This may seem like another New Year’s resolution-y blogpost, but I promise it’s not. Especially because I operate under the belief a new year, a new day – even a new you – can start at any time.
What’s been coming up for me a lot (regardless that it’s a new year) is the notion of leaving the past behind. I’m noticing many thought patterns, beliefs, and even friendships are falling by the wayside as they become outdated. Part of this is because I’m still going through my Saturn return, meaning I’m shedding the things that do not work for me in anticipation of the person I’m becoming and will be for the next phase of my life. The other part is because I’m doing a lot of work on myself, so of course things cannot remain the same.
Leave your past behind like this person left his/her shoes.
However, that does not mean the process isn’t painful. A piece of me wants to keep things as they are, have nothing change, keep the status quo because it’s comfortable. That’s not the case so I’m in discomfort. As my friend B says, I’m experiencing growing pains (ain’t that the truth!).
I bring this up because I think it’s important to honor the process, to acknowledge change is hard and it’s painful and nobody said we’d enjoy it, but it’s oh so necessary.
I had an amazing astrology reading after Christmas that provided a lot of clarity. It was incredibly validating because the astrologer said, “Oh yes, the last three years have been awful for you, I can see that reflected in your chart, and here’s a little explanation as to why.” But he also reminded me my friendships fading into the background, my business endeavors falling flat, all of the disappointments I’ve experienced, have ultimately been for my own good. Certain people in my life are reflective of old patterns and now as I’m growing into a stronger person, into the person I’d like to be, there is strife and those friendships are no longer working.
As I go through this growing process, it’s important for me to remember not everything is falling apart, not every friendship is in jeopardy and not every person is going to fade into the shadows. And in fact, I’m going to make new friends, new people are coming into my life who are supportive of the person I’m becoming, and that’s something to cherish even though the pruning process is distressing.
I’m not perfect at leaving the past behind (hello! I think this blog shows that!), but now, especially given the context of what’s going on with me astrologically, I can more readily accept the changes and leave the past where it belongs. One of the more touching moments for me this past week was on New Year’s Day when my yoga and meditation organization asked me to read a passage. Here is a particularly potent excerpt:
While advancing from the distant past, humanity has reached the end of a dark period; a new year’s dawn is about to break in its history. Humanity will have to move forward still further, and in this path of their movement, there is no pause, no rest — no punctuation mark with comma, colon, or semicolon. They must move ever forward. Indeed, they are moving and they will continue to move, for movement is the very essence of life, the living proof of its vital existence. Those who stop in the middle of their movement have lost the very characteristic or dharma of life. — P.R. Sarkar (Shrii Shrii Anandamurti), A Few Problems Solved Part 5
I dream of a world where we keep moving forward because we understand we must. A world where we know change may be painful but oftentimes it’s for our own good. A world we let go of what no longer serves us even if it’s uncomfortable. A world where we understand sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to leave the past behind.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Normally I don’t blog when I’m on vacation, but considering we’re coming upon a new year and all, it didn’t seem right to skip this Sunday.
En route to California from Seattle, my plane skimmed the clouds, right in between two layers. As I looked out the window, I saw the barest hint of a rainbow, and it seemed like a good metaphor for the coming year. This year, 2013, has been rough. I’ve experienced a lot of upheaval on a physical level, but also an emotional one. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life as I have this year. I’ve felt like carbon, pressurized until it turns into a diamond — the final result may be pretty, but the process is painful.
A close approximation of what I saw.
I don’t know what 2014 has in store for me, or for any of us, but I see the barest hint of a rainbow, foretelling beauty after a storm, peace after tumult, and color after gray. I don’t know whether 2014 will be a “good” year or a “bad” year, but I get the feeling something good is just out of reach, it’s on the horizon, and if I wait a little longer my patience will be rewarded.
Maybe you, too, have had a rough year. Maybe at times the pain has felt excruciating. Maybe you’ve asked yourself over and over again, “What am I doing here?” Maybe you’ve wanted to run away from it all, start fresh somewhere else. Maybe you don’t even know where your fresh start lies. If that’s you, I want to say, “You’re not alone.” I can’t guarantee your 2014 will be better, but I certainly hope it is. My wish for 2014 is that we all find serenity, that all of our needs are met. That we feel loved, held, and nurtured. That we know we are doing a great job taking care of ourselves.
In particular, I dream of a world that becomes a brighter and brighter place as we set the world on fire with our love and passion. A world where we serve others, where we look out for the little guy. A world where no one is left behind. A world where we understand things don’t become better unless we make it so. A world where we all see the barest hint of a rainbow.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I didn't write a blogpost last night because I was at Rosh Hashanah services and didn't come home until late. One line in particular during the service jumped out at me, "Cast away your sins." I don't like the word "sins" because it dredges up notions of heaven and hell and judgment, but I do believe in casting away troubles.
This has been quite a whirlwind week, and year, for that matter. Last night I looked down at my body and noticed the numerous black and purple bruises that were war wounds from moving on Saturday. (Moving: It's a dangerous business.) But I'm OK with them because they will fade. They are mementoes from a time now past. Now that the dust has settled and I'm out of my hellacious apartment, I'm sighing in relief. In fact, just now I took a big exhale.
What I love about Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year for those of you who don't know) is it's a reminder to start over. To cast away our troubles and leave our past behind. I am certainly ready to leave this year behind. I am ready to turn over a new leaf and revel in the healing and the miracles that are sure to come.
Even if you're not Jewish, I highly recommend a ceremony or a ritual to mark the end of a period of trouble and a celebration of something new. We all need a chance to shrug off our troubles, but even more so, to celebrate the good that is to come.
I don't have much to say because I think it's already been said. From September of last year to September of this year life has been pretty crappy. Good things have certainly happened but I'm ready to start living well again. I'm ready to let go of my old ideas and my old belief systems and to be reborn. I look forward to reconnecting with old friends and making new ones. I look forward to adventure and healing and grace. I'm casting away my troubles and making room for the miracles that are yet to come.
I dream of a world where we let go of our troubles. Where we let them go because we know they are being handled as long as we keep showing up for life and remain willing to take the next right, wise action. I dream of a world where we know we can start over at any time, at any point of the day, week, or year. I dream of a world where we are in the ease and flow of life.
Another world is not only possible, it's probable.
All I can say today is I’m excited. I’m excited by the prospects a new year brings. I’m excited by the possibilities, by the goodness that’s up ahead. I’m excited about the world and what I see before me. I’m excited about 2011.
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