If you’re reading this on December 1, today is my 40th birthday. I’ve had numerous feelings about this birthday. I’ve cried many tears about it because I’m not at all where I thought I’d be at this age. I don’t have anything society told me I “should” have at 40 as a cis-het woman: I’m single, childless, and don’t own a home.
When I mentioned this to my sister, she said, “Yeah but those are normie milestones,” which put things into perspective because when have I ever been normal? (The answer: never.) I may not have the things society told me I “should” have, but there are other milestones that I’m proud of. I’ve been in recovery from an eating disorder for 15 years. It’s been so long that in the novel I’m writing about a bulimic, I completely forgot the main character would say mean things about her body on a daily basis. I’m so removed from that version of myself it literally didn’t occur to me that my character’s inner dialogue would be fatphobic and berating.
Speaking of writing, I’ve written three books – a memoir, a romantic comedy, and the current heroine’s journey novel about belonging and recovery from an eating disorder. When I wrote the romantic comedy, I said over and over again, “I don’t think I can write 50,000 words” because I never had. And I used to joke around that I couldn’t write fiction to save my life. Here I am with two novels under my belt.
Another milestone: My business, rebekahmoan.com, isn’t a part of the statistic about most businesses failing within the first five years. It’s been five years and it’s still going strong. It doesn’t look the way it did when I started but that to me shows I’m adaptable. I can change. Related, it’s harder to measure but I have done so much healing work. I’ve learned to soothe my inner child, be my own secure loving parent, feel my feelings, set boundaries, and communicate my needs. Years ago, I was an anxious, people-pleasing, scaredy cat terrified of standing up for herself. Through some incredibly difficult circumstances, that all changed.
Me with my niece, Mira. I’m grateful for her and all the people in my life.
I’ve worked hard for this version of myself and I’m proud of that. Of me. I’ve been in the trenches of my body, mind, and soul learning how to be the best version of myself and I can honestly say I’m healthier than I was at 30 in every possible way. (In large part that’s because my sleep disorder finally got sorted in 2018.) That’s amazing and worth celebrating.
This post is about me but I’m sharing it with you because I bet you also have milestones that society wouldn’t necessarily notice or celebrate like keeping a plant alive for three years, meditating every day for a month, or finally having friends when for so long you were alone.
Celebrating these unconventional milestones reminds me we are all unique incarnations of the Divine Beloved. The central tenet of my spiritual practice is the universe is coming to know itself through me and you. We are the human expression of divinity. We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience, to quote Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.
Other people who speak to this idea eloquently are Brian Swimme and Mary Evelyn Pope who write in their book Journey of the Universe, “[J]ust as the Milky Way is the universe in the form of a galaxy, and an orchid is the universe in the form of a flower, we are the universe in the form of a human. And every time we are drawn to look up into the night sky and reflect on the awesome beauty of the universe, we are actually the universe reflecting on itself. And this changes everything.”
We are the universe reflecting on itself and just as the Cosmos is vast, so are the experiences of human life. We’re not all meant to follow a neat and orderly direction or accomplish all the same things. We’re meant to be wholly ourselves and that means making new milestones.
I dream of a world where we’re proud of ourselves for the things we’ve accomplished even if no one else is. A world where we understand we’re all unique expressions of the Divine Beloved and that means we all express ourselves in different ways. A world where instead of comparing ourselves to other people, we make our own milestones.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
A friend sent me a podcast he created solely using AI and it freaked me out. By feeding a discourse into a large language model, it spit out a realistic conversation between two “people.” I didn’t love the podcast because the speakers said “like” too much, but still. AI created something much easier and swifter than me, a human. From there I spiraled into “AI will replace me” territory because I’m not a plumber – I’m a writer.
I tried to soothe myself by remembering AI can only regurgitate what’s already been generated and I’m creating something new. For instance, the novel I’m writing centers on a woman with an eating disorder who finds recovery from it. As astounding as it may seem, that story doesn’t exist for adults! So there’s still a role for me. But/and the whole thing has me pondering what are my gifts? And beyond that, what does it mean to be human?
The thing I do as a human that AI cannot is commune with subtle energies. I receive messages from the Divine Beloved and communicate them to humanity. To that end, I’m sharing a letter from my higher power to me because I think you will also find it beneficial.
This picture reminded me of the expression, “Worth your weight in gold.” Photo by Kent Pilcher on Unsplash
Dear one,
You are irreplaceable. Who you are and what you contribute to the world is so much more than your paid work. It’s your interactions with others, it’s your life experience, it’s your wisdom, your kindness, and your love. You are a part of the web of life and bigger than what you generate or what AI can generate on your behalf.
You worry about AI replacing you but you don’t realize that’s impossible. A machine cannot fulfill all the roles and functions that you do. You are love itself and that’s more precious than anything currently in existence. You touch minds and hearts wherever you go and that’s what matters, not whether you can create a podcast in three minutes.
Society is entering a new phase of development where everyone is learning what it means to be human so you will become even more valuable. You do not treat people like machines. You don’t look at them for what they can produce or how they can help you. You look at people as expressions of divinity. You remind them they’re special and sacred and that cannot be quantified, nor can it be replaced.
I know you’re scared you’ll be out of a job soon but you will never be out of a job even if your role changes because your job is to know Me, to love Me, to move toward Me, the ever-loving entity that pervades this universe. When you take shelter under me, you are always shielded from every storm. So do not worry. You are held, you are loved, you are guided every moment of every day. Rest in that, trust in that, and know all is well.
I dream of a world where we recognize we are so much more than what we produce. A world where we understand we are irreplaceable as unique expressions of an infinite loving consciousness. A world where we understand we are interwoven in the web of life and that’s far more complicated than it may seem. A world where we remember we’re irreplaceable.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
All week I’ve been thinking about how people are complicated and contradictory. A person can be a mass murderer and an excellent dog parent. A man can beat his wife and act meek at work. A woman can preach love and kindness and be sharp and cutting with her inner circle. Instead of trying to puzzle out which side is the “real them,” my perspective is it’s all them.
Walt Whitman speaks to this in one of his poems when he writes, “Do I contradict myself? / Very well then I contradict myself, / (I am large, I contain multitudes.)” In therapy, this contradiction is recognized via the modality “Internal Family Systems,” also known as parts work. The traditional form of IFS categorizes the various parts of a person into three roles:
- Managers, who seek to control surroundings, manage emotions, and navigate tasks in daily life.
- Exiles, or parts that hold hurt, fear, and shame that are tucked away and hidden from conscious awareness.
- Firefighters, who seek to inhibit difficult emotions by any means necessary such as addiction.
Personally, I find those categories too limiting. For instance, I’ve done a lot of trauma and recovery work so the parts of me that hold hurt, fear, and shame are not exiled – they are seen, heard, and accepted. Regardless, what I appreciate about parts work is it recognizes how complex humans are – that we contradict ourselves and act in surprising ways. And instead of focusing on one part or another part, IFS emphasizes embracing all of it. IFS says the part of you that flies into a rage is just as much you as the part that weeps over a sunset. It’s ALL you.
We are everything. Photo by Austin Neill on Unsplash
Our society very much likes polarization and black-and-white thinking. “This person is a monster! This person is a saint! This thing is good! This thing is bad!” But that’s not true. Reality is nuanced. People are nuanced. You can be a little bit right and a little bit wrong AT THE SAME TIME! Baffling, right? But it’s true.
This is something I appreciate about my spiritual tradition – it emphasizes embracing everything. It doesn’t say this thing is an expression of an infinite loving consciousness but that thing is not. It doesn’t say, “You’re only allowed to feel happy and peaceful all the time.” No, my spiritual tradition says, “You’re human, you have instincts and emotions and we want you to feel those too. We want you to recognize those parts of you are also sacred and holy.”
Gorgeous, right? We practice viewing everything as sacred with something called madhuvidyá, which literally means “honey knowledge.” It’s a sort of magic wand that transforms your thinking when done well. My spiritual teacher says, “This madhuvidyá will pervade your exterior and interior with … [ecstasy] and will permanently alleviate all your afflictions. Then the ferocious jaws of [degeneration] cannot come and devour you. The glory of one and only one benign entity will shine forth to you from one and all objects.”
The practice of madhuvidyá says even this thing I don’t like or perhaps even hate is an expression of an infinite loving consciousness. Practicing madhuvidyá means I’m able to see beyond the surface of people, places, and things to witness their true form. I recognize everything is Brahma, Cosmic Consciousness, Source, the Universe, whatever name you have for it. And just as the universe is vast, complicated, and contradictory, people are too. As a reflection of Cosmic Consciousness, we contain multitudes.
I dream of a world where we understand people are not one way or another. A world where we recognize people have parts of themselves that get expressed at different times. A world where instead of thinking one part is real and another is false, we understand that all of it is true. A world where we remember that as reflections of Cosmic Consciousness, we contain multitudes.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Related to my post from last week about accepting the mystery is a Sanskrit word: liilá. What we don’t understand, what we can’t explain, is called liilá but the more literal translation is divine play or sport. My spiritual teacher says, “The numerous ways in which the divine game of [Cosmic Consciousness] is being played is simply beyond human imagination.”
So often I don’t think of life as a game, I think of it as a race. I’m trying to keep up with my peers and make it to the finish line as fast as possible so I can get my medal. But that’s not what we’re doing here – we’re playing. The distinction is important because as my friend Sohail Inayatullah demonstrates in his work of causal layered analysis, the myths and metaphors we carry are what deeply impact how we move through the world and thus our futures.
Sohail isn’t the only one to talk about the power of myths and stories, of course. You don’t have to be an academic or a therapist to know this is true. You likely have some experience with it yourself, either directly or indirectly. You probably know someone who thinks everyone is out to get them and they filter out all the ways people show up selflessly because it doesn’t fit with their worldview. You likely also know someone who thinks everything works out for them and it does.
It’s all just a dance. Photo by Ahmad Odeh on Unsplash
To get back to the metaphor of life as a game, what I like about it is that means things aren’t so serious. There’s less at stake. Not getting that promotion is no longer the massive deal it seems to be and instead similar to drawing a bad card and waiting for your turn to draw another one. Things are terrible now but just wait until you roll the dice again and move ahead three spaces. I don’t want to make light of the crappy things that happen in the world, of which there are many, but there’s a way to deal with the drama without it turning into a huge existential crisis.
Related to the concept of life as a game is something else my spiritual teacher said, which is, “Each and every created entity – whether crude, subtle, or causal – is vibrational and rhythmic. … The collective rhythms of all the rhythms emanating every moment from the countless objects of the cosmic imagination is called ‘universal rhythm.’”
My interpretation is everything has a rhythm – us included – and if that’s true, what if life isn’t only a game but a dance? Sometimes the dance is slow, other times it’s fast. Sometimes it’s partnered, or in a group, or solo. Some people sit out to catch their breath before joining but the dance continues. As my life continues to unfold, there’s something soothing about thinking I’m a part of a game and I’m not supposed to know what will happen next. Nor do I know what song will play next because I’m not the Cosmic DJ – I’m a dancer.
I dream of a world where we realize life isn’t a race but rather a game. A world where we remember the twists and turns is what makes the whole thing interesting. A world where we understand everything has a rhythm, us included. A world where we realize the music is constantly changing and that’s OK because we’re all over here dancing with the divine.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I want to know everything and if I could know it in advance, that would be great. As a journalist, this trait serves me – it drives me to keep asking questions and to understand whatever I’m writing about. In life though, well, I’m sure you can guess how this plays out, especially when life is doing its thing, i.e., being unpredictable and mysterious. For instance, I spent two months talking to a retreat site about renting their space at the end of the year and then all of a sudden, they said, “It’s not available.” They didn’t tell me why, give me a heads up that someone else was interested, nothing. Just, “Sorry, it’s not available but we hope to rent to you in the near future.” Um, thanks?
Many years ago, I spoke with a friend about this topic and he reminded me that the essential nature of our relationship to Higher Power is one of mystery. He likened it to being on a train where only Higher Power knows the destination. I think I know where we’re going as we crest hills and drop into valleys — I formulate an idea, but then the train keeps moving, so no, I don’t have a clue. Also, the more I try to understand, to know, and to control, the rougher my relationship with Higher Power is, and the rougher things are in the external world. The more I can let go and be OK with the mystery of life, the less I’m affected by curveballs and plans going awry. To be clear, I’m not unaffected just less affected.
If life were actually like a train then I’d know where I’m going. Photo by Josh Nezon on Unsplash
In the case of the retreat site, I screamed a little, punched a few pillows, worked out with weights, and then reminded myself that Higher Power always has a better plan than I do, even if it takes me a while to learn that. However, it’s also true that some things will always be a mystery – I’ll never get an answer, and by seeking one, I only drive myself crazy.
Accepting the mystery is something my spiritual teacher advocates. He says that Cosmic Consciousness has been “creating this unique, colorful world with His various powers. Why He is doing so is known to Him alone; no one else knows it. … It is a fact that human beings with their limited intellect can never understand the secrets of why and how [God] has been creating this universe; their wisdom can never fathom this mystery.”
Instead of trying to puzzle everything out, my teacher says, “You should think, ‘My little intellect cannot fathom all this – rather let me do one thing, let me establish a relation of sweet love with Him. When this relation of love is established, He will be my own, and I will know His inner secret; I will certainly find the answers to all the questions of ‘why.’”
I don’t know if I’ll finally know the answers to all my questions, but it certainly beats what I’ve been doing, which is hypothesizing, ruminating, and just generally overthinking. I still want to know why about everything, but what I’m coming to accept is my limited intellect is just that: limited. What helps me with the limitation is realizing life is a mystery and will remain a mystery. People are mysteries. Certain occurrences are mysteries. I can’t know everything the moment I want to so the best I can do is let go and keep developing a loving relationship with myself and with my Higher Power. And maybe one day I’ll eventually get the answers I seek.
I dream of a world where we remember we won’t always understand the things we want to understand. A world where we accept that life will perpetually throw us curveballs. A world where we remember our perspectives are limited and all we can do is continue to work on our relationship with the Great Self. A world where we accept the mysteries of life.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I love astrology for many reasons but one of them is that it offers me perspective. Starting in 2008, Pluto entered the sign of Capricorn and proceeded to show us the dark underbelly of themes associated with that sign: money and power, primarily. We’ve seen corruption in the banking industry, politics, the judicial system, and more. The evils of white supremacy and patriarchy have stared us in the face. That’s not to say some people weren’t talking about these things before 2008, because they were, but when Pluto moved into Capricorn, these issues became mainstream.
What we’re seeing now is the last gasp of that old way of being, embodied by Donald Trump. He is a convicted felon, a white supremacist, and a perpetrator of violence against women. Oh, and he wants to be the next king of the United States. Whereas in years past people were more secretive about these things, now it’s all out in the open. As you likely know, on July 26 Trump said, “Christians, get out and vote, just this time. You won’t have to do it anymore, you know what? Four more years, it’ll be fixed. It’ll be fine. You won’t have to vote anymore my beautiful Christians.”
A new day is dawning. Photo by Austin Schmid on Unsplash
So that’s terrifying. But you know what gives me hope? That Pluto is moving into Aquarius. Pluto in Aquarius says, “Screw top-down hierarchy – give me bottom-up! Power to the people, baby!” Whereas the dark side of Pluto in Capricorn is a consolidation of power, just as Trump is displaying, Pluto in Aquarius is about empowering the individual. It says, “You do you. Let your freak flag fly, honey!”
Zooming out gives me hope that we’re heading in a positive direction and it supports the sentiments of my spiritual teacher who says:
“There are some people who are pessimistic. They say that the society around us is very bleak … Pessimists say this because they have never made any detailed study of human history, nor do they care to. Had they done so, they would certainly be optimistic, because if they had looked carefully at the symptoms of pause, they would have realized that significant preparations were being made for the subsequent phase of speed. So under no circumstances should human beings be pessimistic. That is why I am always an incorrigible optimist because I know that optimism is life.”
Optimism is life and I’m choosing to keep living. That means that while some people’s words and behavior are appalling and terrifying, I’m choosing to believe things can and do get better. That we’re entering a new era. This post is very quote-heavy but I’m going to share another one from my spiritual teacher because he says it better than I can:
“Just as the advent of the purple dawn is inevitable at the end of the cimmerian darkness of the interlunar night, exactly in the same way I know that a gloriously brilliant chapter will also come after the endless reproach and humiliation of the neglected humanity of today.
“Those who love humanity and those who desire the welfare of living beings should be vigorously active from this very moment, after shaking off all lethargy and sloth, so that the most auspicious hour arrives at the earliest.”
I’m doing what I can so that the auspicious hour arrives sooner rather than later and I hope that you are too because together we can bring about the dawning of a new age.
I dream of a world where we remember that nothing lasts forever. A world where we understand even corruption gets stamped out eventually. A world where we realize that optimism is life. A world where we all work together to bring about the dawning of a new age.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
My very talented friend Krista Kahl hand-painted a shirt for me with the Pegasus constellation on it. I love this shirt. It’s the most interesting and unique thing I own and every time I wear it, I want people to compliment it. I have worn this shirt many times in numerous settings, always hoping someone will say, “I like your shirt” or even just “Cool shirt.” But they don’t.
As I wore this shirt the other day, I thought about what a former therapist told me: “The outside world reflects the inside world.” More specifically, “You don’t receive anything you aren’t already giving to yourself.” I don’t fully agree with him but I’ve found the premise to be true for the most part. So. Remembering that principle, I looked in the mirror and said, “I love your shirt, Rebekah! It’s so cool and unique!” Literally 30 minutes later at the chiropractor’s office, someone FINALLY said, “I like your shirt.” Ha! You can’t make this stuff up.
The shirt in question.
Why does this sort of thing happen? According to the spiritual philosophy I align with, everything is a thought projection of Cosmic Consciousness. That means nothing is external and everything is internal. It then follows how and why the same is true for the individual – that my internal world gets reflected externally. It’s why the law of attraction works (to a degree). This principle also aligns with cognitive bias.
Cognitive bias helps us make sense of the world and reach decisions with relative speed but a bias also means we discard information that doesn’t prop up our view of reality or a person. It’s why if I think the world is filled with liars and cheats, all I’ll see are liars and cheats. And if I think the world is filled with good people, I’ll see evidence of good people wherever I go. The outside world reflects the inside world but I frequently focus on the outside world instead.
While wearing my Pegasus shirt, I could ask, “What’s wrong with people? Why don’t they like this shirt? I could get what I wanted if only other people changed!” But I’m realizing, again, that when my own emotional cup is filled, it matters less what other people do and say because I’m already fulfilling my needs. To a point, anyway.
Human beings are not meant to fulfill all their own needs. We can’t live like hermits and become completely self-reliant because that’s not how we’re built, but how much are we ignoring the self in favor of the other? A quote that’s related to this comes from my spiritual teacher who says, “One who looks for Shiva in the external world, ignoring the Shiva of the internal world, is like one who throws away the rice that is in one’s hand and wanders from door to door in search of one’s livelihood.”
I’ve been known to do that – throw away the rice in my hand while I wander from door to door. I want someone else to offer me love, comfort, support, attention, and care and forget there’s already someone here who’s ready and willing to do that: me. And when I offer myself love, comfort, support, attention, and care, frequently someone in the outside world shows up to do that as well. Because the outside world reflects the inside world.
I dream of a world where we recognize sometimes we have to give ourselves what we seek from others. A world where we don’t discount the power we have to fulfill our own needs. A world where we remember when we do that, often people will show up to meet those needs. A world where we understand the outside world reflects the inside world.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I love a good coincidence and I’ll tell you why in a moment. First, here’s one that happened to me in the past week. The chain of events leading to the coincidence started in April when a man contacted me via Instagram from Lebanon. I don’t know how he found me but he’s a part of my spiritual community so I asked if he’d like to join a WhatsApp group we have for the young and youngish folks. In May, he shared a kiirtan, which for the unfamiliar is a Sanskrit word that means chanting the name of God. Popular kiirtans are Hare Krishna, Sita Ram, and Om Namah Shivaya.
I repeatedly played the kiirtan he sent and finally asked, “Who is the singer?” He told me the name but because it’s long and in Sanskrit, I’ll refer to him as “Dada S.” A few weeks later, I had a strong urge to host a group meditation at my apartment, which I haven’t done since February. When I emailed my community asking, “If I hosted, who would come?” the local monk said, “I’ll be there along with a visiting monk named … Dada S,” the very same Dada S whose kiirtan I’d been listening to on repeat! I took that as a sign that yes, I should host a group meditation.
Why is this pineapple on the beach? Unclear! Photo by Caleb Vandenheuvel on Unsplash
For context, this monk has worked in Lebanon for the past 10 years or so and is visiting the U.S. for a brief stint. I had the group meditation last week and I’m glad I did because it was incredibly sweet. And if I hadn’t hosted the meditation, we wouldn’t have met because the monk is currently staying an hour south of where I live. (I don’t have a car and the mensch who usually shuttles me to events down there is currently out of town.)
So many small decisions coalesced for our meeting to take place but that’s the thing about “coincidences” – there are always a series of small decisions or actions that culminate in a coincidence. For this reason, my spiritual teacher says nothing is coincidental, everything is incidental. However, what usually happens is we aren’t privy to the behind-the-scenes decisions and actions. That’s probably why some people, myself included, use the expression, “If it’s odd, it’s God.”
When something is a mystery, it’s easier to chalk it up to God and leave it at that. I do that too and marvel at how life can feel magical. But what’s interesting about the coincidence I just experienced is that despite knowing the backend of how my encounter with Dada S came to pass, I still think it’s magical and funny and interesting. It still feels like God.
So much of life can feel random and chaotic but when I experience coincidences, I get a glimpse of Divine Order. It’s like God is winking at me, saying, “Hi, yes, I’m here.” I’m reassured that there is a Divine Intelligence at play in my life and no, I’m not rolling around like a billiard ball bumping into one thing after another haphazardly. Instead, there is an unseen force orchestrating events and the question becomes, am I willing to pay attention?
I dream of a world where we realize nothing is coincidental, everything is incidental. A world where we realize we may not know the initial cause but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. A world where we remember there is a guiding force in our life that arranges circumstances and events for our benefit. A world where we remember if it’s odd, it’s God.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’m sharing this story to serve as a reminder for myself but also in case it’s helpful for anyone else. For months, things have been rough financially. I’ve watched my savings dwindle because the high-paying clients of yore disappeared. As a businesswoman, I’m probably not supposed to say that because people want to work with those who are successful and raking in the dough. Well, what can I say? I don’t know how to pretend.
Because of my financial situation, I’ve cried many tears and prayed my buns off, asking for help and guidance from the Divine Beloved. In March, while I was napping the name of a company came to me. I won’t share the whole story because I already wrote about it on my professional website but the short version is a CEO had asked me 3.5 years ago to write for him and I couldn’t at the time. After that nap, I reached out and he said, “I’d love to have you write for us.” The whole thing reminded me there’s a cosmic magician and that life can be surprising and delightful.
What a beautiful demonstration of nature’s abundance. Photo by Gustavo Quepón on Unsplash
As if to underscore that point about life being magical, Bank of America sent me a letter letting me know an inactive account contained some money. Would I like to claim it? Um, yes, I would. I seriously have no idea where the money came from or why I didn’t spend it years prior. But no matter! It came in just when I needed it.
The unexpected check from Bank of America reminds me that money can come from anywhere and that no client or job is my source. That’s also because my credit union told me this week some reward points are set to expire and would I like to redeem them for $125 in cashback? Ha! Yes, please!
So often I get tunnel vision and think if so-and-so hasn’t paid me yet that I’m screwed. If I don’t have X number of clients, I’m up the creek without a paddle. But that’s not true because the Divine Beloved is my source for all. The money doesn’t come from a job or a project. It comes from the energy that created everything. When I keep my focus on God, I’m open to possibilities and there is room for miracles to occur. I’m less attached to certain outcomes because I know my Higher Power can send things from the blue, like reconnecting with a business contact from my past, receiving a check from an inactive bank account, and telling me to cash in reward points.
The whole thing reminds me of what my spiritual teacher says about prayer, which is, “[Y]ou might ask for something very inferior, although you approach the All-Powerful for it. The best prayer is, therefore, ‘Oh Lord! Do whatever you think fit and best for me. I do not know in which way lies my good – You know.’”
Right now, I’m reminded just how true that is. The Divine Beloved knows what I need before I know I need or want it. I don’t always believe or remember that, but I’m hoping this post with multiple stories about money showing up right on time will reinforce the concept.
I dream of a world where we remember Cosmic Consciousness knows what we need before we do. A world where we trust that all true needs are always met in amazing ways. A world where we understand no person, place, thing, or situation is our source. A world where we remember the Divine Beloved is our source for all.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I keep thinking about a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset asserts that your intelligence, talents, and personality are fixed traits that cannot grow. There’s no improvement, there’s no change. A growth mindset is the opposite – it’s a belief that your intelligence, talents, and personality improve and change over time. However, instead of only applying the growth mindset to myself, as in, my novel-writing skills will improve, I also apply it to how I approach the world.
My spiritual tradition is a tantra-oriented practice, which if you break down the literal definition of tantra means liberation through expansion. In practice, tantra uses everything as a vehicle for liberation. That means every situation, every struggle, every everything is an opportunity to move closer to the Divine Beloved or further away.
Grow, baby, grow! Photo by Victoria Strukovskaya on Unsplash
Here’s a silly, but perfect, example of how I use everything as a vehicle for liberation. In June 2016, I went to a cat café and none of the cats came up to me. I consider myself a cat person even though I don’t have one and usually, cats rub against me, want to sit on my lap, etc. But these cats didn’t and I was offended, especially because they came up to my friend. What the heck?!? Was she special and I wasn’t?!? Truly, it threw me into a tizzy and it’s what prompted my post, “You So Special.”
My interaction (or lack of interaction) with a random cat, once, spurred me to start affirming that I’m special and unique. It showed me that I was relying on other people to do that for me but using that method is like trying to fill up a colander with water – there are too many holes and the water will keep streaming out. I had to, and have to, give myself what I need first.
Bringing it back to tantra, my spiritual teacher says tantra is an all-around fight, both internally and externally. That means facing my fears, protesting injustice, and always asking, “How can I use this situation or experience to grow?” In my personal life, it also means becoming more accepting of whatever is in front of me because I understand it’s there for a reason and the reason is not to torture me.
My friend Ramesh Bjonnes, author of Tantra: The Yoga of Love and Awakening, wrote about this on Facebook in 2016 and I’m partially quoting him now. He said:
“In meditation, we do not deny anything, we actually become more accepting of everything, and in doing so, we realize where peace and true satisfaction is truly found – not in the fluctuating reality of the body and the mind, but in the stillness of the soul. And that stillness is so big that it contains everything, the only change is that our focus has changed, our identification has changed. It is from this state, we can more soulfully deal with pain, heartbreak, stress, and all the other stuff of life. This is the gift of meditation, to be able to dip into the ocean of the soul and thus return spiritually refreshed.”
Dipping into the ocean of the soul means taking a broader perspective. It means approaching life not from a fixed mindset of, “This will never change” or “I just need to find the right configuration of ____ to be happy.” It’s approaching life from a growth mindset of, “How can I grow from this situation? What can I learn?”
I dream of a world where we recognize we have a choice about how we approach life. A world where we understand we can view the things that happen to us from the standpoint of a victim or as something we have agency over. A world where we recognize we can grow from our experiences if we wish. A world where we have a different orientation toward the world that’s about moving us closer to the Divine Beloved.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.