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Life Supports Us

By Rebekah / July 30, 2010

Right now I’m feeling really contracted about money. I’m feeling contracted about money because I spent more this month than I usually do. And so with the help of Mint.com I created a budget spending plan. But my knee-jerk reaction is, “Oh my god! I’m spending too much! The answer is to move out of my apartment!” Now, anyone will tell you I LOVE my apartment. My apartment always goes on my gratitude list because not only do I love the apartment, I love the location and I love my community in my apartment building. Heck, I know all the neighbors on my floor by sight. And not only that, I am friends with the people across the hall. I feel so blessed to be here. So why am I feeling the urge to move?

Fear.
I’m feeling afraid I won’t have enough money even though I’m still working the same job and I’ve been paying my rent and all my other expenses just fine for the past 22 months. I’m also feeling the weight of “responsibility” and “shoulds” raining down on my head:
“You’re being irresponsible! You’re paying too much for rent! You should find something cheaper!”
I’ve worked myself into a fine little frenzy. Here’s what’s really beautiful about all this though. Right in the middle of this freakout I found $3. Literally, right in the middle of it. I opened up my wallet to the section where I keep business cards, and thus don’t look at often, and there was $3 just sitting there. It was as if God/the Universe were saying to me, “Don’t worry baby. The money will always come when you need it.” And that’s what I want to talk about.
I have seen over and over again when I need the money it comes. I get a check from the government. My former company reconfigures how they classify their employees and I get backpay. Someone calls me up to housesit and get paid for it. I don’t ever need to react from fear. I don’t ever need to “figure it out,” on my own. I don’t ever need to control a situation. I am working with the Universe. It’s not, “You need to find a solution,” it’s, “Let’s work together on finding a solution.” I’m not in this alone. The Universe loves and supports me.
The Universe supports me even when I think I’m not supported. The Universe is infinite and so there are countless solutions to every problem. If I say I want to increase my abundance that doesn’t mean I have to take charge and slash my biggest expense. It’s better for me to see what opportunities present themselves and it’s not in my best interest to try to wrest control my higher power. The best thing I can do is turn this over, surrender it, and see what happens, knowing life supports me now and always.
I dream of a world where we all recognize we are supported by the Universe. A world where we allow ourselves to feel that support. A world where we let go and let God, taking inspired action along the way. A world where we recognize we co-create our lives with a power greater than ourselves, a power that will and does stick with us always.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.    

Life Is A Play (literally)

By Rebekah / July 23, 2010

This week Shakespeare’s quote, “All the world’s a stage/And all the men and women merely players,” finally made sense to me. I really got my whole life is one big drama. In Sanskrit there’s a word liila, which means “the divine play” and it’s used in conjunction with God. As in, “My whole life is God’s liila or divine play.”

Here’s the thing. I used to behave as if not only was I an actor in this play called Life, but also the director, stage manager and producer. I thought I was everything. I thought I was all those roles. I thought I was in charge of who my romantic lead was, how long the show would run, and how much money I could make, but I’m not.
It used to bother me thinking I was the Universe’s plaything, like a rag doll that gets tossed about. I didn’t want to be just an actor. I wanted to be in charge. I wanted to be autonomous and make things happen. Here’s the funny, paradoxical truth though. The more I’ve come to embrace my life as just an actor, the more I’ve relinquished control essentially, the more the play runs smoothly. The more I end up getting what I want. It may not be when I want or how I thought it would turn out, but it happens anyway. People are probably tired of hearing this, but it took me a full year to get my current job and it’s better than what I anticipated. I’m getting paid $8,000 more than I would have asked for. When I tried to be the director during that process of applying for jobs all I accomplished was feeling frustrated and upset.
Here’s the other funny, paradoxical truth. I feel more at peace, more calm, more serene when I do my part as an actor. When I take inspired action and leave the rest up to my higher power. When I say, “God, I want this but I’m letting you take the reins.” I am a former control freak admitting it feels good when I let my higher power be in charge. I’m confessing I feel a sense of relief, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Because I get to live in lala land and dance through meadows while someone else worries about the details. All that’s required of me is to show up and say my lines.
Since the Universe didn’t hand me a script for my life, I have to rely on my intuition to guide me. And as Abraham Hicks would say, move toward what makes you feel good. Or at least what makes you feel better; that’s when you know you’re heading in the right direction.
All of this is a long-winded way of saying I thought I was in control of my life but I’m not. Like an actor, I get to make suggestions to the director, but ultimately someone else is calling the shots. And you know? I’m ok with that because my higher power usually wants more for me than I want for myself.
I dream of a world where we all show up and play our parts. A world where we revel in our roles and let intuition be our guide. A world where we relinquish control to the Universe knowing everything is taken care of. A world where we let the Universe be the director.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.   

Unconditional Happiness

By Rebekah / July 16, 2010

It’s funny that I would title this post “unconditional happiness” when for the past few days I’ve been an emotional wreck – I flipped out on my best friend, cried to my mom, and have been feeling otherwise all over the map. I am by no means an authority on happiness (does such a person exist?) but I do know some things to be true for me.

After my raw post from last week certain things came to light. I’ve written before about not living my life on a layaway plan, not projecting my future happiness on winning a gold medal or whatever, but I did just that. I thought I needed to get exactly what I wanted before I could be happy. I couched it (subconsciously) as, “As soon as I get X, then I’ll be happy. Then I’ll feel at peace.” My breakdown last week reminded me of the fallacy of placing the cause of my happiness on anyone or anything other than myself. I was reminded that I do not have to wait for happiness. I don’t have to put it off. I can choose to be happy right here and right now.
How does a person even do that? How do they shift their feelings and feel whole and complete with what’s in front of them?
In a conversation with my best friend he asked me, “What is the purpose of your life?” and I responded, “Liberation.” And then he said, “What is the purpose of this life?” and I said, “To experience bliss.”
“What is the definition of bliss?” he said.
“I don’t know. How can you define bliss? It’s an emotion. It’s a state of joy.”
“And what’s joy?”
“Why are you asking me that? How am I supposed to describe joy?” (He and I have a very cantankerous relationship at times.)
“Just try.”
“It means to experience happiness.”
“What’s happiness?”
“To experience contentment.”
“And how do you experience contentment?”
“By being appreciative and grateful for what you have.”
Ah. Ding. Happiness starts with contentment. And even though right now my nickname could be senorita crazy pants, I recognize if I wanted I could change that. I recognize my mom will not make me feel better. I recognize publishing my book will not make me feel better. I recognize all the reasons, all the lists of things and events and situations I think I need to feel a certain way can be completely disregarded. I can throw those suckers in the trash not because they aren’t worthwhile or they won’t come true, but because I don’t need them to happen to feel better. And for that I’m grateful. Maybe I’ll get to experience bliss after all.
I dream of a world where we all experience untold bliss. A world where we live in unconditional happiness. A world where we live in love and peace and joy. A world where we recognize we decide how we feel. A world where love is bountiful and plenty and bliss floats like clouds in the sky.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.  

The Only Place Left To Go Is Up

By Rebekah / July 9, 2010
I am sad and angry and pissed off. Mostly I feel cheated and lied to. I feel cheated and lied to because people have said, “Just do x, y, and z and then you’ll get what you want.” So then for years and years and years I worked on doing x, y, and z and now? I still don’t have what I want. I feel like a whiny baby for even talking about this but I think there’s an important lesson to all of it: other people are not privy to the details of my path. They just aren’t.
Other people don’t know. They know what works for them, what they did, but they don’t know what will work for me. No one can say to me, “Rebekah just do this,” because you know what? I did. I did all of it. Every single last thing. And now that I look around, now that I’m at the edge of the cliff what I want still isn’t in front of me. And I’m sad and upset and frustrated because, “You promised! You said if I did x, y, and z I would get what I wanted! But I haven’t!” And also there’s nothing left to try. Crap. Now what?
Bye bye control, that’s for sure. Bye bye micromanaging and thinking I can control the outcomes of my life. Bye bye thinking other people can tell me what to do. Bye bye all illusions. Hello higher power/God/Brahma/Parama Parusa, it’s just you and me now. I know you’ve been waiting on me for a while but I had to try it my way first. I didn’t believe you could or would handle things. I thought I had to take care of it myself. Now I know differently. There ain’t nothing left to do but give it to you. So here you go. You take care of things for a while. Me trying to control the outcomes of my life only drives me nuts.
And while you’re taking care of things for me I’ll walk over into gratitude and appreciation because I want to feel good. I want to enjoy what I have. I want to live in joy and love and happiness. I want to remember the good things in my world and all that I have, knowing everything else will take care of itself. This is me showing up and turning it over. I don’t know that anyone else will even benefit from reading this except maybe it will inspire you to let your higher power handle it too. Whatever “it” is.
I dream of a world where we remember we are all on our own paths. A world where we recognize other people only know what’s best for them. A world where we trust in a power greater than ourselves and let the future take care of itself. A world where we instead live in the moment, joyous and free, taking things as they come one day at a time.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Walk Into The Light

By Rebekah / June 25, 2010

This week I walked into a maelstrom. I made a decision about the upcoming retreat I’m helping to organize and the response has been wide-ranging. Some people have told me I’m completely out of line. That I’m young, naïve, being manipulated, and essentially a spiteful brat. On the other end of the spectrum, people have said they applaud my decision, they respect my stance, and agree with me whole-heartedly.

It would be very easy for me to respond to the negative messages with negative messages in kind. It would be very easy for me to pull a power trip and lash out at those who disagree with me. To respond to them the same way they’re responding to me.

I choose not.

I choose not because I would rather walk toward love, toward light, toward God. I’d rather continue to spiral up and move closer and closer to source energy. Every time I respond to people from a place of fear, or anger, or resentment I turn a little bit further away from the Divine. So instead, I respond to those who call me names with love. I say to them, “Thanks for your concern about my welfare. Thank you for voicing your opinion.” I let them rage on, and on, and on while I continue to walk into the light. I strive ahead with my goal in mind, never losing sight of what I’m hoping to accomplish. I hold onto my vision for this retreat – a place where people can access the divine within as well as without. A place where people spend a solid week turning inward and expanding their feelings of love for all of creation. If people want to join me they are more than welcome.

Lucky for me (and everyone) Brad Yates did an EFT video about embracing the light:

I dream of a world where we all consistently choose love. A world where we rise above the responses of our ego-selves and let love pour through. A world where we walk toward the light, embrace the light, become the light. A world where we move up, up, up, letting our best selves shine through.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

What We Want Already Exists — We’re Just Playing Catch Up

By Rebekah / June 18, 2010

I’m just going to be honest. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling sad and frustrated. I’ve been in the space of, “Where is blah di blah? Why isn’t it here yet? Why don’t I have it yet?” Then I want to slip into my fearful controlling place to “make” it happen. But that doesn’t work for me. It never has.

I think about when I was a freshman in college at UNC – 17 years old, depressed, feeling out of place, out of the house before I was ready, desperate for friends. Desperate. My brother is a social butterfly and he encouraged me to, “Just go up to people! Say hi! Make friends!” It didn’t work. It really didn’t work. I spent months going up to random people in the dining hall asking if I could sit with them. I had the same conversations over and over again: “Where are you from? What are you studying?” It was horrible. Really, really horrible. I walked around in a state of frenzy and desperation essentially asking, “Are you my friend? Are you my friend?” The answer was invariably, “No.”
I give kudos to my past self for being so brave and courageous. I put myself out there over and over again to basically get shot down repeatedly. I would meet someone, it would be awkward, we wouldn’t talk again. You know what finally happened? I relaxed. I let myself go with the flow and wouldn’t you know it? Friends! I relaxed into it and because I unclenched my energetic fist, I allowed the energy to flow, to move, and then of course it happened. I’m recognizing there is a cosmic flow to life and I am an energetic being. I recognize I get whatever I put out. If I think it’s hard to find friends it will be. If I think people don’t like me, they won’t. It reminds me of that saying, “When you smile the whole world smiles with you,” (which apparently is also a song!).
Have you ever noticed when you’re feeling great, like today will be a great day, often everything goes your way? But when you feel icky it’s just the opposite? I think it’s the same with feeling lack or lamenting what I want isn’t here yet. If I keep being reminded it isn’t here yet that’s the energy I’m putting out and then of course it won’t be here.
Really the best way I can explain what I’m feeling is to show this YouTube video of a talk by Abraham Hicks:

I love that. Everything I want has already been created and I just have to allow myself to be drawn in. Not make myself go there but allow it. Just like I did with friends. Allow it to happen naturally. Allow myself to rendezvous with people I am drawn to instead of forcing myself to go up to those I am not on the off chance we could be best friends.
Everything I want has already been created and the only thing keeping me from it is me. My fear, my lack of worthiness, my belief it can’t happen. But you know? I am a divine child of God so I deserve to rejoice in life and I deserve all the good things coming my way. Not because I won a Nobel Prize or cured cancer but because I am love incarnate. Because I am the blessed daughter of Parama Parusa/Cosmic Consciousness/Brahma/the Supreme/God/Infinite Love. So why not? Why can’t I have everything I want? You know what? I can.
I allow myself to have everything I want knowing it’s already been created. I know I deserve to rejoice in life, I deserve all the pleasures life has to offer. I know I am worthy and deserving of love and respect and abundance. So I say, “Yes please, thank you.”

I dream of a world where we all allow ourselves to get what it is we want. A world where we know all our needs and desires will be fulfilled with time. A world where we understand life is about flow and movement and that means letting ourselves be carried. A world where we let ourselves dream big and know those dreams will come true if we let them.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Staying Positive

By Rebekah / June 10, 2010

When I first started writing this blog many moons ago my friend Heather told me, “Rebekah, in order to birth another world is probable you have to believe it.” She reminded me to stay positive, to stay uplifted and inspired. I feel like this week has been a real test of that.

As you know, I’m helping to organize a retreat taking place at the end of this month. We’ve had conference call after conference call. Discussion after discussion. Headache after headache. I’ve felt myself spiraling into negative, pessimistic territory. Thinking about what Heather said, and what I’ve learned from Louise Hay and Marianne Williamson about what we focus on grows, I sent out this e-mail to the committee:

I just wanted to say I know it’s really easy to focus on the negative and all the headaches and drama when it comes to organizing something this massive and intricate. At such times I think it’s important to be reminded why we are doing this in the first place. Why we said, “Yes! Sign me up!” I want us to focus on our end goal and not get caught up in the nitty gritty along the way.

I won’t speak for everyone but I will say for myself I’m doing this because I love God. I agreed to organize this retreat because I truly believe in the power of our ideology and our practices. I agreed to organize this retreat because I want people to know the divine source within. I’m doing this because I want to help people on their path to enlightenment in any way I can.

It is my deepest wish people will walk away from this retreat feeling the divine love that permeates all of our creation. It is my deepest wish people will go home feeling inspired, uplifted, overjoyed. Retreats? Retreats are a time to focus on spirituality, to deepen our meditation and have the most pressing concern be making it to programs on time.

What we focus on grows. I want my inspiration and love to grow. What about you?

I mean all that. I want to keep myself in a high spot while also dealing with reality. I want to keep my sights set on what I want as opposed to getting caught up in what I don’t or obnoxious details. I want to stay positive and inspired and uplifted. I want to remember my thoughts have an effect and I want to choose beneficial ones. Ones that will move me closer to my dreams.
I dream of a world where we continually align ourselves with what is good, what is positive. I dream of a world where we are undeterred by the obstacles that arise in our path and instead keep tilting our faces up to the sun, moving ahead with joy and ease. I dream of a world where we take things as they come while also remembering our end game.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Future Tripping

By Rebekah / June 4, 2010

It’s been a while since I’ve written about future tripping. To me future tripping is planning out the future. Playing the, “If this happens I’ll do this,” game. Constructing a whole sequence of events before they even occur. I’ve been doing that this week because I’m planning a big retreat taking place at the end of this month. (P.S. You can check out the link here.) I’m thinking about, “Who will be the lunch in charge? Who will take care of the kids? What happens if so and so turns up? What happens if so and so doesn’t turn up?” There are sooo many things I’m contemplating and so many outcomes it’s making my head spin.

I also think about how futile the whole thing is. Months ago my friend L’s sister was in town and they invited me to go out to dinner with them. Because of the timing and the location of the restaurant it didn’t make sense for me to go home first. So I started doing allllll this planning. Contemplating where I would go after work. What I would do with myself. If I would try to read a book or whether I would do falun dafa. If I would wander around Chinatown. Where would I meditate. What would happen if I meditated at a temple and then walked around. How was I going to spend my time? So many things! So many possibilities! And you know what happened? The night we planned to go out to eat L’s sister got sick and they canceled. They canceled! I spent all that time thinking about what I would do and then none of it took place! All of my worrying was completely unfounded.

It was a nice reminder for me to live in the moment and stay present. It was a nice reminder I’d rather deal with things as they come instead of counting my chickens before they hatch. Because the truth of the matter is I have no idea what’s up ahead. I have no idea what tomorrow brings or even what the next 10 minutes brings. And since I’ve redefined my concept of a higher power, I know that no matter what’s ahead it’s for my good. So why worry? Why plan my whole life in advance?

Some things, like this retreat, require planning. Otherwise we might be sitting around twiddling our thumbs, but honestly, I don’t have to plan everything. I don’t have to think about, “Well what if this happens? Or that happens?” If it happens it does and I’ll deal with it then. Be prepared, yes, but not obsessive. I think that’s the difference.

In the case of going out to dinner with L and her sister, bring a book but also see how I feel at the time. Prepare but allow for all possibilities. I want to allow myself to still deal with situations as they come up and not hold onto what I think will happen like a dog chewing a bone. There’s no need to constantly replay situations in my head like a CD stuck on repeat.

I dream of a world where we allow ourselves to stay present. A world where we take things as they come one day at a time. A world where we release our fear of the future and instead live in the moment. A world where we know what’s ahead is for our own self-realization and growth and so we can sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Being At Peace Where You Are

By Rebekah / May 28, 2010

You may have noticed from reading this blog I’m all about the self-realization. The growth. The change. You may also have noticed I want to get there as quickly as possible. If I’m feeling bad I want to feel good. If I’m feeling crazy I want to feel sane. If I’m feeling scared I want to feel safe. And I want it all to happen immediately. The sooner the better, thanks.

For the past few weeks I’ve been writing about my higher power, redefining my concept as well as my relationship. The whole thing pivots on trust. I’m learning I can trust my higher power and I can put my faith in a power greater than myself. What’s funny is prior to a few weeks ago, I thought I was already doing that! I really thought I trusted my higher power implicitly but I obviously didn’t, otherwise I wouldn’t have lived with so much fear. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been so afraid of the future or what could happen to me.

I think about trust walks. How one person is blindfolded while the other leads him or her around. I think about when I used to do them at group gatherings. I slapped a blindfold on and had no trouble walking at a steady pace because I knew the person pulling my arm would tell me if I were going to run into a tree stump. I knew they wouldn’t let me trip and fall. Because I trusted them. That’s the kind of relationship I’d like to have with my higher power. Unending trust. Complete faith. Total confidence. But right now? I don’t.

I don’t and that’s ok. This week I’ve been sobbing on the phone to my parents and close friends about how I want to trust my higher power implicitly and “OMG why don’t I?? Why don’t I have that relationship yet?!? I want it right now!” I’ve felt upset because I don’t have the relationship I want just yet. (Oh look! It’s the virtue I’ve been trying to learn my whole life: patience!) I’ve felt upset because it seems like now that I know my higher power loves me unconditionally, only wants what’s best for me, wants me to experience joy, I “should” trust it. I “should” feel complete and utter faith. That’s where the title of this post comes in.

I’ve been trying to force myself to be somewhere I’m not and it only causes me pain and frustration. It only causes me to cry and wail. And that’s not working for me so I’m allowing myself to be where I am. To feel what I feel and know it’s all ok. Louise Hay has an affirmation that says, “I am at peace where I am. I accept my good knowing all my needs and desires will be fulfilled.” Yeah. I’m at peace where I am. Knowing my relationship with my higher power will evolve. Knowing in the infinity of life where I am all is perfect, whole and complete. Knowing growth happens at a right and proper pace. Knowing it’s still growth, it’s still progress even if it’s not as fast as I want it to be. I know I’ll get to where I want to be, it just takes a while.

I dream of a world where we all feel at peace where we are. Where we move steady on the path of self-realization but also accept the spot we’re in. A world where we know we’ll get to where we’re going in time and there’s no rush. A world where we allow ourselves to go through the process with ease and grace. A world where we let ourselves be where we are and love the place where’re in. A world where we feel at peace.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Accepting The Good

By Rebekah / May 21, 2010

I had a conversation with a friend about this on Monday and it seems to be coming up for me as well so I figured it was worth a blogpost. My friend is looking for a place to live and she stumbled across a housing situation that seems like everything she’s been praying for. She said she’s scared to take it though because what if she loves it tremendously and then all of a sudden the whole thing falls apart? What if she experiences happiness unlike any she’s known and then her higher power decides to take it all away? I have that fear too.

I was all set to write a post about how it’s hard for me to accept the good things that come into my life. How it’s hard for me to say, “Ok God, I trust you.” How I’m scared to be in a relationship because what happens if it doesn’t work out? How will I bear that pain? But in even thinking about writing a post like that I felt a switch in my thinking. You know why? Because I deserve to rejoice in life and I accept all the pleasures life has to offer. Also my higher power is not out to get me or to punish me. My higher power wouldn’t say, “Here you go Rebekah. Here are all your dreams come to life,” and then turn around and take it all away from me to be mean. How does that serve anybody?

I realize everything that happens to me, everything is for my good. Is for my own growth and development. Every situation is to strip away all the layers of my ego, all the things that keep me locked in a place of separation from God. That means if my higher power were to take away a housing situation or a boyfriend or whatever, it’s for a damn good reason. It means there is some lesson that will take me to a higher, grander, more beautiful place. It means there is some lesson that will spur me on my path to enlightenment. There is nothing in my life that’s here to cause me undue suffering. There is nothing in my life that’s here to keep me miserable. Nothing.

I think about all the “bad” things that have happened to me like getting a crappy internship in London or not getting the job I really wanted in San Francisco. Looking back I see the good that came out of those situations. My terrible London internship was the first time I realized I would never be happy working for just some random publication, getting up and going to work in the morning. My terrible London internship was also the key moment I realized I wanted to use my words for good, for more than just making money.

The job I wanted so desperately in SF? It turns out if I got that job I would have been laid off. That entire magazine folded so really it’s quite lucky I’m working where I am.

I guess that’s what this post is about. Really synthesizing my new definition of a higher power. You know why? Because my higher power loves me. My higher power knows what’s in my best interest better than I do. My higher power wants me to experience joy and happiness and that means accepting the good things too. That means saying yes to an awesome relationship or an awesome living situation or an awesome job. That means saying yes to life, being unafraid because my higher power doesn’t take away things to spite me.

This is me saying I accept my good. I accept the good things coming into my life. I accept all the pleasures life has to offer. I accept and trust and believe my dreams will come true. And I also know if they don’t, that just means my higher power has something even better in store for me.

I dream of a world where we all feel it is safe for us to accept the good things in life. A world where we trust everything that happens is for our own self-realization. A world where we know the good things will stay in our lives as long as they serve us. A world where we know ultimately our higher power only wants us to be happy and that means accepting the good things that come our way.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.