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Happiness is Not on Layaway

By Rebekah / February 28, 2011

“When I publish my book, I’ll be happy. When I marry a gorgeous guy, I’ll be happy. When I finish all my work, I’ll be happy.” When, when, when. I know I’ve written about happiness before, but now I’m deepening my understanding of it.

Lately I feel like I have a split personality disorder because there is the voice of my ego – the one that tells me I can only be happy once I achieve certain things – and then there’s the voice of love. I’m discovering another big lie I tell myself is happiness lies in the future. That happiness is contingent on the presence of certain things. Rev. Michael Beckwith refers to this as happiness on the layaway plan. I’m doing things now so I can be happy later.

What? How does that even make sense? By that token my happiness will always remain in the future, or like Abraham Hicks says, I’ll be happy for a second before I’m focused on my next “want.” What a horrible way to live. I mean, yes, I think it’s important to have goals and desires, but to always place my happiness in the future seems like a sad state of affairs.

I think this is the crux of living in the now because ultimately only “now” exists. If I constantly think I’ll be happy tomorrow, I will never be happy because tomorrow never comes, as my dad likes to say. There is only now.

I guess I’m waking up to the fact I can be happy anytime, in anyplace, during any situation. I’ve heard tale of extremely poor people who still seem incredibly happy and at peace. Those writing about the impoverished are often baffled as to why. “These people have nothing! They’re living in a shack! Why are they so happy?” I think this is it. They’ve learned the art of living in the now. They’ve learned the art of gratitude and appreciate. They understand happiness is in the present.

Tonight I also started contemplating the dangers of trying to “make” someone else happy. Is that even possible? Is that even something I want to strive for? It seems like an awfully burdensome road, constantly trying to make other people happy. It seems much wiser to just allow people to create their own happiness and hope I can come along for the ride. What a relief. To no longer believe I’m responsible for anyone else’s happiness. To recognize the best I can do is follow a moral code, learn from my mistakes, and apologize when I hurt someone. And really, that’s it. I am only responsible for my own emotions, and usually not even then.

I’m getting a little off track here but I guess I’m saying there is nothing in my future that will make me happier than I am now. I only think there is. Having said that, yes, it’s important to follow divine guidance and what my heart says because that puts me in alignment with my higher power, but I don’t have to wait to do that. I can move closer and closer to infinite love and peace each and every moment just by getting quiet. By expressing my innermost thoughts and feelings. Because when you come down to it, isn’t that what happiness really is? To feel love? Who says I have to wait?

I dream of a world where we feel happy now, where we feel peace now. A world where we understand happiness comes from gratitude and appreciation. A world where we reach up and grab the happy feelings because they are there for the taking. A world where we feel love both internally and externally.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Unconditional Happiness

By Rebekah / July 16, 2010

It’s funny that I would title this post “unconditional happiness” when for the past few days I’ve been an emotional wreck – I flipped out on my best friend, cried to my mom, and have been feeling otherwise all over the map. I am by no means an authority on happiness (does such a person exist?) but I do know some things to be true for me.

After my raw post from last week certain things came to light. I’ve written before about not living my life on a layaway plan, not projecting my future happiness on winning a gold medal or whatever, but I did just that. I thought I needed to get exactly what I wanted before I could be happy. I couched it (subconsciously) as, “As soon as I get X, then I’ll be happy. Then I’ll feel at peace.” My breakdown last week reminded me of the fallacy of placing the cause of my happiness on anyone or anything other than myself. I was reminded that I do not have to wait for happiness. I don’t have to put it off. I can choose to be happy right here and right now.
How does a person even do that? How do they shift their feelings and feel whole and complete with what’s in front of them?
In a conversation with my best friend he asked me, “What is the purpose of your life?” and I responded, “Liberation.” And then he said, “What is the purpose of this life?” and I said, “To experience bliss.”
“What is the definition of bliss?” he said.
“I don’t know. How can you define bliss? It’s an emotion. It’s a state of joy.”
“And what’s joy?”
“Why are you asking me that? How am I supposed to describe joy?” (He and I have a very cantankerous relationship at times.)
“Just try.”
“It means to experience happiness.”
“What’s happiness?”
“To experience contentment.”
“And how do you experience contentment?”
“By being appreciative and grateful for what you have.”
Ah. Ding. Happiness starts with contentment. And even though right now my nickname could be senorita crazy pants, I recognize if I wanted I could change that. I recognize my mom will not make me feel better. I recognize publishing my book will not make me feel better. I recognize all the reasons, all the lists of things and events and situations I think I need to feel a certain way can be completely disregarded. I can throw those suckers in the trash not because they aren’t worthwhile or they won’t come true, but because I don’t need them to happen to feel better. And for that I’m grateful. Maybe I’ll get to experience bliss after all.
I dream of a world where we all experience untold bliss. A world where we live in unconditional happiness. A world where we live in love and peace and joy. A world where we recognize we decide how we feel. A world where love is bountiful and plenty and bliss floats like clouds in the sky.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.  

Happiness

By Rebekah / December 12, 2008

There are probably a million articles about how it’s important to visualize what you want. “See yourself winning that marathon, driving the Mercedes,” etc. In fact, the entire premise of The Secret is based on it. The message I hear again and again is, “Visualize the things you think will make you happy.” What if we skipped that step altogether and just visualized being happy?

I’m reminded of the movie “Peaceful Warrior,” based on Dan Millman’s autobiography “Way of the Peaceful Warrior.” Dan was a gymnast at UC Berkeley, well on his way to winning a national championship. A lot happens in the movie, but basically Dan gets into a car accident and shatters his femur. He gets a metal rod stuck into his leg. His coach thinks he can longer compete in the national championship but Dan perseveres, training on his own with the help of a guy he dubs Socrates – someone who helps him realize the power of being present. Dan competes in the U.S. Trials for the Olympics and wins.

After Dan gets his medal, a teammate comes up to him and says something along the lines of, “Wow! Can you teach me how you did that? I just know I’ll be happy once I win. If I can just get that gold medal my life will be great.”

How often do we think this way? How often do we say, “I’ll be happy when I lose 10 pounds, I’ll be happy once it’s the weekend, I’ll be happy once I get married.” Why do we think we need things/people/events to make us happy? Why not skip that step altogether and just go straight for happy? Why wait for it?

I think it’s great to visualize what we want. I want to publish a book (eventually) so I’m seeing it in my mind’s eye. However, I don’t believe my happiness is contingent on getting published. I don’t want to continue to put my happiness on the layaway plan. Instead of seeing myself happy X amount of time from now because I achieved X, I see myself happy right now. Not because I bought a new car or my boss gave me a pay increase or because of any outside factor. I visualize myself as happy. Now. I see/believe/feel myself in a state of happiness right now. I cut out the middle part, the illusion.

I dream of a world where people realize life is too short to put off their happiness. I dream of a world where we are happy because we choose to be, not because something happened to us. I dream of a world where everyone is happy a majority of the time. Not only can it happen, it does happen.

I know not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

Need

By Rebekah / November 9, 2008

Up until this evening I would have told you I need x, y, and z to be happy. I “have” to have such and such in order to experience joy. I “need” so and so to be in my life to feel fulfilled.

Tonight I experienced a shift.

Tonight I did some healing and realized, wait a minute, I don’t “need” to be in a relationship with someone, I don’t “need” an umbrella or a laundry hamper or a job or an apartment to be happy. All those things could vanish tomorrow and my soul, my essence, would remain unchanged. Who I am can never be harmed.

I realized tonight that yes, the things I surround myself with make life cozier but I don’t need them. I don’t “need” anything except for God. All I need is contained within myself right now, here, in this moment. All that I am, all that I will ever be, is locked in this body. All the rest is just trappings.

My happiness, my joy, my bliss cannot be found in the arms of another person, nor in a new computer or a brand new car. I recognize the people and the objects in my life for what they are: a gift. All of it, all of it, all of it is a gift from God for a short span of time. Everything in my life is a gift.

So no, I don’t need a man or new shoes or a job to be happy. All of it is just stuff — stuff to distract me, stuff to shield me, stuff to make life easier. But it is all transient. People and things will come into my life and they will leave my life. But I remain the same.

No object, no person, no situation will “make” me happy or give me the lasting satisfaction I crave. In yoga we say human beings have a thirst for limitless. What we really crave is pure bliss all the time. We delude ourselves into thinking a certain situation, a certain thing will give us that pure bliss. It won’t.

All I need is me. And God. I am all. I am that. I am Him. I am everything. Everything is me.

I envision a world where we as humans don’t get entrenched in our belongings, our things, our objects. I envision a world where we all recognize the people and things in our lives are not where happiness can be found, but rather they are gifts. Gifts to be cherished for the short time they are with us but not clutched in our hands like life preservers. I envision a world where everyone recognizes their own divinity. A world where we all recognize our needs and wants are fulfilled at every moment all the time.

I envision a world where we all express our truest most authentic selves. A world where we let our beauty and divinity shine through. A world where objects are merely that: objects. I envision a world where we reach for God and rise above the material things in our lives to grasp onto our inner divinity.

I know not only is another world possible, it’s probable.