I have a confession to make: I want everything to be easy. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this. I think we all want a life of ease and comfort, but I had a conversation recently that irrevocably shifted my perspective.
My dear friend Amal is super into astrology. I don’t mean the “Now is a good time to ask for a raise” kind of astrology that you find at the back of Cosmo magazine. I mean the highly accurate, “Here are the overarching themes and archetypes of your life,” kind of astrology. He recently gave me an impromptu reading (over text message no less!) that rocked my world. He told me if he were to characterize my life as a movie, it would be about a woman who wants to make it in the world, concretely, in her career or in a way that gets her recognition. And furthermore, because of other planetary placements, my career, vocation, and recognition in the world are also where I’ll feel the most blocked.
Our greatest struggle could become our greatest asset.
Ding, ding, ding. Right on the money. When he said that to me, I wanted to burrow under the covers because it was in that moment I realized this is going to be a life-long struggle. As I wrote about in my last post, succeeding in my career will not be as easy as tuning into a 90-minute webinar, as much as I’d like to believe it would. That’s not the movie I’m in. Cue the gun emoji.
He said to me, “Listen, your challenges are what set you up for your greatest potential. If you look at the chart of a famous or accomplished person, it’s not their ‘easy’ or ‘harmonious’ aspects that they express so powerfully. The easy stuff comes automatically; you get lazy about it. No, you look to the hard aspects, the challenges. The challenges are the blueprints of your greatest possible destiny.”
He then proceeded to give me several examples of people with hard aspects who have done something incredible, such as Pope Francis, William Blake, and Bach. It was then I realized my struggles, the places where I suffer, are where power and metamorphosis rest.
My spiritual teacher wrote a letter to his followers and one line of it, which I’m paraphrasing, is “Suffering will be your asset.” I used to think he meant suffering will be our asset because suffering is what builds character, or encourages people to turn to spirituality, or to make changes in the world – and all of that is true – but I’m also starting to think he meant suffering is what forces us, personally, to achieve greatness. It’s when we can work with the hard parts of our lives, when we integrate the things we disown, that we radically transform ourselves and the world.
I dream of a world where we use the hard parts of our lives, the places where we struggle and suffer, to spur us forward. A world where we turn those challenges into our assets. A world where we work with those energies to accomplish something truly great and long-lasting.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I have this “thing” about age and success. I am riotously envious of those who are young and successful. Success in this sense means they wrote a best-selling book or started a business or head up a major department at work. It may seem strange for me to talk about success when only a few weeks ago I wrote a post about how only love is real. I do believe only love is real, but at the same time I know I am here to birth certain creative projects, and I have a desire to see them succeed. I feel envious of people (even fictional ones!) who are doing well for themselves under the age of 30. Somehow in my mind if you’re successful and you’re young, it’s a double whammy. A double achievement.
There are many issues I could touch on here – how success may be defined in numerous ways, how success doesn’t guarantee untold bliss and happiness – but what I’d like to focus on is the link to age. Why is it such a big deal for me? So what if some kid became a millionaire at age 12? So what if someone started up a billion dollar company and retired at age 32? Does age really matter? Why is youth such a trophy?
You know what? It’s not. Ultimately age is not important, it’s just a marker of when something was accomplished. I can take out my pressing need to do things quickly and while in the bloom of youth because really it’s the idea, the project, the art that’s most important. When I focus on age I lose sight of that. Yes, only love is real, but I am a human and I was put on this Earth to engage. To be a conduit for the divine and transmit certain messages. That’s what’s important. Not when I transmit them. “When” doesn’t ultimately matter as much as showing up for my part. If I accomplish something sooner it doesn’t make it more valuable. Let me say that again. If I accomplish something at the age of 15 or at 50 neither is better than the other.
Admitting “when” something is accomplished is not important is difficult for me to accept because I’ve been focused on the “when” for so long. But honestly, I’ve known in my heart all along the creation is what’s matters most.
A friend of mine said to me years ago young people who join 12 step programs are so lucky because they spend fewer years acting out their addictions. My response to him was even experiencing one day of sobriety is a gift. It doesn’t matter when you become sober, just as long as you’re sober. The same can be applied to dreams I think. It doesn’t matter when you accomplish your dreams, as long as they are accomplished.
I can now release my want to do things immediately and before I’m 30 because I know there is plenty of time. I don’t have to rush. Everything falls into place when it’s supposed to, and the idea success is even greater if I’m young when it happens can drop off because that’s all in my mind. I don’t have to believe that anymore. And I have the same wish for others.
I dream of a world where we all lose our hang up with time. A world where we understand “when” doesn’t matter, as long as our heart and soul’s desire comes to fruition. A world where we understand perhaps benevolent forces are at work that have a broader perspective about “when” it’s best for something to manifest. A world where we live freely without comparison and judgment. A world where allow ourselves to be, to dream, to achieve, knowing whenever our projects manifest is when they’re supposed to.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
For much of my life I felt like I needed to be number one in order to be successful. I needed to be number one in my class, the best writer, the best stage manager, the best whatever. Because if I wasn’t number one then I wasn’t successful! (And then there’s the whole not-feeling-worthy-unless-you’re-successful thing I’ve written about before.) And if someone else is successful that means I am not because there can only be “one” ______. Who says? Who says if I am successful no one else can be? Or vice versa?
I bring this up because this week I read an article in the New York Times about all these successful New Age 20-something women who are writing best-selling books and garnering a following. Something akin to panic welled up in me as I thought to myself, “If they are successful that means I won’t be! By the time I get published no one will be interested in my story because they’ll have read it all before!”
That viewpoint though is one of scarcity. It’s the belief there can only be one best-selling author, one great yoga teacher/painter/chiropractor/doctor/whatever. Why does someone else’s success take away from mine? It doesn’t. This great vast Universe we live in is one of abundance. There is more than enough for everyone. There is enough abundance in the Universe for everyone to share in it. There can be many best-selling authors, many award-winning actresses, many top-notch physicians. We can all be successful.
This week I also read a blogpost on HealYourLife.com from Peggy McColl who wrote about being number one:
If we can be genuine about generating the emotions of joy, enthusiasm, and abundance within ourselves, the universe will work with us to bring about situations that match these feelings. Letting go of the destructive belief: I can’t reach my goal if someone else reaches his opens us up to the more positive thought: There’s enough abundance in the world for everyone to share in it!
I want to feel that. I want to revel in someone else’s success because I know their success does not preclude mine. I want to feel joy for others because I know there’s plenty to go around. I want to feel the abundance raining down on me because there is enough for everyone. Everyone can be successful in their own right. In whatever that means for them. Every person has the capacity for greatness, for success. Why can’t we all be successful? I think we can.
I dream of a world where we feel true joy for someone else’s success because we recognize each life is different and my success has nothing to do with yours. Where we recognize the world we live in is filled with abundance and so there’s more than enough for everyone. Where we can each share in what the other has to offer because there is room at the table for all of us. Where we realize we are made to be different and thus my success will not look like someone else’s. Where we know we can have what we want and our creator is showering us with prosperity at all times.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.