I feel uncomfortable sitting alone in my apartment, that’s a problem.
I don’t feel this way all the time, just sometimes. I love and approve and accept myself but sometimes, when I’m home alone on a Friday night (by my own choice I should add), I feel lonely. The place where I’m coming to is I realize being in the presence of other people won’t solve the problem; it will only mask it for a while. Just like I cannot depend on others to “make” me happy nor do I believe other people can “take away” my loneliness, anymore than they could take away fear or sadness. It’s liberating and also obnoxious to realize I feel what I want to feel. That includes loneliness.
In this moment I feel lonely because I’m choosing to feel lonely. In this moment I’m choosing to lament my single-girl status, my Friday night solitude. In point of fact there are many loved ones in my life. In truth I have plans from now until mid-August. I’m not saying this to brag about how popular I am, but to illustrate how it’s all a matter of perspective. I can choose to continue feeling lonely or I can embrace the times I’m alone. I can choose to feel empty because there’s no one for me to turn to and say, “Sometimes Isla Fisher looks like Alicia Silverstone,” or I can rejoice in this period of rejuvenation. In this blessed time where I get to be with just me, where I get to worry about me alone, where I get to take care of myself without worrying about anyone else. What a gift! What a blessing! I can choose to thank the universe for this period all to myself where I get to be with just me or not.
The truth is I am always connected to the Divine source, even when I feel like I’m not. The truth is God surrounds me at all times and also resides within me. It’s up to me to remember that.
I’m also reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Shrii Shrii Anandamurti, the founder of the yoga and meditation group I’m a part of:
“Whatever the reason for this vast universe, as long as this universe continues to exist, I am here to love you. The force that guides the stars guides you too: here, into my loving embrace. I am yours.”
When I consider that how can I possibly feel lonely? When I consider the force that created all of existence guides me, loves me, showers me with grace, why would I choose to feel disconnected from it all?
I say right here in this moment I choose to feel gratitude for having this opportunity to nourish myself. I feel grateful I can be alone with me and do the things I wish to do. I choose to recognize loneliness, like the many other emotions I experience, is my choice. That I can choose to feel lonely or not. I say I’d rather feel full and content and complete as I am in this moment. That I’d rather recognize I am surrounded by God’s love at all times. That God’s love pervades me at every moment.
I dream of a world where people recognize they are in charge of their minds. Where they realize it’s ok to feel all their emotions, even the less-than-pleasurable ones. Where they embrace all their feelings and allow themselves to enjoy the full spectrum. Where they recognize even when they’re in solitude they are still steeped in God’s love.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Originally I wasn’t going to blog about this but yesterday a friend called me up and we had this very conversation so I figure it might be worth writing about.
Yesterday I realized I’d been wrapping up my self-worth into the success or failure of the nonviolent communication seminar I’m organizing. Unconsciously I felt the outcome of the event would be a reflection of me – of my worth as a person or something. I realized I’d been taking to heart how the event turns out because if the event “fails,” if 10 people don’t show up, it means I’m a failure, that I suck as a person. And similarly, if the event goes well it shows how awesome I am.
I’m using the NVC event as an example but substitute doing well on a test, putting out a CD, getting the lead role in a play, etc. The things that feel very personal to us, it’s understandable why we take them to heart. If my book (when I publish it) doesn’t sell, it’s understandable why I’d think it was a reflection of me. It’s understandable why I would spiral down into, “My writing sucks, people hate my book, therefore I suck as a person.” It makes sense but it’s also completely ridiculous.
The outcome of this NVC event/publishing my book/baking cookies/whatever is not a reflection on me. No matter what happens I am still a divine child of God. No matter what happens I still love and approve of myself. No matter what happens my worth remains the same.
This whole thing is a reminder to me about surrender, surrendering the consequences of actions, letting things be what they are. It’s a reminder to me to extricate my self-worth from any outside forces. My worth as an individual comes from me, from who I am, who I’m being. I’m reminded of something my friend Deva said to me. “You’re special not because of what you’re doing, what you accomplish or who you know, but rather who you are.” We are unique because we are expressions of an infinite loving consciousness. We are specific incarnations of God. How many CDs we sell, how many people show up to a seminar, is indicative of nothing other than selling CDs and people showing up at a seminar.
I love and approve of myself no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. From that space everything becomes so much easier. Less dramatic. I can detach myself from what I’m doing because outside forces are just that: outside of me.
I dream of a world where everyone loves and approves of themselves. I dream of a world where we express the artistic messages that come to us but we surrender the consequences. I dream of a world where we engage, inspire, transform but we know no matter what happens our worth remains the same. Where our worth comes from the inside, from who we are. I dream of a world where we float on an ocean of love, treasuring ourselves for the incarnations of God that we are.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
This weekend I got to talking about astrology with a friend of mine. He’s really into it so I asked him to pull up my birth chart. (For those of you who don’t know astrology is more than your horoscope. It’s complex and involves your birthday, birth time and location.) Anyway, he pulled it up and told me some things that really irked me, that really got under my skin.
I have to admit here I love astrology. I used to say things like, “Oooh, you’ll get along famously because you’re a Taurus and she’s a Cancer. That’s a really good combination.” I used to be all about the Sun squaring Mercury and Venus conjucting his moon or whatever. After my conversation with my friend though, I realized there has been a contradiction in my beliefs. How can I truly think anything is possible (and probable) if I’m operating under the notion the stars exert influence on me? That my life is destined to go a certain way because of my birth date? (I realize some of you may think astrology is bull hockey but just substitute astrology for “personality trait” or “upbringing” or “background” or whatever fits for you.)
What I’m saying is I think we were all born into this world with something. I’m not in John Locke’s tabula rasa camp. I think we all came into this world with innate tendencies, certain characteristics, karma, if you will, to rise above. But that’s the point: we can rise above anything. It may say in my astrological chart that I burn through money but that’s not the way my life always has to be. It’s something for me to take note of, to watch out for but that I can change. I can change anything. My mind is more powerful than I know and the thoughts I project into this universe come back to me. If I think I will always be poor, I will be. If I think I will be rich, I will be. There is of course action that is also required. If my chart says I’ll be wealthy that doesn’t mean it will happen if I sit on my tush all day and wait for money to fall from the sky. (Although since I’m allowing for all possibilities I have to say this may happen to some people.)
What I’m saying is I think there is an element of destiny in everyone’s life. There are certain things that must happen due to actions we set in motion, either in this life or a previous one. It’s a law of nature that for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. It may be my destiny to get in a car accident but that accident may be a fender bender, crunching up the hood, or a crash replete with flips and crushed metal and broken glass. The severity of things can change. And how I react to situations is up to me. I can say, “Dear Lord, thank you for keeping me safe, for softening the blow of this accident, for taking care of me always,” or “Why are you doing this to me?!? I hate you!!! Everything sucks!!!” Life is what you make it.
There are certain things that must happen but there is still an element of free will. My thoughts still have an effect. My actions still mean something. Just because I came into the world with something doesn’t mean it has to stay with me. I guess I’m saying destiny can change, fate can be altered. The future isn’t set in stone. Astrologically I may be suited for a job as an engineer but if in my heart I want to be a ballerina I can be. I can be anything, I can do anything, I can have anything with God’s grace. There are no limitations. No matter what the stars say, no matter what personality traits we may have, no matter what our upbringing, we can do anything, we can change anything. I’m reminded of an affirmation I posted in April because I think it’s pertinent:
“In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete, and yet life is ever changing. There is no beginning and no end, only a constant cycling and recycling of substance and experiences. Life is never stuck or static or stale, for each moment is ever new and fresh. I am one with the very Power that created me, and this Power has given me the power to create my own circumstances. I rejoice in the knowledge that I have the power of my own mind to use in any way I choose. Every moment of life is a new beginning point as we move from the old. This moment is a new point of beginning for me right here and right now. All is well in my world.” – Louise L. Hay
I can change, you can change, we can change. We are all powerful beyond measure. We were given certain circumstances, certain characteristics in this life to work through, to work on, but life is what we make it. I choose to live life the way I want. And I have that wish for others.
I dream of a world where we rise above our circumstances, where we veer off the roadmap given to us at birth and make our own way. I dream of a world where we decide what we want in life and then go after it, knowing anything is possible. I dream of a world filled with joy and love and grace. A world where we account for free will and the power of choice. A world where we understand things can change, do change, will change. A world where we recognize the power of our minds and the part we play in our life. A world where we know we can manifest anything and we can change ourselves and our relationships. A world where we know the power is within us at all times.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Yesterday my company had another round of layoffs, from which I was spared. Last night I talked to my friend, expressing to him I felt so powerless and frustrated about the whole thing. He reminded me I’m not powerless, I’m not helpless. Just as I project thoughts into the universe about my needs and wants, so too can I do the same thing for the world. Obviously this entire blog is an expression of that but really his comment got me thinking my dreams do make a difference.
The whole conversation reminded me to keep dreaming, to keep projecting what I want this world to be like and eventually, in the proper moment, that world will manifest. When God deems fit, the world we wish to see will rise to the surface like a bubble fizzing through carbonated water. In the meantime it’s important to keep dreaming, keep talking about the world we’d like to see. To dream collectively, if you will.
I see how it’s important not just for me to declare what I’d like the world to be, but for others to do the same. If a bunch of us keep talking about how we’d like a peaceful world, a loving world, a world where people are valued above all else, where all our needs are guaranteed – God has no choice but to make it happen. The universe has to grant that wish – isn’t that what the law of attraction is? Project what you’d like and eventually it will come to fruition? So wouldn’t it follow the same is true on a grand, macro scale? The same is true for how we’d like the world to be?
To that end I encourage everyone to start dreaming, and dream collectively if you can because united we are more powerful than we are individually. (For anyone in the Bay Area I’ve created a meetup in September for expressly that purpose.)
I know and trust a better world will grow like a sapling coming from the earth. I know and trust the force of our collective vibration will burst out like the sun after a rainy day, drenching us in warmth and light. I know the world we wish to see will manifest if we keep on projecting what we want.
So here are some of my dreams:
I dream of a world where people are treated as the valuable creatures they are. I dream of a world where all our needs are met. Where we are guaranteed food, education, clothing, shelter and medical care. A world where we wake up each morning secure in the knowledge we are all taken care of. I dream of a world where each person can realize his or her full potential because we recognize the only barrier in life is our own mind. I dream of a world where love reigns supreme. Where we do cartwheels in the fields of life and laugh uproariously. I dream of a world filled with joy and ease and grace. A world where we know love, give love, receive love. A world filled with peace. A world where we live in the moment, enjoying what’s before us, feeling grateful for what we have. I dream of a world where we know anything is possible through God’s grace and we only wish for what’s in our best interest. I dream of a harmonious world, a peaceful world, a loving world.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
This week I finally understood the law of attraction. I’ve been writing about it for a while, but on Tuesday something finally clicked.
I used to think of myself as a passive participant in life. I used to think the Universe acted upon me and there was nothing I could do about it. I guess I held a bit of a victim mentality, a “the world does stuff to me and I don’t like it but there’s nothing I can do about it,” perspective.
I finally understood though that’s not true. That for the most part what I experience in my life comes from the thought-waves I project. Enlightened beings – angels, gurus, etc. – intervene from time to time but mostly I’m responsible for my own reality. For the most part, my life is what I make it. If I choose to be stressed, I will be. If I choose to be relaxed I will be. But beyond my mood and how I choose to react to things, I also create situations for myself. If I worry I’ll be stuck in a dead-end job, I also create that reality.
From that point I jumped to the understanding anything is possible. I realized thought-waves and mental vibrations can truly create anything and everything. From there I took a dangerous, ego-filled step to believing I can do anything. I even wrote, “The universe is my plaything. It’s a big ball of clay to be molded.” And while I do still believe anything is possible and the mind can accomplish great things, I overlooked some important points. I started on an ego-trip, feeling puffed up by my own power.
What I stepped away from is knowing I do not run the show. There is an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent entity that has a much broader perspective than I do. The things that happen in my life? God/Paramapurusa/the Supreme Entity/the Universe/Cosmic Consciousness allows them to happen. I don’t even know “allow” is the best word but it’s the best I can come up with. I’m stepping back and remembering God truly makes everything happen. I may be given the capacity to do things, but that capacity was given to me by God. Everything I do in my life, everything I’m capable of, everything I experience is because of God’s grace. Yes, there is an interplay of energy, I send out a thought-wave, God sends something back, but that’s the crux of the matter: God sends something back. “I” do nothing.
I guess what I’m saying is God ultimately decides everything. God decides whether to “grant” me my desires. God decides the timing for everything. God decides. Yes, there is some autonomy on my end but mostly it’s a partnership with the Universe. I am neither superior nor inferior to God but my human mind can only grasp so much whereas God can see the past, present and future, so God can determine whether my desires are in the highest good for all parties involved.
Lastly I wanted to say I am a divine instrument. God works through me, through everyone. God uses me as a tool to accomplish certain things. The more I brush my ego aside – my wants, my desires, my way of thinking – the better. Getting caught up in my own selfish yearnings will ultimately be my undoing. So again, this is where surrender comes in for me. Aligning my will with God’s will, wanting only what God wants for me and also recognizing everything in my life is through God’s grace.
And I also wanted to say there is no separation. I am God and God is me and we are united. “I” ultimately do not exist, rather I am a specific manifestation of God, pieced together in a certain way to accomplish a certain task at a certain time. I am one with the Supreme and the Supreme works through this human body to achieve things in the physical realm. We are one and the same. So truly the only barrier between me and God is my ego, which is why it’s all the more important to realize what entity truly holds all the cards.
I dream of a world where I and others like me do not fall into an ego trap. Where we crumble our egos and allow God to work through us like the divine instruments we are. Where we truly remember everything in life comes to us through God’s grace. Where we strive not for money, prestige and occult powers, but for love, liberation and pure bliss. Where we know anything is possible but ultimately our power comes from a source greater than ourselves. Where understand we each have a divine purpose and we try to attune ourselves to what that purpose is. Where we see God in everyone and everything and know we are special because we are a specific incarnation of divinity put on this Earth for a specific reason. Where we give love, receive love, know love. Where we wake up and try to realize our true potential as human beings. Where we surrender our desires and strive instead to know God’s will for us.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve been dancing around the topic of surrender since I first started this blog because it revolves around the issues of planning, control, trust and fear. Basically everything.
“But what is the best way to surrender? Prayer? Asking God for this and for that? There the responsibility for what you ask is yours – you might ask for something very inferior, although you approach the All-Powerful for it. The best prayer is, therefore, ‘Oh Lord! Do whatever you think fit and best for me. I do not know in which way lies my good – You know.” – Shrii Shrii Anandamurti
When I think of surrender I think of letting go. The phrase “letting go and letting God” comes to mind. I have had many conversations with my father where I’m blubbering on the phone about how stressed I am or how I want something or how I’m extremely frustrated, something like that. He’ll say to me, “Rebekah. Unclench your first. Soften. Soften.” I HATE it when he says that to me but undoubtedly he’s right. I’m holding onto something too tightly. I’m gnawing on an idea or situation like a dog with a bone. I’m clenching so tightly nothing can flow or move. Certainly not what I want to happen anyway. So surrender to me is loosening my grasp on whatever it is that gives me trouble.
In the past I’ve used the imagery of dandelion seeds blowing out of my hand and being carried by the wind. That imagery works for me but so do some other things.
When I’m holding tightly I say, “God, I just want what’s best for me. You know what that is. I want to align my will with your will and to know your plan for me. I give it to you and put it in your hands.” Some other methods I have for surrender are writing down everything associated with the event/person/idea, every thought I have, and then ripping up the piece of paper and burning it. Or flushing it down the toilet. The point is I’m getting rid of it, I’m letting go, I’m surrendering in a physical way. Some people do this same sort of thing with a box, called a God box. Another method I have is to get on my knees and imagine a lotus flower in my hands. I close my eyes and let a color spring to mind and offer it to God by placing it on the floor before me. I do this four times and on the fourth the flower is white because white is the color that encompasses all colors. It is the color of surrender and acceptance. I fall completely to the floor and prostrate myself before God in an act of humility and surrender.
Why surrender in the first place? Threads of this run through my blog – God has sweeter plans for us in mind, things are easier, etc. Mostly though I surrender and want to surrender because then it’s no longer in my head. It’s no longer something I’m worried about or obsessing over and I get peace of mind. I feel tranquil and calm. I feel better, easier, and yes, softer. I feel carried by a force greater than me and I can relax. I can sink into the feather bed my creator put before me and let someone else take over for a while. I get to nap instead.
Surrender is something I’ll have to do over and over again I’m sure. It’s not like I can surrender once and boom, that’s it. It doesn’t work that way because there will always be new situations, new people, new things. But what I hope is I will surrender faster and faster. Instead of waiting for my idea to fester, I want to surrender when it’s a mere scratch on my skin as opposed to a deep wound. I want to let go of it more quickly. And I trust pretty soon it will get to the point where I’m surrendered all the time. Where I’m dancing in the divine rhythm and surrendered at each and every moment.
I dream of a world where we give up our own notions and instead attune ourselves to God’s. A world where we say, “I do not know what’s best for me. You do. I give it to you.” A world where things are easy and filled with grace. Where we let go of the ideas that keep us fettered to our own minds. A world where we let go of the idea we know what’s best for us and instead turn to something bigger than ourselves. A world where we move in the divine flow and paddle with the current as opposed to against it. A world where surrender comes naturally and we live it day by day, moment by moment. A world where we sync up our lives with what God has in store for us and understand God’s plan is always better. A world where letting go is a good thing, a great thing, a God thing.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
What’s coming up for me this week is patience and timing. I feel like I finally know and understand that virtue. I realize things happen on God’s timeline and there’s nothing I can do about it.
There are some things in life I really, really want. In the past I’ve taken steps to attain those goals and felt impatience/frustrated when I didn’t get what I wanted the very minute I wanted it.
When I moved to
I see how God has a timeline and it more than likely does not match up with mine. I mean, really, I joined a temp agency and didn’t get a stitch of work. Not a single job. I just have to laugh because clearly it all happened when God deemed fit.
It’s a lesson I’m applying to my current situation as well. I really want to be in a relationship. I really want a companion in my life. I get out a lot, I know tons of people, I’m on a dating website, but it’s not happening. I’m doing everything a person can possibly do but it’s not manifesting. Here’s the thing. It’s not up to me. Not really. The timing has to be right, not just for me but also for whomever I’m going to end up with. My life is clearly guided by a force greater than myself, a force that knows what’s in my best interest and that’s something I’m learning to accept.
I guess what I’m saying is I finally accept there are some things (many things) I do not control. Many things, like timing, are out of my hands. I can finally accept that. And in my book acceptance is a synonym for patience. I accept I’ll be in a relationship when God deems it time; I accept I’ll get to the front of the line at the bank when I do; I accept the bus will come when it does. When I accept what life is I feel patient. I can either beat my head against the wall in frustration or I can enjoy what’s before me. (This is where being present comes in.)
I choose to accept my life as it is, to feel content with what’s before me. I choose to enjoy my situation, feel satisfied with the present moment, and know everything has a timeline and will eventually blossom. I choose to savor every drop of my life because this moment is all I have. I know some things take a while and I’m finally willing to wait.
I dream of a world where we realize change can happen at any moment, every moment, not just externally but internally as well. A world where we recognize things happen according to God’s timeline and in the meanwhile the best we can do is enjoy what is. I dream of a world where each person is filled with ease and patience and joy. A world that caters to our best interest as opposed to instant gratification. A world where patience is valued, where we’re willing to wait for what we want. A world where we are present and content and happy.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
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