An emotion I feel frequently is frustration and it’s usually because people and situations aren’t moving as fast as I’d like. I don’t mean literally – I’m not a speed demon – I mean in terms of actions. A frequent complaint I have is, “Why is this taking so long?” That’s everything from a person returning my telephone call to becoming a bestselling author. I want everything yesterday. The whole “waiting” thing is a ripoff, if you ask me. Given my penchant for moving quickly, it should be no surprise that the universe gives me plenty of opportunities to practice patience.
I’ve written dozens of posts about patience over the years, including most recently on New Year’s Eve when I wrote about the future unfolding. I know that things bloom when they’re ready and we’re looking at our watches while God is looking at the calendar. But even with all those posts, I still want things to move quickly! This might also be a good time to mention it’s taken me three times as long to write this post as my other ones and that even writing a post about it being OK to go slow, I want to go fast.
I’m struggling with what to say but when I let my writing flow in the form of a letter, the words poured out. Here’s a letter to me from my Great Self but maybe your Great Self wants you to hear it too:
“I know you want everything yesterday. I know nothing moves as quickly as you’d like. You see the end-game, you know how things could be. It’s one of your gifts to dream, to imagine. It’s the creative spark that lives within you seeking expression. You have an active mind and that’s one of the best things about you.
“It’s easy for you to make big jumps, to go from A to Z very quickly but not everyone else is like that. Other people need to take baby steps. They need to move slower. They need time for their brains and bodies to catch up. It’s OK for you to match their pace, it’s OK for you to go slow. It’s OK for you to rest and relax and know that everything is going exactly as it should at the pace it should.
If you’re going at a snail’s pace, that’s OK too. Photo by Olivier Piau on Unsplash
“You aren’t alone, you aren’t doing all this by yourself. It’s not your self-will that’s making things happen. It’s you matching the universal, Cosmic rhythm. It’s you syncing your desires with the Cosmic desires. It’s the outside world pouring into you, supporting you.
“When you want to rush, think about the natural world. You may want to harvest blueberries right now but you have to wait for a bud, then a bloom, then a blueberry. The natural world knows how to move slowly. It’s the human world that does not. It’s people who say you should have this accomplished by this age and if you don’t, you’re a failure. It’s the human world that touts overnight successes and doesn’t honor the people who write four books before they publish a bestseller. It’s the human world that tells you that you should be moving at a pace other than the one you’re moving at.
“All of nature is here telling you it’s OK to go slow, that you can take all the time you need. Rest, be gentle with yourself, and know there’s nothing shameful or wrong about incrementally working toward the things you want. That’s usually how it happens.
“Remember that your spiritual teacher says, ‘Suppose, immediately after planting some saplings and seeds, someone digs them up to find out if they have taken root or sprouted. That would not be considered wise.’
“Sometimes you have to wait for your desires to be expressed, but there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s natural and the way the world works. You’re doing great and even though you don’t believe it, all is well, my dear, all is well. Go as slow as you need to go and let other people go slowly too. What is meant for you will not run past you. Trust that.”
I dream of a world where we remember it’s humans who tell us to rush and go as fast as possible. A world where we understand nature models slow and steady progress. A world where we recognize it can take a while for our dreams and desires to sprout but that doesn’t mean they aren’t blossoming. A world where we remind ourselves it’s OK to go slow.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
My birthday is swiftly approaching and I keep thinking about time. I’m pondering how things happen and when so it seemed only fitting to recycle this post from October 2018. I have yet to see the man mentioned in this post again, but it’s a nice story regardless. Enjoy.
This weekend I met someone formerly associated with my yoga and meditation group way back in the 70s when he lived in Atlanta. That may not seem especially remarkable, but it’s literally never happened to me before. I’ve met people who had some exposure to it, but not people who engaged with the practices and then drifted away.
My yoga and meditation group, while worldwide, is small and the chances of affiliation with it coming up in the first conversation with someone at a party is unlikely. I grin thinking about the encounter from this weekend because it reminds me the universe is not random and chaotic. There is an order and intelligence at play, of which I get glimpses sometimes.
I take comfort in believing order and intelligence reign because there are a lot of things going on in the world and my life that I don’t understand, that I wish were different. There are certain elected officials I wish weren’t in office. There are certain policies I wish were abolished. I wish my body reacted differently to certain foods. I wish I didn’t have certain ailments.
This picture will make sense as you keep reading. Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash
And when I spend all my time wishing things were different – while also working to change them – I get frustrated and feel like I’m beating my head against a brick wall. I easily succumb to despair. When life throws a little magic, a little synchronicity my way, hope flares up again and I’m reminded that perhaps I’m unable to see the whole picture. That I’m a character in a play that only knows her lines and not the lines of everyone else.
The other reason I appreciate the encounter from this weekend is the demonstration that things circle back. The man I met hasn’t been an active member of my group for nearly 50 years and now he might pick it up again. In my mind, if something doesn’t happen in the short term, it will never happen. I have big dreams and at the moment it seems like I’m veering away from them. I feel sad about that because these dreams are near and dear to my heart, but at the moment they aren’t feasible given my energy levels and my financial situation. Does that mean I give them up for good?
Intellectually, I understand the answer to that question is “no.” I see many models in society of people who accomplished things later in life, but emotionally, the answer feels like a “yes.” The more reminders I have that things circle back, that dreams can be delayed, the better.
My spiritual teacher says that “whatever happens in this universe of ours is nothing but an expression of Cosmic desire or Cosmic will … when a human desire and His desire coincide, then only does the human desire become fruitful, otherwise it is a sure failure.”
Sometimes when I want something to happen doesn’t match up to when the cosmos wants something to happen. Sometimes the soil isn’t fertile enough. Sometimes you plant something and the yield is pitiful, but after adding nutrients to the soil, the yield is plentiful. I’m reminded here the universe is playing a long game. My recovery mentor says, “You’re looking at your watch while Higher Power is looking at the calendar.” My part here is to have patience, trust, and faith in the timing of things.
I dream of a world where we remember the universe has a long-term plan while many of us only think in the short term. A world where we recognize if we’re not ready for something just yet, it will circle back to us if it’s meant to be. A world where we realize instead of looking at our watches, we should be looking at our calendars.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
A close friend of mine used an analogy the other day that’s stuck with me. She said her higher power has closed a door in her life and hasn’t opened another one yet. So for now she’s stuck in the hallway, waiting for another door to open. Yesssssss. That’s so my life right now. I’m in limbo, in the hallway, waiting for something new, for a door to open, but it hasn’t yet and it’s uncomfortable.
I hate this phase. I think most people do. And at the same time I recognize this is a part of life — it’s filled with speed and then pause. Even when breathing we inhale, pause slightly, and then exhale with another slight pause. When we walk, we put one foot on the ground or we can’t move forward. The left foot makes the next step only if the right foot prepares by being placed on the ground.
I live here now. Metaphorically speaking. Photo by Runnyrem on Unsplash.
My spiritual teacher says, “This is crucial for successful movement. Thus if we wish to say something about speed, or the characteristics of movement, we will have to acknowledge the necessity of the state of pause otherwise it will not be possible to move into the next stage. … This speed and pause will continue. Pause means gathering momentum for speed in the subsequent phase. If one closely watches the effect of speed on a particular community or the entire humanity, one sees that generally people eulogize the period of speed. However, we cannot afford to ignore the state of pause, because by judging what the previous state of pause was like, we can discern the speed of the next phase.”
A couple of things jump out at me from that quote. First of all, the pause is temporary. It feels like I’m going to be stuck in this hallway forever but I won’t be. Worse comes to worst I’ll get a job at an ice cream parlor or a grocery store or something. Things will change, they absolutely will, even if a part of me doesn’t believe that. I’m reminded just because I may not believe something doesn’t make it any less true. For instance, some people still believe the Earth is flat, but regardless, the Earth is round.
The other point that jumps out at me from the quote is the last bit, about how the state of pause can help discern the speed of the next phase. What I’m taking that to mean is my life is going to go off like a rocket. All of this momentum, this angst, is going to catapult me into the next phase and my life will move at warp speed. I cannot express how much I’m looking forward to it. And at the same time, I’m recognizing the necessity for this state of pause, this place where I’m spinning my wheels, revving my engine, and getting ready to zoom ahead. Pretty soon a door will open and I’m going to bolt through it. But for now I’m here, in the hallway.
I dream of a world where we recognize the importance of limbo periods. A world where we understand in order to move ahead we also have to pause, to gather momentum. A world where we recognize even when it seems like we’re standing still it’s all in service of what’s next.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’m traveling so I’m recycling this post from almost exactly 10(!!) years ago.
What’s coming up for me this week is patience and timing. There are some things in life I really, really want. In the past I’ve taken steps to attain those goals and felt impatient/frustrated when I didn’t get what I wanted the very minute I wanted it.
When I moved to California, I wanted a job and apartment and friends immediately. That obviously didn’t happen. I spent much of those seven months feeling frustrated and wanting to beat my head against the wall. I think about how I scoured Craigslist hourly, looked at every media job bank available, joined a temp agency, used my connections, etc. I did everything I possibly could to become employed and felt SO aggravated when it didn’t happen right away. Now I look back and laugh because clearly things happen when God wanted them to, not when I did. And that’s what I’m learning, that’s where patience comes in for me: acceptance of someone else’s timeline.
Sometimes life moves at the speed of a tortoise. Photo by Luca Ambrosi on Unsplash
I see how God has a timeline and it more than likely does not match up with mine. I mean, really, I joined a temp agency and didn’t get a stitch of work. Not a single job. I have to laugh because clearly it all happened when God deemed fit.
It’s a lesson I’m applying to my current situation as well. I really want to be in a relationship. I really want a companion in my life. I get out a lot, I know tons of people, I’m on a dating website, but it’s not happening. I’m doing everything a person can possibly do but it’s not manifesting. Here’s the thing. It’s not up to me. Not really. The timing has to be right, not just for me but also for whomever I’m going to end up with. My life is clearly guided by a force greater than myself, a force that knows what’s in my best interest and that’s something I’m learning to accept.
I guess what I’m saying is I finally accept there are some things (many things) I do not control. Many things, like timing, are out of my hands. And in my mind acceptance is a synonym for patience. I accept I’ll be in a relationship when God deems it time; I accept I’ll get to the front of the line at the bank when I do; I accept the bus will come when it does. When I accept what life is I feel patient. I can either beat my head against the wall in frustration or I can enjoy what’s before me.
I choose to accept my life as it is, to feel content with what’s here. I choose to enjoy my situation, feel satisfied with the present moment, and know everything has a timeline and will eventually blossom. I choose to savor every drop of my life because this moment is all I have. I know some things take a while and I’m finally willing to wait.
I dream of a world where we recognize things happen according to God’s timeline and in the meanwhile the best we can do is enjoy what is. I dream of a world where each person is filled with ease and patience and joy. A world that caters to our best interest as opposed to instant gratification. A world where patience is valued, where we’re willing to wait for what we want.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I don’t set New Year’s resolutions. I used to set New Year’s intentions, which morphed into New Year’s visioning. The idea stems from the notion it’s easy to fall into inertia and let one day bleed into the next. That if we don’t have a plan, we’ll wander around listless, purposeless, like a thistle blowing in the wind. However, here we are at the end of January and I haven’t finished envisioning what I want for this year.
I feel loads of pressure to get it done this month, as if January is some magical time of year that leads to wish fulfillment. Or as if January is the “last-call month” and if I don’t create a road map for the year in January, somehow I’m doomed and none of my dreams will come true. That I’ll never change certain aspects of myself and my life. I know many people feel the same way because I’ve seen comments floating around on Facebook and Instagram saying things like, “January was my trial month. My resolutions actually begin in February.”
Why pineapples? Why not pineapples? Photo by Pineapple Supply Co. on Unsplash
I get it. I feel the same way. And I’d like to point out here not only can change happen at any time, but also we can start over at any time. I could start my day over at 10 p.m. And I could commit to something new on December 28th. The date and time don’t matter. The pressure we put on ourselves at the start of the new year, myself included, is self-inflicted.
The reality is we’re constantly changing, constantly moving. My spiritual teacher says movement is the very characteristic of the universe. So like it or not, we’re all moving. And the reality is the movement or change doesn’t often sync up with the calendar. That’s why most people don’t stick with New Year’s resolutions. We’re trying to make a change starting on January 1st, but maybe we’re not actually ready for the change yet. Maybe we’re trying to force something.
What I know to be unequivocally true in my life is change happens when all the elements sync up. When internally I’m ready and externally the world is ready too. For instance, I may want to travel through outer space, but until I train as an astronaut or someone builds a spaceship for private citizens, that’s not going to happen. Sometimes our inner motivation hasn’t lined up with the outer world yet, and that’s OK. That doesn’t mean they never will. Sometimes what’s required from us is patience and acceptance of what is.
I dream of a world where we realize change often doesn’t sync up with the calendar. A world where we remember change happens only when all parts align and that’s a process that can’t be rushed. A world where we go easy on ourselves if we’re not able to accomplish something we set out to accomplish because we understand maybe it’s not time yet.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
It’s been a whirlwind of a month – leaving my job, finding a new one, adding more than 42,000 words to my novel, Thanksgiving, freelance writing, catching the flu, and then December 1st was my birthday. I haven’t had time to process it all. I’m still recovering so needless to say, my creative capacity right now is zilch. The only post that came to mind was this one from almost exactly a year ago. The circumstances are different but the message is still valid. Enjoy.
It doesn’t happen to me often that I’m up most of the night, wide awake, unable to sleep, but it’s happening as I write this in my journal. It seems only fitting for the topic of this post, dreams.
The other day I pulled an oracle card and it was called “The Retriever.” The Retriever is a fairy who retrieves that which is lost, including dreams. The Retriever will hold onto the dream until the person is ready to pick it up again. Drawing the card I felt comforted. A sense of ease washed over me. I visualized my dreams as an orb off in the hinterlands.
So often we talk about our dreams as something to pursue, to constantly work toward, like they’re a marathon to train for. The Retriever reminds me my dreams are out there, ready and waiting for me, when I can attend to them. I don’t have to worry about them disappearing like a soap bubble if I’m unable to focus on them – they’re not going anywhere.
Each of these “dreams” is earmarked for a person. Photo by Ella Jardim on Unsplash.
Right now as you likely know, I’m unable to pursue my dreams to the degree I’d like. All I have the capacity for at this time is focusing on my health. I mean, obviously because I’m writing this post in the middle of the night instead of sleeping. While I could heap on further disappointment by telling myself my poor health is evidence my dreams will never come true, and I’ll be stuck here forever and always, I’m reminding myself my dreams are out in a field somewhere, earmarked for me, waiting patiently.
My spiritual teacher says that “whatever happens in this universe of ours is nothing but an expression of Cosmic desire or Cosmic will … when a human desire and His desire coincide, then only does the human desire become fruitful, otherwise it is a sure failure.” That’s a long way to talk about divine timing, but I also think it’s a message that I can focus on other things, like my health, knowing one day my desire will match the Cosmic desire, and my dreams will manifest. I would say I can’t wait, but that’s not true. I can wait and I will, because my dreams are out there somewhere with my name on them. There’s no rush. And that means I can take all the time I need.
I dream of a world where we realize our dreams are earmarked for us. A world where we realize our dreams don’t disappear if we’re unable to focus on them when and how we’d like. A world where we have peace of mind, recognizing when we’re ready to retrieve our dreams, they’ll be there waiting for us.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Years ago I read an interview about James Franco’s childhood. When he found out he would die one day, he cried because there were so many things he wanted to do and he didn’t think he’d be able to accomplish them all in his lifetime. I relate, but not exactly in the same way. Yes, there is a lot I want to see and do, but my predominant feeling is that I’m behind. If life were a race, my perception is I’d be losing.
In 12-step communities, we’d say I’m engaging in “compare and despair.” That is, I’m comparing my life to someone else’s and coming up short. It’s true, I am engaging in that sort of behavior, but it’s more than that. I feel pressured. I feel pressured to go out there and get what I want. To seize the day, to grab the bull by the horns, to not waste a moment of my life. Pick an aspirational cliché: It applies. And if I haven’t, if I’m not growing, progressing, or achieving, then I perceive myself as wasting my day, and in turn, my life.
I like this picture because it shows time, but also beyond time.
Friends, I’m exhausted. It’s exhausting having this kind of attitude, to try and beat the clock. How many times have we all heard, “Do it now because you never know how much time you have left”? I need to start operating my life as if I have all the time in the world. As if I were eternal. The alternative is what I’m currently experiencing: feeling rushed, anxious, and frustrated. I can’t go on like this. Instead of living like I could die tomorrow, I need to live like I’ll die when I’m 120. I say this because I’m the type who would be hospitalized for exhaustion, not the type who constantly says, “Some day. . .” and “some day” never comes.
My body is screaming for rest right now and I don’t get any rest if I’m constantly putting pressure on myself to live as if I’ll die tomorrow. I don’t get any rest if I feel like everything needs to be accomplished NOW. I need to start believing all the dreams in my heart will come true, but not tomorrow, and that’s OK because I have time. I also think it’s a part of spiritual practice to contemplate the qualities I associate with the divine, which my spiritual teacher corroborates. He says:
“The wise do not absorb themselves in the glitter and glamour of the fleeting entities of this transitory world. They focus all the zeal of their hearts upon the Eternal Principle that is the original cause behind these moving entities. Ensconced behind every change is the One Who Witnesses every transitory entity deep within that Supreme Entity, who is the only entity. The truly wise should contemplate and worship [that entity].”
It may not work for everyone, but for me, right now I need to contemplate the One Who Witnesses every change. I need to contemplate my eternal nature, the one who views time as merely a marker, rather than a race. I need to believe there is time enough for everything.
I dream of a world where we strike a balance between activity and inactivity. A world where we slow down. A world where we get in touch with the eternal part of ourselves. A world where we believe we will accomplish all the things we wish to accomplish, but maybe not in the time frame we’d like. A world where we realize there is time enough.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Patience. Timing. Things unfolding according to God’s timeline. It seems this week that’s the message I’m receiving over and over again. Not in a frustrating/dramatic/hit-over-the-head kind of way, but more in terms of me noticing how things take time but eventually do happen.
I think about how two weeks ago I freaked out about my EFT workshop, wondering if it would happen because not enough people were preregistering. I was so worried and if you stalk me on facebook, you know I promoted the heck out of it. But the preregistration deadline came and went and I only had 11 people even after using the law of attraction, word of mouth, begging and pleading, etc. I called up the supremely awesome Brad Yates, the person leading the workshop, and he said he’d do it anyway because, “I get paid in other ways beside money.” (Bless him!) So in that moment I exhaled, I released, I felt confident the workshop would happen, and wouldn’t you know it, I surpassed my preregistration requirement! Instead of 20 people, 22 showed up. The incident illustrated for me yet again how important surrender is, but also how things happen when the Universe deems them so.
Also this week I found out a friend of mine is dating someone she’s had a crush on for years. They’ve had a connection for a long time and now they’re finally together. It seems everywhere I turn lately I’m reading stories like that. I’ll see announcements on facebook, watch stories on tv of long-time friends becoming lovers, and read about it in books. It’s as if God is saying, “Don’t worry baby, the things you want will happen eventually.” And that’s finally where I am. Three weeks ago it was too early for people to put money down for the workshop I organized, but as it got closer, the timing was right.
I know this post is not incredibly profound but it still feels important to write. To write about how I understand things unfold when they will. To write about how oftentimes the answer to our prayers is, “Yes, but not now.” I really see how the events of our lives accumulate and we have to build up to a point. I may be able to see the window I want to look through while I’m standing on the ground, but I haven’t built the ladder yet to reach it. But my desire to look through the window is also my motivation for building the ladder. My desire to publish a book is my motivation to do so. It doesn’t mean as soon as I have a desire it will immediately manifest but it will happen. Eventually. Just as soon as I build that final rung I’ll look through the window.
I don’t know this post makes much sense or means anything to anyone else but I guess I want to document the change in my attitude. My development of patience because I am finally at a point where I do trust in my creator and my creator’s plan for me. Where I do trust what I want will happen, given time. As Marcelo Bielsa says:
“What’s possible has been done. What’s impossible is being done. For miracles we need time.”
I dream of a world where we all feel at peace. A world where we let our worries fall by the wayside because we know we are taken care of. A world where we understand eventually our hearts’ desires will come true. A world where we let time do what it will because we understand each flower blooms when it’s ready.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
As I write this one of my friends is in labor. Although she wasn’t due until the 24th the baby obviously had other plans. The reason I mention this is because all day yesterday and today I’ve been thinking about timing – how timing is out of my hands and how in the past that’s driven me crazy.
What I’ve realized though is timing is for my own good. Some things I’m not ready for, some things I haven’t learned yet and so others cannot happen. I think about this new child entering the world, how my friends haven’t even moved into their new apartment yet, how it’s “inconvenient” for the kid to come early, but it doesn’t matter: that child wants out.
I also think about a story I tell often. While walking in the woods one day a boy comes across a chrysalis. The boy is SO excited and wants to see the butterfly emerge from the cocoon as soon as possible. Knowing the transformation involves heat, everyday the boy comes back and blows on the chrysalis, to speed up the process. One day the boy blows on the chrysalis and a butterfly emerges. Instead of flying off, the butterfly falls to the ground and dies because its wings haven’t fully developed.
Timing, just like everything else, happens for a reason. If I received things when I wanted them it may be to my detriment. So where I am right now is I’m learning patience. I’m learning to accept my life as it is, to be present and in the moment because I realize everything is happening for my highest good. If I wanted to swim the
In the past I’ve been very impatient, wanting things to be delivered to me immediately. I see now how impatience is not understanding God is watching out for me. Impatience is not understanding if I were to get what I want right now I may not be ready for it and it may cause more harm than good.
I’d like to stay in a place where I recognize everything happens for a reason in my best interest. Where I know timing is for my own good. Where I realize life is one big training ground and in order for me to understand/receive certain things there are specific lessons I need to learn first. A place where I accept this moment in time and feel gratitude for all that came before it.
I dream of a world where we know things unfold for the highest interest of all parties involved. A world where we realize things come to us when we are able to receive them. A world where we rejoice in what is. A world where we accept what lay before us, all the while knowing eventually we will reach our goals.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.