This week Shakespeare’s quote, “All the world’s a stage/And all the men and women merely players,” finally made sense to me. I really got my whole life is one big drama. In Sanskrit there’s a word liila, which means “the divine play” and it’s used in conjunction with God. As in, “My whole life is God’s liila or divine play.”
It’s funny that I would title this post “unconditional happiness” when for the past few days I’ve been an emotional wreck – I flipped out on my best friend, cried to my mom, and have been feeling otherwise all over the map. I am by no means an authority on happiness (does such a person exist?) but I do know some things to be true for me.
It’s been a while since I’ve written about future tripping. To me future tripping is planning out the future. Playing the, “If this happens I’ll do this,” game. Constructing a whole sequence of events before they even occur. I’ve been doing that this week because I’m planning a big retreat taking place at the end of this month. (P.S. You can check out the link here.) I’m thinking about, “Who will be the lunch in charge? Who will take care of the kids? What happens if so and so turns up? What happens if so and so doesn’t turn up?” There are sooo many things I’m contemplating and so many outcomes it’s making my head spin.
I also think about how futile the whole thing is. Months ago my friend L’s sister was in town and they invited me to go out to dinner with them. Because of the timing and the location of the restaurant it didn’t make sense for me to go home first. So I started doing allllll this planning. Contemplating where I would go after work. What I would do with myself. If I would try to read a book or whether I would do falun dafa. If I would wander around Chinatown. Where would I meditate. What would happen if I meditated at a temple and then walked around. How was I going to spend my time? So many things! So many possibilities! And you know what happened? The night we planned to go out to eat L’s sister got sick and they canceled. They canceled! I spent all that time thinking about what I would do and then none of it took place! All of my worrying was completely unfounded.
It was a nice reminder for me to live in the moment and stay present. It was a nice reminder I’d rather deal with things as they come instead of counting my chickens before they hatch. Because the truth of the matter is I have no idea what’s up ahead. I have no idea what tomorrow brings or even what the next 10 minutes brings. And since I’ve redefined my concept of a higher power, I know that no matter what’s ahead it’s for my good. So why worry? Why plan my whole life in advance?
Some things, like this retreat, require planning. Otherwise we might be sitting around twiddling our thumbs, but honestly, I don’t have to plan everything. I don’t have to think about, “Well what if this happens? Or that happens?” If it happens it does and I’ll deal with it then. Be prepared, yes, but not obsessive. I think that’s the difference.
In the case of going out to dinner with L and her sister, bring a book but also see how I feel at the time. Prepare but allow for all possibilities. I want to allow myself to still deal with situations as they come up and not hold onto what I think will happen like a dog chewing a bone. There’s no need to constantly replay situations in my head like a CD stuck on repeat.
I dream of a world where we allow ourselves to stay present. A world where we take things as they come one day at a time. A world where we release our fear of the future and instead live in the moment. A world where we know what’s ahead is for our own self-realization and growth and so we can sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
As I write this one of my friends is in labor. Although she wasn’t due until the 24th the baby obviously had other plans. The reason I mention this is because all day yesterday and today I’ve been thinking about timing – how timing is out of my hands and how in the past that’s driven me crazy.
What I’ve realized though is timing is for my own good. Some things I’m not ready for, some things I haven’t learned yet and so others cannot happen. I think about this new child entering the world, how my friends haven’t even moved into their new apartment yet, how it’s “inconvenient” for the kid to come early, but it doesn’t matter: that child wants out.
I also think about a story I tell often. While walking in the woods one day a boy comes across a chrysalis. The boy is SO excited and wants to see the butterfly emerge from the cocoon as soon as possible. Knowing the transformation involves heat, everyday the boy comes back and blows on the chrysalis, to speed up the process. One day the boy blows on the chrysalis and a butterfly emerges. Instead of flying off, the butterfly falls to the ground and dies because its wings haven’t fully developed.
Timing, just like everything else, happens for a reason. If I received things when I wanted them it may be to my detriment. So where I am right now is I’m learning patience. I’m learning to accept my life as it is, to be present and in the moment because I realize everything is happening for my highest good. If I wanted to swim the
In the past I’ve been very impatient, wanting things to be delivered to me immediately. I see now how impatience is not understanding God is watching out for me. Impatience is not understanding if I were to get what I want right now I may not be ready for it and it may cause more harm than good.
I’d like to stay in a place where I recognize everything happens for a reason in my best interest. Where I know timing is for my own good. Where I realize life is one big training ground and in order for me to understand/receive certain things there are specific lessons I need to learn first. A place where I accept this moment in time and feel gratitude for all that came before it.
I dream of a world where we know things unfold for the highest interest of all parties involved. A world where we realize things come to us when we are able to receive them. A world where we rejoice in what is. A world where we accept what lay before us, all the while knowing eventually we will reach our goals.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
“I just want to know the future. If I knew the future and what will happen then I can relax and enjoy the here and now.” I’ve been hearing this from other people all week, mainly former coworkers looking for a steady job, feeling anxious because they are currently unemployed. I feel this way too sometimes. A part of me wants to know whether I’ll be laid off come October when the next quarter ends. Or what my life will look like two months from now. And can I just say it sucks?
It sucks to be in a place where I’m worrying about the future, where I’m agonizing over what’s next instead of living my life. The over-used phrase, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans,” comes to mind.
I know for me when I start worrying about the future it’s because I’m not trusting in the process of life. I’m not trusting in my Creator and my Creator’s plan for me. It taps into my need for feeling safe and secure because somehow I think by knowing the future I’ll realize I’m taken care of. Somewhere along the way I picked up the idea I need to know what’s ahead in order to feel safe.
I think about something my friend Heather said to me about the future, safety and security: “Are you any more secure and stable now that you’re employed full time and have your own apartment? Or is it all an illusion?”
She’s right. Tomorrow I could walk into work and find out I’ve been laid off. In the next 15 seconds my apartment could flood or catch on fire or get hit with an asteroid. So no, I’m not any more secure and stable now than when I kept moving from place to place, it only feels that way. It only feels that way because I’ve quieted my mental chatter and I’ve allowed myself to believe I’ll still be employed tomorrow and I’ll still have a place to live tonight.
The place where I’d like to be is recognizing I am safe, secure and protected at all times. Since I recognize safety, security and stability is a state of mind, I’d like to change my mental patterns to reflect that. I’d like my safety, security and stability to come from within as opposed to external situations. I’d like to feel like no matter what happens I will be taken care of.
Once again I plumb the depths of my mind, I go internally and recognize the point of power is in the here and now, is within me at all times. I start affirming for myself I am safe, secure and protected no matter the circumstances.
Sometimes though it’s not so easy to say those affirmations and to believe them. I know that too. I know sometimes we cling tightly to an idea, to a need to know the future, for a certain situation to work out, for a certain person to be in our lives, for a certain job to drop in our laps. I know sometimes it’s hard to let go.
For me, before I can get to the places I want to be, before I can start believing the affirmations I say to myself, there’s a precursor affirmation: “I am willing to release my need for X.”
I usually fill in X with something I want to get rid of, like, “I’m willing to release my need for fear,” or “I’m willing to release my need for this condition.” Something that is not serving me and only holds me back.
Why did I title this post “Be Here, Now?” Mostly because the point of power resides in this moment. Because the present is all we have. Because the future is really just a concept, always changing, ever-new. I spent far too much of my life worrying about what’s next, missing out on what lay before me, lamenting would could be as opposed to enjoying what is. I want my life to be light and easy and joyful and that comes by trusting in God, changing my mental patterns, and feeling gratitude.
I dream of a world where we release our need to know the future. I dream of a world where we live in the moment, enjoying what is. Where we all feel safe and secure and protected at all times. Where the future is something we accept, but we also laugh because we realize there is only now. I dream of a world where we recognize the power of our minds to change our lives and our world. Where we live life in real time.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Oftentimes I feel like what happens in my life is beyond my control. Getting a job, a boyfriend, an apartment, whatever, seems like it rests completely in God’s hands. I feel like all of it is outside of me and I’m at the mercy of someone else. What I’m inching toward is recognizing the power of my mind and how life is what I make it. How the things that happen in my life are because of my thought projections, whether they’re conscious or not.
This week I started being even more conscious. I’ve been feeling like there are blocks and hindrances in my life. That I can’t move forward because God doesn’t deem it so. That I’m stuck in a certain place and a certain situation and there is nothing I can do about it. What I realized this week is that’s completely not true. I am not a puppet at the mercy of a puppeteer. But neither am I a ring leader at the circus. My life and what I experience is more like a boat on a river – I’m paddling my little heart out, going in a certain direction but the current also has a say in the matter. What I realized, beyond the fact I have some say in my life, is the reason I don’t have what I want is because of me.
I place the blocks in my life, I place the obstacles in my way, I’m keeping myself from my heart’s desires, to an extent anyway. What I mean is, as soon as I’m ready for something it happens. And until I’m ready, truly ready, nothing will manifest. I think about my experience last year, how I kept saying I wanted a job and a place to live because logically I did. Intellectually, I wanted to get a steady income and settle down. In my heart though I wanted to be a vagabond, I wanted to be free to do whatever the heck I wanted. I wanted to flit from place to place experiencing anything and everything without any restrictions. I wanted to feel free and easy and independent.
Those of you who know me well and experienced last year with me know how I oscillated from feeling fine to feeling pressured to make money. I felt such angst and frustration because I felt like I should get a job, I should be employed because that’s what people do! In my heart I wanted something else.
The truth of the matter is, it wasn’t until my heart decided I wanted to settle down and get a job that I did. It wasn’t until my heart decided I wanted to work at an office that my future employer called me for an interview. I applied for positions for a full year, getting interview after interview with nothing panning out. When I made the decision, “Yes, I’m ready to go back to the daily grind, to working in an office,” my job came along. Almost immediately actually. And when I found my job, three days later I found my apartment. Because I was ready! Because I was in a mental space for it!
The reason I bring this up because today I am laughing. I may think I want certain things, but until I’m in the proper heart space it ain’t gonna happen. It just won’t. And so where I am today is I’m trying to enjoy my life, to accept where I am, knowing and trusting that when I’m ready, when my heart and mind sync up, God will grant my wishes. I’m trying to feel gratitude about where I am, about what I’m doing. I’m trying to live in the moment, enjoying things just as they are because my heart cannot be reasoned with – it wants what it wants when it wants it. When my heart desires something it will manifest. That’s what the law of attraction is all about.
And instead of wasting precious time feeling frustrated and angst-y that I don’t have what I want, I laugh and feel free and easy. I finally realize the only barrier to anything in my life is my own mind. I keep myself from having certain things – now I’m in a place where I realize more consciously the role I play. So I relax, let myself be, and know I can have what I want. Life is open and free and uninhibited.
I dream of a world where we see how powerful we really are. I dream of a world where we’re all more conscious of our minds and our lives and the parts we play. I dream of a world where we live awake, recognizing we decide how we live. I dream of a world where we are relaxed, where we enjoy what’s before us, where we feel gratitude for our lives. Where we know when our heart has a desire God will rearrange heaven and earth and give it to us.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
For a long time I used to believe if certain things happened to me my life would stop or the world would stop spinning. Something like that. I walked around bracing myself for future events in the hopes of staving them off. (How does that even make sense?) I attempted to control future events by worrying about them and praying they wouldn’t happen (like that works).
Looking at my thought patterns now all I can say is, “Well that’s silly.” It’s silly for me to worry about the future and hope things don’t happen. It’s silly to hold on so tightly to what I don’t want because the truth is even if it happens I’ll get over it. Whatever “it” is I’ll move on. Life goes on. Human beings are resilient creatures. I’ve already done things I didn’t think I was capable of. I’ve already moved past certain traumatic events I thought I would never get over. My life continued, will continue, does continue.
I guess I’m saying I realize even if the “unthinkable” were to happen, so what? I can get over it. I can move on. I am strong and powerful and resilient. I am capable of anything the universe throws at me so what am I worrying for? Why am I walking around with some tightness in my heart believing I can’t handle certain things? I can handle anything. There is no difficulty greater than my capacity to overcome it.
Realizing I can overcome all obstacles also coincides with looking my fear in the face. Not only does fear dissipate when I examine it head on but also I know if my worst fear came true I could cope. I already have with many, many things.
Instead of praying, “Dear God, please don’t let X happen,” I’d rather embrace the idea I can survive anything. I’d rather accept my fate and surrender to God’s plan for me. I’d rather move through life joyous and free, letting the current take me where it will. I’d rather let go and release my worries. I’d rather my creator use me in whatever way he deems fit. I would rather surrender.
I dream of a world where people quit worrying about the future and rather live in the present. I dream of a world where people realize they are powerful beyond measure and whatever crops up in their lives they can manage. They can overcome. They can survive. I dream of a world where we open our hearts to a power greater than ourselves and surrender to what life has in store for us. I dream of a world where life is light and easy and joyful for everyone. Where worry and anxiety vanishes like the mist. Where people live life to the fullest feeling carefree and full of joy.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
What’s coming up for me this week is patience and timing. I feel like I finally know and understand that virtue. I realize things happen on God’s timeline and there’s nothing I can do about it.
There are some things in life I really, really want. In the past I’ve taken steps to attain those goals and felt impatience/frustrated when I didn’t get what I wanted the very minute I wanted it.
When I moved to
I see how God has a timeline and it more than likely does not match up with mine. I mean, really, I joined a temp agency and didn’t get a stitch of work. Not a single job. I just have to laugh because clearly it all happened when God deemed fit.
It’s a lesson I’m applying to my current situation as well. I really want to be in a relationship. I really want a companion in my life. I get out a lot, I know tons of people, I’m on a dating website, but it’s not happening. I’m doing everything a person can possibly do but it’s not manifesting. Here’s the thing. It’s not up to me. Not really. The timing has to be right, not just for me but also for whomever I’m going to end up with. My life is clearly guided by a force greater than myself, a force that knows what’s in my best interest and that’s something I’m learning to accept.
I guess what I’m saying is I finally accept there are some things (many things) I do not control. Many things, like timing, are out of my hands. I can finally accept that. And in my book acceptance is a synonym for patience. I accept I’ll be in a relationship when God deems it time; I accept I’ll get to the front of the line at the bank when I do; I accept the bus will come when it does. When I accept what life is I feel patient. I can either beat my head against the wall in frustration or I can enjoy what’s before me. (This is where being present comes in.)
I choose to accept my life as it is, to feel content with what’s before me. I choose to enjoy my situation, feel satisfied with the present moment, and know everything has a timeline and will eventually blossom. I choose to savor every drop of my life because this moment is all I have. I know some things take a while and I’m finally willing to wait.
I dream of a world where we realize change can happen at any moment, every moment, not just externally but internally as well. A world where we recognize things happen according to God’s timeline and in the meanwhile the best we can do is enjoy what is. I dream of a world where each person is filled with ease and patience and joy. A world that caters to our best interest as opposed to instant gratification. A world where patience is valued, where we’re willing to wait for what we want. A world where we are present and content and happy.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
“Seven days without laughter makes one weak.” – Mort Walker
Life is funny. Or at least it can be. I think it’s a matter of perspective. In the past I used to have the mind-set, “life is a tragedy” as opposed to a comedy. Guess which experience is more fun?
Yesterday I went to Dolores Park with some friends of mine. We spent a while looking for a good spot – somewhere with partial sun, on a flat-ish part of the hill, a good view of San Francisco, not too crowded – and we found it. I spread my Neat Sheet on the ground, kicked off my shoes, and laid down. I inhaled deeply and noticed a smell. A poop smell. My friends and I attributed it to being downwind from the dog-playing area and didn’t think too much of it. But the smell didn’t go away. We tried to ignore it, talked about moving somewhere else, but stayed where we were. Finally my friend Kyle shifted positions and we noticed a brown spot leaking through the Neat Sheet.
“Is that? Is that dog poop??” I asked.
We lifted up the blanket and sure enough there was a nice, um, spread of feces. Even now I’m laughing about it.
While some people might shake their heads and say, “That’s horrible! How gross!” I instead laugh about it. Neat Sheets can be washed. We still had a good time. No one was harmed in the process (although Kyle joked about being permanently scarred).
I’m not sure if I’m illustrating my point or not but I guess I wanted to say everything is a matter of perspective. Instead of getting upset about a little dog doo I’m laughing about it. Instead of crying, lamenting the situation, or saying, “woe is me,” I choose to laugh. And not just about dog poop but about other things too. I’m choosing to laugh about situations that used to distress me. I’m laughing at God and God’s plan for me. I’m laughing about the craziness of my life and the situations I find myself in. I’m laughing at me. I think God is a big prankster, I mean, how could God not be when you really think about it??
I guess I just want to say my life is more enjoyable, more fun when I’m light-hearted. When I laugh instead of cry. When I find the humor in my situation as opposed to the gravity. When I can say, “God, you’re so funny! You’re such a jokester for putting me in a situation like this!”
And I have that wish for others.
I dream of a world where people experience joy as much as they possibly can. Where they shake off their doldrums and instead dance in the divine rhythm. Where people laugh more instead of cry. Where we all find the humor in our lives. I dream of a world where we know the value of laughter, and not just in a stand-up-comic sense, but laughter when it comes to getting on the wrong bus or sitting in dog poop. Laughter at (most) life situations that could be interpreted with solemnity. I dream of a world where we’re light-hearted and carefree. Where we savor each and every moment of our lives because we experience pure unadulterated joy most of the time.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I know I’ve written about this before but I’m human so sometimes it takes me a while to learn my lessons. Some may even say it’s a lifelong process. . .
Anyway, this year I made the New Year’s Resolution to be more present and stay in the moment. I feel like the Universe is conspiring to grant that wish.
About a month ago a bunch of my coworkers were laid off, meaning their work was turned over to me. My first response was, “Ack! There is so much to do! How am I going to finish all of this?!?” And then I started “future-tripping” or dwelling on what’s coming next, future conversations, events, etc. But my creator knows what I need and want before I know I need or want it, so all these situations are coming up to force me to stay present.
I guess I wanted to express why I like staying in the moment, why I think being present is a great practice. For me, when I stay present I feel serene and calm. I feel at peace and like I don’t have to worry about anything because I’m taking care of what’s in front of me as opposed to what’s ahead of me. I mean, I’m not sitting on my tush twirling my hair all day, I am working, I am taking steps to accomplish what’s before me but instead of freaking out about it I’m adopting the mindset of, “I’ll finish what I finish. And if I can’t meet all my deadlines, well, I can’t, and the world won’t stop spinning.” I say that and I feel so much ease. I feel the anxious knot in my stomach unclench.
Beyond easing anxiety, when I’m present I feel myself steeped in divinity. It seems easier to believe all that surrounds me is God. Right now the smell of Chinese food is wafting through my window while my curtain flutters in the breeze. Instead of wrinkling my nose or decrying the audacity of the smell to enter my abode, I can enjoy it. I can say hmmmmmm, smell’s like God. Hmmm, look at all the beauty before me. Hmmmm, look at what God has created. I can enjoy it.
When I spiral out into the future it never ends. There’s always something next, there’s a constant queue of, “This is due tomorrow and I need to contact her and her and then that’s due on Monday and oh yeah I have to do laundry and go grocery shopping and then I need to mail that package and write that check and. . .” it just doesn’t stop. When I future-trip I don’t enjoy anything! I miss out on my life and what’s happening. I can’t relax or feel easy or at peace. Who wants to live in that state? Certainly not me.
And because I believe in providing solutions, I’ll share what works for me. Besides really noticing my senses (what am I smelling? What am I touching? What does it feel like?), dancing brings me to the present because it’s just me and the music. I’m swaying my body in time with the melody and for those three minutes that’s all there is.
What also works for me is gratitude. Feeling grateful for what I do have instead of lamenting what I don’t brings me to the here and now. Breathing deeply also helps. (Isn’t that the cure for everything??) Imagery also takes me there. Imagining myself clenching dandelion seeds and then opening my fist to allow them to be carried away in the wind lets me surrender and stay in the moment. Lastly, affirmations have been working for me. Saying, “I live in the moment and take things as they come one day at a time,” or “I surrender to my higher power and let go of my desire to control.” For me future-tripping and control go hand in hand.
I dream of a world where we all stay present. Where we enjoy what’s before us and stop worrying about what comes next. I dream of a world where we feel anchored to the Earth and recognize the divinity in everyone and everything. Where we love our surroundings, live in our surroundings and stay in our surroundings. Where we notice what we’re seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching. Where we live in our bodies instead of our heads. Where we feel joy and peace and ease and serenity. Where we live life to the fullest and savor each mouth-watering drop.
Mostly I dream of a world where we smile at one another, where we spread love like handfuls of birdseed. Where every person feels safe and content and whole. Where each person sees challenges and obstacles before them and deciphers the message God is sending. Where living in the moment means not over-thinking things. Where we do and say and express and feel freely. I want to live in a world where worries float by like white puffy clouds in the sky. Where I stay present because this moment is all I have.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
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