Years ago I read an interview about James Franco’s childhood. When he found out he would die one day, he cried because there were so many things he wanted to do and he didn’t think he’d be able to accomplish them all in his lifetime. I relate, but not exactly in the same way. Yes, there is a lot I want to see and do, but my predominant feeling is that I’m behind. If life were a race, my perception is I’d be losing.
In 12-step communities, we’d say I’m engaging in “compare and despair.” That is, I’m comparing my life to someone else’s and coming up short. It’s true, I am engaging in that sort of behavior, but it’s more than that. I feel pressured. I feel pressured to go out there and get what I want. To seize the day, to grab the bull by the horns, to not waste a moment of my life. Pick an aspirational cliché: It applies. And if I haven’t, if I’m not growing, progressing, or achieving, then I perceive myself as wasting my day, and in turn, my life.
I like this picture because it shows time, but also beyond time.
Friends, I’m exhausted. It’s exhausting having this kind of attitude, to try and beat the clock. How many times have we all heard, “Do it now because you never know how much time you have left”? I need to start operating my life as if I have all the time in the world. As if I were eternal. The alternative is what I’m currently experiencing: feeling rushed, anxious, and frustrated. I can’t go on like this. Instead of living like I could die tomorrow, I need to live like I’ll die when I’m 120. I say this because I’m the type who would be hospitalized for exhaustion, not the type who constantly says, “Some day. . .” and “some day” never comes.
My body is screaming for rest right now and I don’t get any rest if I’m constantly putting pressure on myself to live as if I’ll die tomorrow. I don’t get any rest if I feel like everything needs to be accomplished NOW. I need to start believing all the dreams in my heart will come true, but not tomorrow, and that’s OK because I have time. I also think it’s a part of spiritual practice to contemplate the qualities I associate with the divine, which my spiritual teacher corroborates. He says:
“The wise do not absorb themselves in the glitter and glamour of the fleeting entities of this transitory world. They focus all the zeal of their hearts upon the Eternal Principle that is the original cause behind these moving entities. Ensconced behind every change is the One Who Witnesses every transitory entity deep within that Supreme Entity, who is the only entity. The truly wise should contemplate and worship [that entity].”
It may not work for everyone, but for me, right now I need to contemplate the One Who Witnesses every change. I need to contemplate my eternal nature, the one who views time as merely a marker, rather than a race. I need to believe there is time enough for everything.
I dream of a world where we strike a balance between activity and inactivity. A world where we slow down. A world where we get in touch with the eternal part of ourselves. A world where we believe we will accomplish all the things we wish to accomplish, but maybe not in the time frame we’d like. A world where we realize there is time enough.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’m digging into my archives again for this evening’s post. I’ve found this week has been all about remembering things pop when they’re ready, that as much as I would like, certain things cannot be forced. For more on patience paying off, read my latest article on Truth Leaders. Without further ado, a post from May of last year:
I moved into a new place about a week ago that’s a studio plus an office. In order to separate my bedroom from my living room, I bought a Japanese screen from Craigslist.
Pretty, right?
The night before I picked up the screen, I checked my wallet and all I had was $44. (The screen cost $45.) My new location is not as commercial as my other one, so I’m not near an ATM, nor is an ATM on my way to public transportation, so I wanted to avoid a special trip if at all possible. I dumped all the coins in my wallet on the floor and came up $0.26 short. I searched my whole apartment looking for the extra change. I scoured the bottom of every bag and backpack I own trying to come up with the money, running through scenarios in my head. Perhaps she would be fine with $44.74.
It struck me I should check my foreign money because, hey, you never know, right? I just got back from Italy, so maybe my American money would be mixed in. I searched my euros: nope, nothing. Then I pulled out my money from Costa Rica, a country I visited 11 year ago. Mixed in with all the coins was a $1 American coin. I kid you not. That coin was sitting in a bag at the bottom of my dresser for ELEVEN YEARS waiting for this very purpose it seemed.
The coin looked similar to this one. I hope it wasn’t a collectible.
I laughed out loud when I saw it and I think I said, “You have to be kidding me.” Things pop when they’re ready.
What’s also interesting to me is I’ve known someone for 10 years – we run in the same circles, have similar friends – and yet up until recently we’ve been acquaintances. Familiar acquaintances, yes, but I didn’t really consider him a friend. More like in between a friend and an acquaintance. Then in August, he started dating his partner and things changed. We started hanging out more and became real friends. So much so that I visited him in the hospital yesterday after he fractured his jaw while breaking up a fight. I didn’t know I felt that way until his partner sent out a mass message on facebook detailing what happened. Somehow I didn’t even question whether I would visit him, it was a given.
While at the hospital he was a pathetic sight – bandages strapped to his head, immobilizing his jaw, not able to talk. All communication was through paper. He wrote down, “Thanks for visiting me,” and I said, “Of course! That’s what you do for friends and family!” And I meant it. Because somehow we crossed the line of acquaintance and into friendship even though I’ve known him for a long time. Things pop when they’re ready.
I’m going to circle this post back to the last one I wrote “Starburst,” because I think the same principle applies. Matt Damon and Julia Roberts “popped,” they became famous when they were ready, or the universe was ready, or whatever “it” is that had to be ready. The exciting thing is we never know when the pop will happen.
I dream of a world where we understand all things in due time. A world where we know there’s no need to feel impatient because things pop when they’re ready. A world where we live each day in joy, feeling present, and alive because there is nothing more exciting than being on planet Earth when at any moment things can pop.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Because the universe always communicates with us, this week I've been receiving messages about healing my childhood stuff and really taking the time to set the course for who I want to be and where I want to go.
A friend posted on facebook the following video by Meg Jay on how 30 is not the new 20:
I love this video because it names what I've felt instinctually to be true: that our 20s set the course for the rest of our lives. They're like a plane just starting its ascent — it's so much easier to make a few adjustments at the beginning to ensure we end up in Bali than when we're just about to land in Bangladesh.
Even if you, personally, are not in your 20s, I'm sure you know someone who is who would benefit from the guidance Meg is imparting. There's this idea in the U.S. that somehow our 20s are trivial, that they're the time to wait tables in Buenos Aires and fall in love with all the wrong people because somehow it "doesn't count."
I love Meg's retort to that: there's a difference between exploration and procrastination. I agree wholeheartedly. To bring this back to me, what I sense about this time period is my person is being formed. My adult person. I know that what I'm doing now is determining how I will live and who I will spend time with. I'm building my identity capital by doing things that are important to me and I am picking my family. Even though I'm not married, I'm picking who I'll be in relation with, who I'll be an auntie to, who will be a part of my community.
I'm having some trouble articulating myself tonight because I'm quite tired, but her talk fires me up because it emphasizes to me there's no such thing as "later." What we do now defines our future. Her video emphasizes how important our 20s are and they're a point of power and change. I don't know how many times I've heard people say, "I wish I knew _____ when I was in my 20s." Let's make sure we don't have to say that again and let's make sure the 20-somethings in our lives hear such wisdom.
I dream of a world where we share the wisdom we know. A world where we realize the point of power is always in the now. A world where we make the most of all the time we have. A world where we embrace where we are yet make adjustments as needed.
Another world is not only possible, it's probable.
Normally I blog on Sundays but things have been so crazy I’ve been unable to do so until now. I moved into a new place about a week ago and then I had guests stay with me so it’s been quite a whirlwind!
All this week though I’ve noticed how things pop when they’re ready. As mentioned, I moved into a new place that’s a studio plus an office. In order to separate my bedroom from my living room, I bought a Japanese screen from Craigslist.
Pretty, right?
The night before I picked up the screen I checked my wallet and all I had was $44. (The screen cost $45.) My new location is not as commercial as my other one, so I’m not near an ATM, nor is an ATM on my way to public transportation, so I wanted to avoid a special trip if at all possible. I dumped all the coins in my wallet on the floor and came up $0.26 short. I searched my whole apartment looking for the extra change. I scoured the bottom of every bag and backpack I own trying to come up with the money, running through scenarios in my head. Perhaps she would be fine with $44.74.
It struck me I should check my foreign money because, hey, you never know, right? I just got back from Italy, so maybe my American money would be mixed in. I searched my euros, nope, nothing. Then I pulled out my money from Costa Rica, a country I visited 11 year ago. Mixed in with all the coins was a $1 American coin. I kid you not. That coin was sitting in a bag at the bottom of my dresser for ELEVEN YEARS waiting for this very purpose it seemed.
The coin looked similar to this one. I hope it wasn't a collectible.
I laughed out loud when I saw it and I think I said, “You have to be kidding me.” Things pop when they’re ready.
What’s also interesting to me is I’ve known someone for 10 years – we run in the same circles, have similar friends – and yet up until recently we’ve been acquaintances. Familiar acquaintances, yes, but I didn’t really consider him a friend. More like in between a friend and an acquaintance. Then in August he started dating his partner and things changed. We started hanging out more and became real friends. So much so that I visited him in the hospital yesterday after he fractured his jaw while breaking up a fight. I didn’t know I felt that way until his partner sent out a mass message on facebook detailing what happened. Somehow I didn’t even question whether I would visit him, it was a given.
While at the hospital he was a pathetic sight – bandages strapped to his head, immobilizing his jaw, not able to talk. All communication was through paper. He wrote down on a piece of paper, “Thanks for visiting me,” and I said, “Of course! That’s what you do for friends and family!” And I meant it. Because somehow we crossed the line of acquaintance and into friendship even though I’ve known him for a long time. Things pop when they’re ready.
I’m going to circle this post back to the last one I wrote “Starburst,” because I think the same principle applies. Matt Damon and Julia Roberts “popped,” they became famous when they were ready, or the universe was ready, or whatever “it” is that had to be ready. The exciting thing is we never know when the pop will happen.
I dream of a world where we understand all things in due time. A world where we know there’s no need to feel impatient because things pop when they’re ready. A world where we live each day in joy, feeling present, and alive because there is nothing more exciting than being on planet Earth when at any moment things can pop.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Patience. Timing. Things unfolding according to God’s timeline. It seems this week that’s the message I’m receiving over and over again. Not in a frustrating/dramatic/hit-over-the-head kind of way, but more in terms of me noticing how things take time but eventually do happen.
I think about how two weeks ago I freaked out about my EFT workshop, wondering if it would happen because not enough people were preregistering. I was so worried and if you stalk me on facebook, you know I promoted the heck out of it. But the preregistration deadline came and went and I only had 11 people even after using the law of attraction, word of mouth, begging and pleading, etc. I called up the supremely awesome Brad Yates, the person leading the workshop, and he said he’d do it anyway because, “I get paid in other ways beside money.” (Bless him!) So in that moment I exhaled, I released, I felt confident the workshop would happen, and wouldn’t you know it, I surpassed my preregistration requirement! Instead of 20 people, 22 showed up. The incident illustrated for me yet again how important surrender is, but also how things happen when the Universe deems them so.
Also this week I found out a friend of mine is dating someone she’s had a crush on for years. They’ve had a connection for a long time and now they’re finally together. It seems everywhere I turn lately I’m reading stories like that. I’ll see announcements on facebook, watch stories on tv of long-time friends becoming lovers, and read about it in books. It’s as if God is saying, “Don’t worry baby, the things you want will happen eventually.” And that’s finally where I am. Three weeks ago it was too early for people to put money down for the workshop I organized, but as it got closer, the timing was right.
I know this post is not incredibly profound but it still feels important to write. To write about how I understand things unfold when they will. To write about how oftentimes the answer to our prayers is, “Yes, but not now.” I really see how the events of our lives accumulate and we have to build up to a point. I may be able to see the window I want to look through while I’m standing on the ground, but I haven’t built the ladder yet to reach it. But my desire to look through the window is also my motivation for building the ladder. My desire to publish a book is my motivation to do so. It doesn’t mean as soon as I have a desire it will immediately manifest but it will happen. Eventually. Just as soon as I build that final rung I’ll look through the window.
I don’t know this post makes much sense or means anything to anyone else but I guess I want to document the change in my attitude. My development of patience because I am finally at a point where I do trust in my creator and my creator’s plan for me. Where I do trust what I want will happen, given time. As Marcelo Bielsa says:
“What’s possible has been done. What’s impossible is being done. For miracles we need time.”
I dream of a world where we all feel at peace. A world where we let our worries fall by the wayside because we know we are taken care of. A world where we understand eventually our hearts’ desires will come true. A world where we let time do what it will because we understand each flower blooms when it’s ready.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
As I write this one of my friends is in labor. Although she wasn’t due until the 24th the baby obviously had other plans. The reason I mention this is because all day yesterday and today I’ve been thinking about timing – how timing is out of my hands and how in the past that’s driven me crazy.
What I’ve realized though is timing is for my own good. Some things I’m not ready for, some things I haven’t learned yet and so others cannot happen. I think about this new child entering the world, how my friends haven’t even moved into their new apartment yet, how it’s “inconvenient” for the kid to come early, but it doesn’t matter: that child wants out.
I also think about a story I tell often. While walking in the woods one day a boy comes across a chrysalis. The boy is SO excited and wants to see the butterfly emerge from the cocoon as soon as possible. Knowing the transformation involves heat, everyday the boy comes back and blows on the chrysalis, to speed up the process. One day the boy blows on the chrysalis and a butterfly emerges. Instead of flying off, the butterfly falls to the ground and dies because its wings haven’t fully developed.
Timing, just like everything else, happens for a reason. If I received things when I wanted them it may be to my detriment. So where I am right now is I’m learning patience. I’m learning to accept my life as it is, to be present and in the moment because I realize everything is happening for my highest good. If I wanted to swim the
In the past I’ve been very impatient, wanting things to be delivered to me immediately. I see now how impatience is not understanding God is watching out for me. Impatience is not understanding if I were to get what I want right now I may not be ready for it and it may cause more harm than good.
I’d like to stay in a place where I recognize everything happens for a reason in my best interest. Where I know timing is for my own good. Where I realize life is one big training ground and in order for me to understand/receive certain things there are specific lessons I need to learn first. A place where I accept this moment in time and feel gratitude for all that came before it.
I dream of a world where we know things unfold for the highest interest of all parties involved. A world where we realize things come to us when we are able to receive them. A world where we rejoice in what is. A world where we accept what lay before us, all the while knowing eventually we will reach our goals.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
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