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The Fear Response

By Rebekah / September 24, 2010

A friend of mine says FEAR stands for F— Everything And Run. I tend to agree. This week some fear has been coming up for me. Old, residual fear about money, the future, blah, blah, blah. I’ve been tapping along to Brad Yates’ “Fear And Panic Right Now,” and I’ve realized I don’t need my f— everything and run response anymore. Fear does not keep me safe. Fear does not help me handle a situation. Fear doesn’t do anything except make me afraid.

Some people (myself included) have said fear is necessary. That fear keeps us alive because it stops us from sticking our hand in a fire or handling poisonous snakes. That fear is our survival mechanism.
Eckhart Tolle writes in The Power Of Now:
“The reason why you don’t put your hand in the fire is not because of fear, it’s because you know that you’ll get burned. You don’t need fear to avoid unnecessary danger – just a minimum of intelligence and common sense. For such practical matters, it is useful to apply the lessons learned in the past. . .The psychological condition of fear is divorced from any concrete and immediate danger. . .This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while your mind is in the future.”
I realize a lot of my fear centers on “what ifs.” What if I get laid off? What if that cute boy calls me? What if he doesn’t call me? What if I don’t meet my deadlines? What if I miss my flight? As Tolle (and Brad Yates, and ok, a ton of other people) say, if those situations come up, I’ll handle them. If I get laid off I’ll go on unemployment, or get another job, or move in with a friend. That fear response? I don’t need it. Not even a little bit.
I am more safe than I can imagine. I am more secure than I know. I am already provided for and loved. I am allowed to move through life with ease and grace and joy. When I feel afraid it’s my opportunity to come back to the present moment. It’s my chance to ask myself, “Are you freaking out about the future? Or something to be dealt with right now?” If it’s right now I’ll deal with it right now. Being afraid or not afraid doesn’t preclude me from taking action. I’m going to take the action no matter what. Not being afraid though? Sure is more fun. And I’ll probably be more clear-headed about my decision.
This is me releasing any remaining fear. This is me recognizing fear comes from a gap in my mind between me in the now and me in the future. And all there is, my friend, is now. Ram Dass said it best more than 40 years ago, “Be Here Now.” That’s what I want, to be here now.
I dream of a world without fear. I dream of a world where we all feel safe, secure and protected. I dream of a world where we move through life feeling ease and grace and joy. A world where we take the next right action and then the next, staying present with each step along the way. A world where we allow ourselves to be who we are because fear is no longer a part of the equation.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Acceptance

By Rebekah / September 17, 2010

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.”

There are a lot of things floating in my head at the moment regarding acceptance. One, how there is a balance between accepting things as they are and trying to change them. Acceptance is indeed the answer but it’s dangerous to associate acceptance with complacency. The idea, “Well that’s just the way things are. What can we do about it?” That is perhaps a blog for another time.
Mostly I want to talk about accepting divine guidance and accepting the path we are walking. There has been A LOT of resistance within me about my path and what the Universe has been communicating to me. There has been resistance because I was afraid, or didn’t feel worthy, or the whole thing felt unrealistic because I didn’t have any physical proof. I’ve been resisting, making myself miserable and frustrated. Now is the time for acceptance.
I’ve been standing in a place of indecision, waffling between two choices, and now I have tipped over the precipice. There is only so long I can ignore what the Universe is telling me.
I could reference my move to San Francisco here as an example but by now everyone knows that story by heart. (If you read AWIP regularly, that is.) Instead I will relay another one.
I skipped fourth grade, meaning I was younger than almost everyone in my class by the time I entered middle school. It also means I related better to the people in the grade below me because technically those were my peers. By the time I reached senior year of high school, I was the intellectual equal of my classmates but not the emotional equal. In short, I wasn’t ready to leave home. I wasn’t ready to leave the comforts of mommy and daddy and venture off on my own. It didn’t occur to me to take a year off; instead I decided the best solution was to go to UNC Chapel Hill, a school roughly 2.5 hours away. My brother went to school there, it was close to home, and it had a journalism program. Never mind I hated UNC from the minute I visited. Never mind all the times I went to yearbook camp there in high school and felt it wasn’t a good fit because it was too big, too provincial, and in the South. I went against my intuition because I was scared. And I paid for it.
I packed on 20 pounds while I was there and sunk into a deep depression. So deep I had fleeting thoughts of suicide. And you know why? Because I went against my very essence, of what I knew to be true in my heart: that I wouldn’t like UNC. Some people would say to just accept it, make the best out of being there. To cherish what I had and dig a little deeper to find my niche. I refused. Instead I trusted my intuition, my heart, and I got the hell out of there. I moved back to Charlotte, my hometown, for the second semester of my freshman year and then I transferred to American University in Washington, D.C. where I graduated from. It was a great decision. I (mostly) loved AU, not so much the school but the people I met there and the city. Instead of accepting my situation as it was, I instead accepted the divine guidance I received. Instead of accepting that I made a choice and the end, I was stuck at UNC, I allied myself with what my heart told me.
When people talk about acceptance they seem to leave that part out. I’m obviously all about self-acceptance, but I also think divine acceptance is important. You’ll be much happier if you accept what the Universe is conveying, that’s for sure.
I dream of a world where we accept what we know to be true. A world where we cherish the divine guidance we are given and let our hearts lead the way. I dream of a world where we rise up to meet our destinies. A world where we take inspired action along the way and leave the rest up to our higher power.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.       

I Am A Solution Allower, Not A Problem Solver

By Rebekah / September 10, 2010

Something kicking around in my head today is the idea we are not problem solvers, we are solution allowers. When I’m confronted with a problem I automatically jump to, “How can I fix it?” I like to plot all the possible solutions to the problem and then choose the best one. Somehow I’ve been trained to think it’s my job. In truth, it’s not.

When I was in college my scholarships and grants didn’t cover all of my expenses. I started off living in a house with some friends of mine but after one semester I couldn’t continue to afford it. My solution was to become an RA. Live on campus for free! Get paid for it! I put on my most charming smile and went to the interview assured I would get the job.

I didn’t.

Not only did I not get the job, but they made a guy I deemed creepy and who acted inappropriately toward women an RA. Someone who used to leer at friends of mine and may or may not have groped a mutual friend of ours. What did I do? I went to the head honchos and I complained. How could they not have given me the job??? How could they have given the position to that other guy???

I sat in the woman’s office and I cried about how unfair it all was, how I was a way better candidate than Joe Schmoe over there. Somehow I thought if only she saw how much I cared and how much this other guy didn’t deserve it, they would magically give the job to me. My act of outrage accomplished nothing other than moistening my cheeks with tears.

What to do next? I thought about being a nanny but geez, I was a senior in college. I didn’t have the time or the patience for that. I scoured Craigslist and university job boards looking for something. I felt inspired to look up babysitting gigs. What ended up happening is I became a live-in babysitter for a 10 year old. My only responsibilities were to pick her up from school everyday (which was within walking distance from the house!) and watch her until her parents came home from work. In exchange I lived rent free in their basement apartment. And not some studio either. A big apartment with a living room, bedroom, and kitchen. What the Universe provided for me was way better than what I picked out for myself.

Living in the dorms I would have used the communal kitchen, requiring me to schlep all my pots and pans as well as the ingredients to and fro. I would have had to deal with drunken students and fire alarms and floor activities to promote bonding. As a live-in babysitter? I just had to watch a sweet 10 year old for a few hours a day. And the family let me use their car when I needed it.

I guess I’m saying the Universe already has the solution to all of our problems lined up. All the live-in babysitter scenarios we could ask for. All the everything. It’s not my responsibility to figure everything out. It’s my responsibility to allow the best things to come to me. To take inspired action. To do what moves me, knowing and trusting the Universe along the way. The solution to the problem? It already exists – I just need to be open to hearing it.

I dream of a world where we realize everything we experience on this Earth is for the purpose of expansion. Where we realize our purpose is to not to solve problems but to live our solutions. A world where we allow ourselves to be taken to the solution as opposed to trying to force our own will. A world where we know all we need we already have.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Traveling Without A Roadmap

By Rebekah / September 3, 2010
There are two things that stress me out above all else: “shoulds” and the unknown. For instance, I “should” have written this blogpost earlier. I “should” have meditated longer before eating dinner. I “should” have woken up earlier today. I “should” devote more time to my fledgling business. You get the picture. The reason I love “shoulds” so much is I like having neat, orderly paths. I like structure and discipline because it makes me feel safe. And if I deviate from the path set before me? Whoa buddy, here comes the guilt or shame!
I like shoulds because I feel like I know what to expect. Just follow the yellow brick road of shoulds and I’ll get to see the wizard, life will be grand. But I get stressed out because I get caught up in the shoulds and sometimes the shoulds are conflicting. Like, “I should devote more time to my business,” in conflict with, “I should make my full-time job my priority.” Depending who you talk to you’ll get different answers. What I lose out on when I get caught up in shoulds is myself. What do I want to do? What’s most important to me? It’s very easy for me to get caught up in trying to please everyone else, sometimes even nonexistent people, rather than pay attention to myself and my own needs. Because what will happen if I do? Will you still love me? Will I still be safe and secure?
Once I start to pay attention to myself and my needs I freak out because I’m navigating in uncharted territory. I’m no longer following the path laid before me. I’m off the yellow brick road. So I feel stressed. How do I manage my life and myself? I’m not just talking obliquely, I mean concrete things too. Starting this spiritual entertainment company? There is no roadmap. There is no, “First you do this and then you do this.” Sure, there are suggestions, there are things I could do, but most of it is pell-mell, everything all at once. And that brings me stress. A lot of stress. “What the heck am I supposed to take care of next??” I feel like I’m in a room where clothes are strewn helter-skelter and I’m traveling from pile to pile picking up one item at a time. Where is my roadmap?? Where is my guide? Can I get a handbook please? Life feels much safer that way.
I have the answers and they can be distilled down into two expressions: “One day at a time,” and “Trust in a power greater than yourself.” I could barrage myself with a series of “shoulds” right now. A whole lot of, “You should take this one day at a time!” and “You should trust in the Universe and know you’re safe!” but I won’t. Instead I know that when I’m ready to pick up the tools I’ve learned, I will. When I’m ready to say, “Hey, I have no idea what the future holds and all I can do is live in the moment,” that I will. There is no one way I “should” be. There is no “right” way to live in the world. Have you looked at a roadmap recently? There are endless paths to Paducah.
I dream of a world where we let ourselves be who we are, feeling at peace with the knowledge there are endless ways to get where we’re going. I dream of a world where we feel comfortable with the unknown because we recognize we are already safe, we are already loved. I dream of a world where we roam free, traversing the world without a roadmap because we realize the roadmap is really just a suggestion.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.  

The Zest Of Life

By Rebekah / August 27, 2010

Oh perfectionism. I know thee well. You are the character trait that says, “I don’t want to make any mistakes at all. Ever. I want to do things right the first time, all the time.” You are the character trait I displayed the most while in school because you were frequently rewarded. Every time I did something “perfectly” I got an A, which got me attention, love, respect, validation. I got pats on the head and encouragement every time I trotted you out. I’ve attributed the successes of my life to you, thinking you were the reason, you were my motivator. And even though I graduated years ago I’ve carried you with me ever since.

For instance, last night I had a business coaching session with a friend of mine. (Have I mentioned another friend and I are starting a business?) And because I had no idea what I was doing, I felt really uptight about the whole thing. Because I don’t want to make any mistakes at all. Ever.
Even though I’ve written about mistakes, and perfectionism, and becoming a master, I have not cleaned up my past regarding perfectionism. So every time something comes up that resembles my past, perfectionism turns up like an eager puppy ready and willing to perform its tricks.
In thinking about all this, I’ve realized I’ve been portraying mistakes as something negative to be avoided at all costs. Yes, yes, there are no such things as mistakes, only choices, but tell that to the school girl who brought home a D on her math test. You know what mistakes really are? They’re the zest of life.
“Mistakes” are what life is made of. Closing the gap between a “mistake” and true alignment is the thrill of life. It’s that act, that feeling of, “Ah, now I understand this,” that is what life is all about. It’s coming into perfect alignment with who and what we are. The forward movement, the progression, the expansion, is the essence of life. Mistakes are the physical manifestation of that move toward expansion. If I started at the finish line every time I began a race, I wouldn’t have anywhere to run. It’s the journey from the beginning to the end where joy happens. Truly. We are growing, expansive creatures. So mistakes are awesome. Mistakes are beautiful. They are an opportunity for us to move forward, to become one with what we want. Closing that gap is the zest of life.
When I look at it that way, why on earth would I want to start doing things perfectly? I miss the whole point of forward movement and growth. I miss the whole point of expansion. I miss out on the thrill of finally getting what my teacher is instructing. The joy in learning comes not from acing a test but from starting something new and then having the “aha” moment where it all clicks. That’s where the pleasure lies. Right there.   
So instead of lamenting my “mistakes” and beating myself up for not knowing all the answers to everything, I sigh in relief and look forward in anticipation to where I’m going. I’m on a thrilling ride where I continually close the gap between what I don’t know and what I do. I love that process because that’s where life happens. That’s what I came on this earth to experience – the process of continual expansion. And expansion is a thrill that cannot be matched.
I dream of a world where we cherish our mistakes because that means when we finally “get it” the resulting feeling will be magnificent. I dream of a world where we love where we are and look forward to where we’re going. A world where we recognize the expansion that takes place in us is the most thrilling aspect life has to offer. A world where we recognize love holds no bounds and we are a part of all that is.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Who You Are Is Good Enough

By Rebekah / August 20, 2010

During a conversation with a friend this week I kept hearing the refrain, “Why aren’t you more like her? She is better than you are. Change yourself. Why aren’t you more like her? She is better than you are. . .” It was on a loop in my head.

Sometimes I wish I could shop for personality traits like I shop for food. “Oooh, let’s pick up some patience, perhaps a dash of charisma, and yes, I think humor will be quite nice as well.”
I get into “compare and despair” and that’s really not fun. You know why? Because I was created this way for a reason. My creator didn’t make any mistakes on me. There is a place for me here in this world as there is for everyone else. My curiosity is the reason I’m a good journalist. My seriousness means I stay on task and get stuff done. I am not a cookie made from a mold. I am a person who adds to the flavor of life. Food doesn’t taste nearly as good if you leave out the spices. And that’s what we are – the spices. Who I am is good enough. Who you are is good enough.
I’ve written this before I think it warrants mentioning again: We are made to be different. We are made to shine in our own ways. We are made to be who we are. Ok, yes, there are certain traits I don’t care for, like impatience. But let’s look at impatience. Why do I hold onto it? Because I thought I needed it to keep moving toward my goals. Well actually, that’s what drive and ambition are for, which means I can let go of impatience.
I guess I’m saying who we are is awesome and at the same time we can let go of our character traits that do not serve us. I can let go of fear, impatience, criticism, perfectionism, controlling. I can let those go and become the person that’s in alignment with my higher power. As Abraham Hicks says, “The only way of getting into the vortex is making peace with where you are,” and that means self-acceptance as well as self-love.
I dream of a world where we all know we were created for a specific purpose. A world where we know who we are is awesome. A world where we recognize we add spice to life. Where we know and feel we are all equal in the eyes of God. That we are all loved unconditionally already. A world where we really feel we are enough.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.  

Love Is My Motivator

By Rebekah / August 13, 2010

This post is an extension of last week’s topic on shame. Last week I realized shame is not seeing myself the way Source sees me. Not viewing myself through the eyes of unconditional love. I also realized guilt is judging myself for doing or not doing something I think I “should.” I started thinking about why guilt and shame come up for me in the first place because if they didn’t serve a purpose, they wouldn’t keep appearing. Then it hit me: I’ve been thinking guilt and shame are my motivators. If I feel badly enough about something then I’ll stop (or start) whatever it is. If I feel badly enough about eating 10 cookies then I’ll stop. If I feel badly enough about my mom making dinner every night I’ll start cooking instead.

So not true.
It’s not true. Feeling bad doesn’t do anything but make me feel bad. I am never motivated to do (or not do) something based on guilt or shame. I change my behavior because I decided to change. The end. It has nothing to do with how badly I feel. It has nothing to do with guilt trips and shameful feelings. I only thought it did. I thought I needed to feel guilty or ashamed in order to change. 
Last week I realized I kept doing the things I was ashamed of, or felt guilty about, until I said, “Hey you know, I don’t like this so I want to stop.” And then I did. Guilt and shame had nothing to do with it. They acted as cloud cover, because ultimately I stopped when I decided I wanted to do things differently.  
This is me saying I don’t need guilt and shame to act as my motivators. I don’t need guilt and shame to tell me when or how to do something. I don’t need guilt and shame to dictate my behavior. You know why? Because I have a better motivator.
My new motivation is love. I do things now because I feel inspired to do so. I change my behavior because I want to feel good. I help other people because I love them, not because I feel guilty if I don’t. I take care of myself and my body because I love it and therefore want to treat it with love. I let go of negative thoughts and behaviors because I want to feel happy and at peace. I change my behavior because I’d rather feel love. Love is my motivation.
I dream of a world where people let go of their feelings of guilt and shame. A world where people do things because they are inspired to do so. A world where people are motivated by love and feeling good. A world where people realize the point of change always starts in their own minds. A world where people use love as their primary motivator.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Shame, Shame, Shame

By Rebekah / August 6, 2010

Does anyone else think of that kid’s song when they hear, “Shame, shame, shame?” Maybe it’s just me. Anyway, right. Shame. It’s my issue du jour this week. There’s a whole lot of, “Oh my god I can’t believe I did that,” and “What would people think if they found out?!?”

Ding, ding, ding! What would people think if they found out? Since I’m on an Abraham Hicks kick lately, I came across this YouTube video where she talks about embarrassment:

To paraphrase: embarrassment is seeing yourself through the eyes of someone else. It’s seeing yourself as something other than how Source sees you. Because if you saw yourself the way Source sees you it would only be with love.
I think shame is a bit deeper than embarrassment. Embarrassment involves an audience, shame is in isolation. Shame for me is thinking, “It would be so embarrassing if anyone knew I did this.” Shame is judging myself, but more specifically, judging how I think others will respond to my actions. Did you catch that?
In December I wrote about how I lost my temper as a child and pounded my brother’s head into the grass. I felt shame because, “Other people must think I’m horrible! They must love me a little less because I’m not perfect!” Well no, actually. My brother didn’t even remember the incident. And people loved me anyway. The truth is, there is nothing I can do that will make God stop loving me. My higher power only ever sees me as love in human form no matter what I do. The love Source has for me will never go away even if I do 10 million “shameful” things. Even if I rob a bank. Even if I eat 10 cookies. Even if I beat my brother up. That’s what unconditional love is.
When I feel shame, I look upon myself with judgment. I stop seeing myself as a divine being navigating the world, making choices, and instead see myself in black and white. I start thinking there is a “right” way and a “wrong” way, when in actuality there is only a “way.”
Nonetheless, shame is an indicator I’m moving away from Source energy, either by trying to exert my self-will and not succeeding, thus causing shameful feelings, or because I’m not seeing my true essence. Sometimes both. With unconditional love though, you can do no wrong. I think that’s what I’m here for, to learn to love myself unconditionally.
I dream of a world where all love ourselves unconditionally. A world where we see ourselves through the eyes of Source. Where we see ourselves as love incarnate. I dream of a world where we remain neutral observers of our actions remembering love is all there is.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.   

Life Supports Us

By Rebekah / July 30, 2010

Right now I’m feeling really contracted about money. I’m feeling contracted about money because I spent more this month than I usually do. And so with the help of Mint.com I created a budget spending plan. But my knee-jerk reaction is, “Oh my god! I’m spending too much! The answer is to move out of my apartment!” Now, anyone will tell you I LOVE my apartment. My apartment always goes on my gratitude list because not only do I love the apartment, I love the location and I love my community in my apartment building. Heck, I know all the neighbors on my floor by sight. And not only that, I am friends with the people across the hall. I feel so blessed to be here. So why am I feeling the urge to move?

Fear.
I’m feeling afraid I won’t have enough money even though I’m still working the same job and I’ve been paying my rent and all my other expenses just fine for the past 22 months. I’m also feeling the weight of “responsibility” and “shoulds” raining down on my head:
“You’re being irresponsible! You’re paying too much for rent! You should find something cheaper!”
I’ve worked myself into a fine little frenzy. Here’s what’s really beautiful about all this though. Right in the middle of this freakout I found $3. Literally, right in the middle of it. I opened up my wallet to the section where I keep business cards, and thus don’t look at often, and there was $3 just sitting there. It was as if God/the Universe were saying to me, “Don’t worry baby. The money will always come when you need it.” And that’s what I want to talk about.
I have seen over and over again when I need the money it comes. I get a check from the government. My former company reconfigures how they classify their employees and I get backpay. Someone calls me up to housesit and get paid for it. I don’t ever need to react from fear. I don’t ever need to “figure it out,” on my own. I don’t ever need to control a situation. I am working with the Universe. It’s not, “You need to find a solution,” it’s, “Let’s work together on finding a solution.” I’m not in this alone. The Universe loves and supports me.
The Universe supports me even when I think I’m not supported. The Universe is infinite and so there are countless solutions to every problem. If I say I want to increase my abundance that doesn’t mean I have to take charge and slash my biggest expense. It’s better for me to see what opportunities present themselves and it’s not in my best interest to try to wrest control my higher power. The best thing I can do is turn this over, surrender it, and see what happens, knowing life supports me now and always.
I dream of a world where we all recognize we are supported by the Universe. A world where we allow ourselves to feel that support. A world where we let go and let God, taking inspired action along the way. A world where we recognize we co-create our lives with a power greater than ourselves, a power that will and does stick with us always.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.    

Life Is A Play (literally)

By Rebekah / July 23, 2010

This week Shakespeare’s quote, “All the world’s a stage/And all the men and women merely players,” finally made sense to me. I really got my whole life is one big drama. In Sanskrit there’s a word liila, which means “the divine play” and it’s used in conjunction with God. As in, “My whole life is God’s liila or divine play.”

Here’s the thing. I used to behave as if not only was I an actor in this play called Life, but also the director, stage manager and producer. I thought I was everything. I thought I was all those roles. I thought I was in charge of who my romantic lead was, how long the show would run, and how much money I could make, but I’m not.
It used to bother me thinking I was the Universe’s plaything, like a rag doll that gets tossed about. I didn’t want to be just an actor. I wanted to be in charge. I wanted to be autonomous and make things happen. Here’s the funny, paradoxical truth though. The more I’ve come to embrace my life as just an actor, the more I’ve relinquished control essentially, the more the play runs smoothly. The more I end up getting what I want. It may not be when I want or how I thought it would turn out, but it happens anyway. People are probably tired of hearing this, but it took me a full year to get my current job and it’s better than what I anticipated. I’m getting paid $8,000 more than I would have asked for. When I tried to be the director during that process of applying for jobs all I accomplished was feeling frustrated and upset.
Here’s the other funny, paradoxical truth. I feel more at peace, more calm, more serene when I do my part as an actor. When I take inspired action and leave the rest up to my higher power. When I say, “God, I want this but I’m letting you take the reins.” I am a former control freak admitting it feels good when I let my higher power be in charge. I’m confessing I feel a sense of relief, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Because I get to live in lala land and dance through meadows while someone else worries about the details. All that’s required of me is to show up and say my lines.
Since the Universe didn’t hand me a script for my life, I have to rely on my intuition to guide me. And as Abraham Hicks would say, move toward what makes you feel good. Or at least what makes you feel better; that’s when you know you’re heading in the right direction.
All of this is a long-winded way of saying I thought I was in control of my life but I’m not. Like an actor, I get to make suggestions to the director, but ultimately someone else is calling the shots. And you know? I’m ok with that because my higher power usually wants more for me than I want for myself.
I dream of a world where we all show up and play our parts. A world where we revel in our roles and let intuition be our guide. A world where we relinquish control to the Universe knowing everything is taken care of. A world where we let the Universe be the director.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.