On Thursday, I walked through the intersection where I was hit by a car for the very first time since the accident. Up until Thursday I walked by the site (as in, on the other side of the street) but never through the site. As I approached the exact intersection, I felt a whisper of anxiety and that was it. No panic, no becoming paralyzed. I faced my fear head on and I walked through it. In addition to feeling proud of myself, I was reminded how the things that bugged me months ago no longer bug me. How my problems of yesterday (so to speak) are no longer problems today, and this gives me hope for the future.
So often I get stuck in “forever” thinking. As in, if things are like this now, they’ll be like this forevaaaa. Especially in the moments where I have anxiety or depression or fear, it’s a challenge to remind myself, “This too shall pass,” because to me, it seems like the situation or feeling is interminable. I’m starting to disengage from this as I remember the only truth about a thought is it’s a thought, and now I think I’m taking it a step further by having hope life will get better.
I like this picture as I think it captures hope and the future at the same time.
I am indeed still planning for joy, and a part of that is employing some perspective because things change all the time. Problems get solved, new circumstances arise, and life goes on.
I want things to get better now, but as a friend keeps reminding me, “We look at our watches and God looks at the calendar,” as in things do change, but not necessarily on my timeline. That’s true. I’ve seen lots of changes in myself and my friends, but it has taken time. I have a friend who in her 20s barely made enough money to support herself, and now in her 30s she’s an entrepreneur and recently returned from a trip to Bali. Jeremy Renner was a makeup artist before he became a movie star.
Things change and they often change for the better. I need to keep reminding myself of that, keep holding onto hope for the future, because otherwise I’ll dissolve into a tear-stricken, soppy mess. A friend posted a picture on facebook about a month ago (that I can no longer find) that said something like, “Suicide may keep things from getting worse, but it also prevents them from getting better.” I’m not suicidal, but I appreciated the statement because, yeah, there’s always hope things will get better and I’m seeing more and more evidence that they do.
I dream of a world where we all hold onto our hope for the future. A world where we remember the things that troubled us in the past no longer trouble us now and it’s likely the trend will continue. A world where we look on the bright side of life.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’m kind of on a hiatus right now what with visiting my family and going to a retreat in Missouri. However, I wanted to post one last message of hope and faith to close off 2009 and begin 2010. For your viewing pleasure I present:
Enjoy and rest assured another world is not only possible, it’s probable. =)
The president of one of the charities I support, UrbanPromise, a charity that helps kids in Camden, N.J., sent me a letter this week showing me there is hope for the future:
For the six weeks of summer, 16 teens, each having grown up in our programs, were hired to work as camp counselors and mentors for our younger camp kids…we call them StreetLeaders.
They helped interns lead recreation and Bible classes, taught our camp kids songs and skits and shepherded hundreds of Camden’s children to stimulating and just plain fun events.
And they earned money to do it! Like all teenagers, they could have done anything with that money. They could have blown all their money on video games, junk food, going out to the movies with friends…and who would have blamed them?
They worked hard for that money. They earned it. But, what they did still chokes me up. You see, they decided to give it away.
Immediately after summer camp finished, a time when most teens would have relaxed and enjoyed their humble paychecks, our StreetLeaders packed into two vans, and with their chaperones, drove non-stop to Biloxi, Mississippi to give back to those whose lives had been devastated by Hurricane Katrina.
They painted walls, cut and laid floor tiles, fixed floors, decontaminated mold, and cleaned up debris. Our enthusiastic kids even paid for their own meals and made contributions for gas. But most importantly, they worked non-stop for five days in blistering 100 degree bayou heat and never complained. And they wanted to keep working, especially on 55-year-old Miss Jeanine’s house.
Miss Jeanine and her family had their home destroyed and repaired in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, to only have it damaged again when severe storms came through Biloxi earlier this spring.
“My granddaughter and I have been sleeping on mattresses on the living room floor ’cause the bedroom floors were so badly damaged,” Miss Jeanine said.
Miss Jeanine’s story did not deter our wide-eyed teens. “These were the hardest-working kids I’ve ever seen,” she commented. “They’ve given me hope.”
Hope? Our kids gave her hope? Our kids, from one of the poorest, most dangerous cities in America…our kids, who most of America has forgotten…gave Miss Jeanine hope!
“Camden’s not the only place that needs help,” said 17 year old Miles, a kid that grew up in our UrbanPromise programs. “We wanted to give to another community as others have given to us.”
I think that’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard all week. These kids who’ve grown up in one of the most impoverished, dangerous places in the U.S., wanted to give back. Instead of keeping the money to themselves they used it to help others. They dedicated not only their money but their time. Their dedication to service and to others shows me another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune–without the words,
And never stops at all,And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.” – Emily Dickinson
This has been a rough week for me. A bunch of my friends and coworkers were laid off last Friday. The feelings I have for someone do not seem to be reciprocated. I’ve spent much of this week crying and feeling completely downtrodden.
My mother pointed out to me the difference between this week and last week is I had hope. Hope for my life. Hope for the future.
When we said our goodbyes on the telephone on Wednesday I sat down on my bed and cradled my royal blue, spiral-bound notebook. I wrote in my journal that I wanted hope. I wanted hope to come back. I wanted hope to reside in me once again.
I’ve written before about how when we want something all we have to do is ask. And I firmly believe it’s true. So I asked.
I asked for hope and hope returned. Like a sunbeam into my heart, hope flooded me once more.
The reason I mention this is because I think with hope we can weather any storm. I think with hope we can get through anything. If we believe our current situation is temporary, if we believe change can happen, does happen, will happen, our spirits are lifted and we can soldier on.
I write this with the dream of inspiring others. Of letting others know even at their darkest moments, even when life seems horrible and they cannot imagine a worse pain, hope is there. Hope is the bird singing through the gale. Hope can see you through anything. Hope can act like a lighthouse safely guiding you back to shore. Hope can buoy your spirits and urge you forward, help you swim toward land.
For those poor souls who feel hopeless, for those poor souls who are sitting in darkened rooms, I beg you to pray for hope. I beg you to ask for hope, to wipe the dirt from the windows of your heart and stand up straight. Your creator put you on this Earth for big things, for important things, for great things. Your creator put you on this Earth to fulfill a purpose, to fulfill a mission, whatever that may be. Hope is one of your keys to success.
I envision a world where we jump up after we’ve been knocked down. A world where hope stays with us. A world where we know we can get through anything and everything. A world where we see the light, we follow the light, we become the light. I envision a world filled with optimism about the days to come. A world where we have hope we can accomplish anything. A world where obstacles do not deter us but rather strengthen our resolve to meet our goals. I dream of a world where hope is everlasting. I dream of a world where everyone has hope in their hearts.
I know another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Keeping the faith is hard work.
When things don’t work out the way I want them to I start railing against the Universe: “Why are you putting me through this?? I hate you for doing this to me! Why can’t it happen the way I want?!?” etc. I get angry and pissed off and feel like screaming. Basically I turn into a petulant child.
It’s funny though because I’m getting upset things aren’t working out the way I want them to. Little ole me really thinks I know what’s best for my life as opposed to the force responsible for life and death? As opposed to the force that causes the world to spin? As opposed to the force that causes flowers to bloom and the sun to shine? Really? Really?
I think of something a friend said to me recently. She said every moment of anger/sadness/frustration is a love poem from our creator and it’s up to us to decipher it. I see how my frustration boils down to a lack of patience. How I want things to happen NOW, this instant. But some things cannot happen now. Some things take time. I see how my creator is trying to cultivate patience in me and unshakable faith.
And if I really think about it I’ve been shown time and again what’s best for me happens. I’ve been shown time and again my wildest dreams are ant-sized compared to what my creator has in store for me. But I’m human so keeping the faith is hard. I have a tendency to doubt.
For now I keep dusting myself off when I stumble on my path toward steadfast faith. For now I keep picking myself up and I keep going forward because I know where I want to be. And this? This is not it.
I want to be in a place where my faith does not waver. I want to be in a place of constant trust and surrender. I want to be in a place where I have no doubt my creator is taking care of me. Where frustration does not exist because rather I savor what’s in front of me. Where I understand things take time and I may have to wait a little bit. Where I am ok with the questions and the ambiguity because I have hope and faith things will be turn out and they will be glorious. Where I trust even the crappy hard things are in my best interest.
And I have that wish for others.
I dream of a world where we all turn our frustration into something positive. A world where we have patience. A world where we understand everything is in our best interest. I dream of a world where trust and faith reign supreme. Where we all truly believe the universe is taking care of us. Where we open ourselves up and surrender to the divine will. Where we allow ourselves to be carried like sailboats on the water because we know there is a force greater than ourselves guiding the way.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
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