Piggybacking on my post from last week about a new definition of perfection, I’m pondering a new definition of “good.” When I think of “good” or “being good,” it’s usually in a binary way: “This is good, this is bad.” And often “good” is from an outside source. I’m “good” if I follow the rules, if I do the things other people tell me or want me to do. But because people are contradictory (myself included), I’m also a rulebreaker. If I think a rule is stupid or doesn’t make sense, I won’t follow it. A fight I had near constantly when I lived in London was, “No, I don’t want to do it this way just because it’s always been done that way.”
The past few weeks I’ve toggled between wanting to do things my way and wanting to do things other people’s way, with my inherent goodness at stake. My therapist encouraged me to change my definition of good to encompass living in harmony with nature and all created beings. She specifically told me to look up “walking the beauty way path,” a Navajo/Diné concept.
Diné historian Wally Brown explains in a video that anyone can find their own way to walk in beauty, regardless of their background or beliefs. What the beauty way path means, fundamentally, is acknowledging the sacredness of all life and trying to be in alignment with the natural world. Instead of, “Did I follow a rule that someone else set?” it’s, “Am I treating all beings with respect? Am I striving for inner peace?” If so, I’m walking the beauty way path. There’s a prayer to go along with this concept that I’m including below:
In Beauty may I walk.
All day long may I walk.
Through the returning seasons may I walk.
On the trail marked with pollen may I walk.
With grasshoppers about my feet may I walk.
With dew about my feet may I walk.
With Beauty may I walk.
With Beauty before me, may I walk.
With Beauty behind me, may I walk.
With Beauty above me, may I walk.
With Beauty below me, may I walk.
With Beauty all around me, may I walk.
In old age wandering on a trail of Beauty,
lively, may I walk.
In old age wandering on a trail of Beauty,
living again, may I walk.
It is finished in Beauty.
It is finished in Beauty.
This prayer reminds me of a similar concept in my spiritual tradition: madhuvidyá, which literally means “honey knowledge.” Practicing madhuvidyá means seeing beyond the surface of people, places, and things to witness their true form. It’s recognizing everything is Brahma, Cosmic Consciousness, Source, the Universe, whatever name you have for it. In other words, it’s seeing beauty everywhere.
The beauty way path means recognizing I’m enveloped in love and beauty. That love and beauty are me. And if I’m treating others as if that’s true, I don’t need to worry about being “good” or “bad.” I’m doing something else – I’m walking a path, adjusting and course-correcting as need be. I may not always see the beauty in me or around me but that’s OK because as with everything, it all comes down to practice.
I dream of a world where we toss aside the binary of good/bad. A world where we focus instead on treating others with kindness and respect. A world where we see the beauty above us, below us, behind us, around us, and inside us. A world where we walk the beauty way path, whatever that means for us.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve been lying to myself for quite some time now. I’ve believed something that is blatantly not true but I’m resentful it’s false. You see, I honestly believed if I was a good girl, if I behaved, I would get everything I wanted. I believed God was like Santa Claus who rewarded the virtuous and punished the wicked. If I ate all my vegetables and treated people with kindness I would get a Barbie Dream House. What do you mean that’s not true?
This belief could also be called “entitlement,” which is particularly insidious because it taints my relationship with a higher power. Entitlement coats the relationship with resentment. It enrolls me in a game no one else is playing.
I started thinking about a world where a Santa Claus God did exist. What it would look like and who I would be. Spoiled and selfish for one. All I would do is take, take, take. Ask for more from my higher power. There would be no love, there would be only ego. My ego would overcome everything, consume everything until ultimately it destroyed the world. Would I care about the environment? About other people? Probably not. Life would be about me and my desires and how they can be satisfied. I would only be good and kind as a means to an end.
Here is what I understand now. If life operated the way I wanted it to, where I could bargain with God, I would never find the divinity resting within me. I would never understand how we’re all connected. I would never move closer to the light. How can I merge with God if I feel a separation? That’s what “merge” means. No distinction. If God constantly resided outside of me I would never become enlightened because there would always be two entities: me and God. I’m not sure I’m making any sense but I guess I’m saying in order to move closer to the light I have to become the light. I have to become divine. I have to become my higher power and I cannot do so if I think I’m anything other than light, love and divinity. So really this Santa Claus God complex is just another ego construct.
Here’s the other thing I realized. I am gifted by the universe not because I’m a good girl who gives up her seat for the elderly, but because I am loved. My higher power loves me so much I am bestowed with the things I desire. That is the true meaning of a gift. It’s an act of love. I may be bargaining with my higher power but my higher power is not bargaining with me. HP just loves me and wants to show that love by giving me a gorgeous apartment in San Francisco, a job I enjoy and a plethora of friends. My higher power wants me to have what I want just because I’m loved. So the resentment I’ve been carrying around? The good-girl complex? They’re all for naught. Entitlement and Santa Claus are both lies.
Lastly I’d like to leave you with a saying a friend of mine has. He said when he asks his higher power for something he gets three answers: “Yes,” “Yes but not now,” or, “No but I have something better for you.” Nothing ever comes to me as a means of punishment. It doesn’t matter how well I behave. That’s not why I’m getting my heart’s desires. They are coming to me because I am knowingly or unknowingly riding a current of love.
I dream of a world where we stop bargaining for what we want. A world where we realize we do not control what gifts we receive. A world where we understand gifts are tokens of love, especially when they come to us from a higher power. A world where we let ourselves be loved just as we are.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.