A little more than nine years ago I wrote one of my favorite posts: “Hitching Wagons to Stars.” It wasn’t particularly well read. It didn’t garner numerous comments or shares, but it’s one of my favorites because it speaks to a recurring dynamic in my life: shining.
The phrase “Hitch your wagon to a star” comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay Civilization. In it he talks about partnering with the natural world to create something new. His quote though has since morphed to mean “Always aspire to do great things,” and then “Try to succeed by forming a relationship with someone who is already successful.”
I’ve frequently taken the latter approach myself, trying to sidle up to someone else who is famous or successful. If we’re using the wagon and star analogy, I usually envision myself as the wagon and never the star. A part of me believes I can’t shine without the presence of someone else. I want someone else’s light to rub off on me. That means I cross my fingers Chris Evans will like an Instagram post where I thank him for playing Captain America, or that Elizabeth Gilbert will thumbs up a blogpost where I mention her. And when they don’t, I feel first sad and then angry because my master plan was thwarted. My master plan being if someone famous notices me, then I’ll finally achieve what I’ve wanted all along: to be a star.
We can all be one of these. Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash
I don’t want to be a star in the traditional sense – I can’t act and while I have a nice voice, it’s not Grammy-award winning. I don’t even necessarily want to be an influencer because it sounds exhausting to post something fun and interesting and beautiful on Instagram every day. But I still want to be a star, which for me means writing a bestselling book and having a large swathe of people care about what I have to say. I know numerous people already care about what I have to say, for which I’m grateful, but I want there to be more of them.
These days what I’m coming to understand is I don’t have to rely on someone else to give me what I want. I don’t need to be retweeted or reshared to propel me to stardom, which is perhaps why it hasn’t happened. I’m not doing myself any favors by viewing myself as a wagon instead of a star. I can shine brightly on my own. We all can. We are each of us stars in our own right – some smaller, some larger, but still a star.
I dream of a world where we realize we don’t need someone else in order to shine. A world where we don’t limit ourselves and what we’re capable of. A world where we understand we don’t need to hitch our wagon to a star because we can be our own star.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’m traveling right now so I’m recycling this post about Passover from last year.
Jewish holidays affect me – my life seems to sync up with them even if I’m not paying too much attention to the calendar. Right now people are celebrating Passover as well as Easter all over the world. What does that mean for me personally, and why would anyone other than me care? Bear with me – I believe my experience is a universal one so I’m hoping others will benefit from hearing what I’m going through.
As we know, Passover celebrates the Jews’ escape from Egypt. The Hebrew word for Egypt, Mitzrayim, also means narrow spaces. That means on a metaphorical level, Passover can also represent the liberation from narrow spaces. In addition to a past event, Passover can also be deeply personal and individual. For many years, that’s precisely how I experienced Passover. The regular occurrence is interesting. Like clockwork, at this time of year, life feels narrow. Not only feels narrow, but is narrow. There are many things I choose not to do because the consequence of doing them is too great. There are many foods I choose not to eat because eating them causes my body to hurt. I’m not throwing myself a pity party, I’m merely stating facts.
We can escape narrow spaces. Photo by Andrew Trius on Unsplash.
Always at Passover I fall into a bit of a funk and chafe against restriction. Life is not pleasant during Passover. It’s often trying and painful and dark. I’m not saying it’s as bad as a refugee fleeing for her life, but everything is relative. Everything is in degrees. I experience a small taste of what my ancestors went through and what many people still go through. However, Passover is not all bad. It’s not all plagues and sorrow. It’s also joy. It’s recognizing the deep, the dark, the painful, the narrow, and the relief that comes from no longer being in that space. It’s the thrill of leaving it all behind and being able to roam free. It’s not only Passover that celebrates renewal, but obviously Easter too. Christians also celebrate new life and resurrection at this time of year.
Passover and Easter are reminders of all the horrible things people have been through and their transition out of those things. Passover and Easter are holidays that celebrate hope and courage without omitting the pain. I’m not on the other side of my personal Mitzrayim yet, but I know I will reach the promised land, so to speak. I also take heart in a quote from my spiritual teacher who said, “Difficulties can never be greater than your capacity to solve them.” I truly believe that. Right now my difficulties feel insurmountable, but the holidays many of us are celebrating remind me that’s not true. The holidays remind me it can take a while, a long, long while, but eventually liberation happens.
I dream of a world where we remember no matter what we’re going through, eventually it will pass. A world where we remember we, too, will be liberated from our narrow spaces. A world where we take heart in stories from the past and use them as fuel for the future.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve been living in a gilded cage, accepting the subtle messages and indoctrination about what I can hope to accomplish in my life. “You’re not born into wealth or fame? The best you can hope for is a job that pays the bills, where you’ll work until your health starts to deteriorate, a faithful spouse, and good kids.” As my friend Mark from
Yet when I graduated from college I felt such despair because I wasn’t satisfied with that life. I wanted my life to be about more than just going to work and being social. And the good Lord answered.
My Creator sent me people to rattle my cage, to open my door. Last night I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is a little bit psychic. He started telling me all these things I will do and accomplish in my life. My first reaction was, “What? Are you serious? I’m just a girl from
When I asked my friend how to let go of my fear and my limiting beliefs he said in his (typically) chill manner, “You just do.” I wanted to smack him because how can it be that easy? Of course he’s right but for those of us who are, shall we say, more stubborn, I think this is where EFT comes in. And affirmations. And meditation. And all the things that help us move beyond our limitations. Because while I may not be able to do back flips and round offs right now, I certainly won’t be able to do them if I think I never can.
So I am flying out of my gilded cage and soaring to new heights. Knowing I am fully capable of accomplishing amazing things. Knowing if I continue to follow the signs and my heart’s desires my life will be even more fulfilling, more exciting, and bigger than I could have ever planned.
A friend of mine posted a youtube video that fits in really nicely with this. It lists all these people like Thomas Edison who was told he was too stupid to learn anything and how he should go into a field where he might succeed by virtue of his pleasant personality. Or Abraham Lincoln, whose fiancée died, failed at business twice, had a nervous breakdown and was defeated in eight elections. Or even one of my personal heroes, Elizabeth Gilbert, who when she wrote, “Eat, Pray, Love,” had no idea it would turn into this runaway bestseller and become adapted into a movie starring Julia Roberts. It just goes to show we don’t know what’s ahead and we are capable of so much more than we and others give us credit for.
So when someone comes along to rattle your cage, and they will, I hope you too will choose to fly out. To push through the fear, the insecurity, and the limiting beliefs. Yes the cage is comfortable and familiar but it’s too small for a bird of our stature. We deserve to spread our wings fully and fly freely. We deserve and are capable of so much more than we dreamed.
I envision a world where we cast aside the dogma and indoctrination our lives should progress in a certain way. I dream of a world where we move beyond limitation and lack to a place where we know everything is possible and our capacity to achieve is infinite. Where we know the world is big and broad and expansive. Where we know as we think so we become. Thus we think of ourselves as magnificent and glorious and capable of anything.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.