Right now I’m contemplating liberation and obstacles and the nature of the universe in part because it’s Passover. But even people who are not Jewish will relate to this post because we all experience hardships and wish for escape.
Passover continues to be a relevant holiday for me because it’s not just about celebrating the Jews’ liberation from the land of Egypt, it’s also about personal liberation. The Hebrew word for Egypt, “Mitzrayim,” also means narrow spaces. That means the escape from Egypt was also an escape from a narrow space, a constricting spot, something I, too, have escaped from.
I love this picture as a symbol of things being all good.
When I think of narrow spaces, constricting spots, I think of obstacles. I associate obstacles with suffering, with pain, and with punishment. I don’t know where this came from, maybe growing up in the U.S. where there’s a lot of talk of hellfire and brimstone, but whenever I experience an obstacle, I think it’s because there’s a vengeful God out to get me who wants me to suffer, who wants to punish me. Or the terrible things that happen to me are as a result of previous actions, possibly from a past life, but also serve as a punishment. I see a watered-down version of this reflected in the New Age community too where the “bad” things that happen to people are a punishment of sorts for their “bad” thoughts.
The bottom line is lots of punishment. Lots of black and white thinking. Lots of cause and effect, but in a judgmental way. However, I came across a few discourses and attended a lecture with a friend this week that reminded me obstacles are not punishments. They don’t come about because God wants to punish us for our misdeeds. They come about for other reasons, which I may discuss at another time, but the main point for this post is God loves us tremendously and only wants to see us emancipated. The world is ultimately a benevolent one and the divine is seeking to liberate us, will do whatever it can to aid that, something aptly demonstrated not only in the Passover story, but in my own personal experience.
For every terrible thing that’s happened to me, there has also been some grace, some assistance. One small example that comes to mind is a few years ago, my neighbor decided a Wednesday night would be a brilliant time to get drunk and high and talk loudly outside. I previously asked for that Thursday off so instead of fretting about not getting any sleep and being unable to function for work, I calmed down understanding I was taken care of, that it was all good.
The universe ultimately wants to see us succeed. There will be obstacles along the way, that’s inevitable, but we will also be given tools to overcome those obstacles. Eventually we will all escape from our own narrow spaces, but maybe not in the way we think.
I dream of a world where we remember we live in a loving universe where the divine wants to see us liberated. A world where we understand there will always be obstacles but we will also experience grace. A world where we understand ultimately, it’s all good.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
It’s been a rough week for my health condition. What that means is this week I’ve been more bothered by noise and other stimuli. I’ve found myself fantasizing about going somewhere else. Some place quiet, removed from people, and idyllic in every way. However, as I’ve learned over and over again, such a place does not exist. Every time I go somewhere I think will be quiet and peaceful, during the period I’m there, unplanned construction takes place, or the refrigerator is exceedingly loud, or there’s a fluke something or other. In short, there is no escape.
When I ask myself what’s up with that, I realize what’s underneath my desire to go someplace different is I don’t want to engage. I don’t want to stand up for myself with a noisy neighbor, I don’t want to assert my boundaries, I don’t want any conflict. If I dig even further, really I want someone else to do those things for me. I want someone else to take care of me and my needs. I want someone else to be the hero, to stand up for me, to put rude people in their place, so I can continue being a soft gooey glob. It should be no surprise then that I surround myself with strong personalities.
We are what we seek.
My higher power though wants me to be a whole and complete person and doesn’t let me get away with that sort of thing. I’ve come to believe that all the trials I’ve been put through regarding boundaries have been so I can do those things for myself. I’ve come to believe my higher power wants me to become my own hero, to stand up for myself, and to put rude people in their place so I can continue being a soft gooey glob inside.
I’m crying as I type that because I know it to be true. I know I’ve been seeking other people to do the things that I must learn to do for myself. I’ve been looking externally when I could have been looking internally. This week it became clear to me, I am the person I seek. I’m not sure I can express the magnitude of that realization for me. To realize all the things I’ve wanted someone else to do for me, I can do for myself. It has been deeply empowering and also very sweet to realize I am the person I’ve been looking for.
There are two quotes from my spiritual teacher that come to mind as pertinent for this topic. The first is, “The sweetest part of God’s play is that He is hidden in everyone and everyone is searching for Him.” The second is, “One who looks for Shiva in the external world, ignoring the Shiva of the internal world, is like one who throws away the rice that is in one’s hand and wanders from door to door in search of one’s livelihood.”
I have been the person throwing away the rice in my hand and then asking why I’m hungry. I’ve been hungry because I’ve been disowning parts of myself, important parts that are crucial for my existence. And interestingly, the universe will keep putting me in situations that require me to become what I’m looking for until I understand the lesson. Just like I don’t have to go to India to find God, I don’t have to go to someone else to find many of the things I seek because they already exist inside of me.
I dream of a world where we realize we are what we seek. A world where we turn internally first to find what we’re looking for. A world where we understand the universe is working in tandem with us to ensure we become the best version of ourselves.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve been struggling a lot this week with “not enough” syndrome. I don’t feel like I’m doing enough in the world, that I’m not helping others according to my capacity, and furthermore, what work I am doing, I pooh pooh as insignificant.
As you know, my skill and talent is writing, but when I look around at me at all the work that needs to be done in the world, it feels like being a writer is useless. I’m not a policymaker or a politician or a doctor. I’m not doing anything concrete to end poverty, for instance, and I hate it.
I spoke with a friend about all this and he reminded me the gifts I’ve been given are gifts. I have them for a reason and it’s important to use what I have. So no, I’m not a doctor or a politician or social worker, and that’s OK. We all have a part to play to contribute to the whole.
Some people are squirrels and some people are monkeys: both are OK.
I’m reminded of the Indian epic the Rámáyańa, but there are stories like it all over sacred texts. During construction of a bridge, the big monkeys carried large stones while the small squirrels brought only tiny grains of sand. My spiritual teacher says, “Is there any difference between the carrying of tiny grains of sand by the squirrels on the one hand and the carrying of a whole mountain by [the God] Hanumán on the other? Both are equally valuable. You may be a small entity like a squirrel, but your existence is in no way insignificant.”
I think I need to tattoo that to my face. I get so caught up in the comparison game, often called “compare and despair” by my recovery friends. I compare myself to what other people are doing and always come up short. I am the squirrel looking at the monkeys saying, “Look at the big rocks they’re carrying! Ugh. I wish I could carry big rocks.” I’m not honoring my contribution of small grains of sand and that’s what’s important – not how large my contribution is, but whether I’m contributing at all. It’s so hard for me to say that because, as I said earlier, I suffer from “not enough syndrome.” I feel like I could be contributing more, and maybe that’s true, but in the moment, my capacity is not all that large. My health isn’t amazing, so no, I can’t do as much as I could before, but maybe that’s OK.
What I’m getting at here, what I’m trying to convince myself of really, is that the important thing is I’m doing something at all. Am I working to my capacity? If so, then I can let myself off the hook for not carrying the big rocks. Because again, a squirrel is just as important as a monkey in the construction of a bridge.
I dream of a world where we work according to our capacity. A world where we understand it’s not important whether we’re contributing a little bit or a large bit, what matters is that we’re contributing at all.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I have a confession to make: I want everything to be easy. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this. I think we all want a life of ease and comfort, but I had a conversation recently that irrevocably shifted my perspective.
My dear friend Amal is super into astrology. I don’t mean the “Now is a good time to ask for a raise” kind of astrology that you find at the back of Cosmo magazine. I mean the highly accurate, “Here are the overarching themes and archetypes of your life,” kind of astrology. He recently gave me an impromptu reading (over text message no less!) that rocked my world. He told me if he were to characterize my life as a movie, it would be about a woman who wants to make it in the world, concretely, in her career or in a way that gets her recognition. And furthermore, because of other planetary placements, my career, vocation, and recognition in the world are also where I’ll feel the most blocked.
Our greatest struggle could become our greatest asset.
Ding, ding, ding. Right on the money. When he said that to me, I wanted to burrow under the covers because it was in that moment I realized this is going to be a life-long struggle. As I wrote about in my last post, succeeding in my career will not be as easy as tuning into a 90-minute webinar, as much as I’d like to believe it would. That’s not the movie I’m in. Cue the gun emoji.
He said to me, “Listen, your challenges are what set you up for your greatest potential. If you look at the chart of a famous or accomplished person, it’s not their ‘easy’ or ‘harmonious’ aspects that they express so powerfully. The easy stuff comes automatically; you get lazy about it. No, you look to the hard aspects, the challenges. The challenges are the blueprints of your greatest possible destiny.”
He then proceeded to give me several examples of people with hard aspects who have done something incredible, such as Pope Francis, William Blake, and Bach. It was then I realized my struggles, the places where I suffer, are where power and metamorphosis rest.
My spiritual teacher wrote a letter to his followers and one line of it, which I’m paraphrasing, is “Suffering will be your asset.” I used to think he meant suffering will be our asset because suffering is what builds character, or encourages people to turn to spirituality, or to make changes in the world – and all of that is true – but I’m also starting to think he meant suffering is what forces us, personally, to achieve greatness. It’s when we can work with the hard parts of our lives, when we integrate the things we disown, that we radically transform ourselves and the world.
I dream of a world where we use the hard parts of our lives, the places where we struggle and suffer, to spur us forward. A world where we turn those challenges into our assets. A world where we work with those energies to accomplish something truly great and long-lasting.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
On Tuesday, I woke up with a pain in my neck. On Wednesday, I went to my fantastic network spinal analysis chiropractor to help me with it. After asking me some questions about the pain, what came out of it is I feel like I can’t keep up with my progress. I can’t keep up with myself and all the things I’d like to do.
She walked me through a process of transformation, but what came out of it is she said there is a space between who I am and who I’d like to become. And in that space, I need to breathe in trust and creativity. I don’t need to know how to get where I’d like to go, I just need to trust I’ll get there and remember to be creative.
There is space between who we are and who we’d like to be. And in that space is trust and creativity.
Lordy was that ever what I needed to hear. After coming back from Denmark, I’ve felt listless and despondent because of the differences in our countries. People in Denmark are more chill, as far as I can tell. There isn’t as much of a “go, go, go” energy. Coming back to the Bay Area, the land of start-ups and entrepreneurs, I’ve felt overwhelmed by the hustle in the people I’ve seen around me. I have zero interest right now in making an inspirational meme every day, launching a webinar, or looking for ways to put myself out there more. And because I’ve had no motivation to advance my career, particularly after seeing how the Danes are happy without the intense hustle and bustle, I’ve started to wonder whether it’s OK for me to be where I am. To accept my life as it is, doing the things I’m doing. Can I be content with what I have?
My chiropractor reminded me it’s important to hold on to my dreams and at the same time to let go of the how. I have a tendency to think all the answers are outside of me. That this webinar or that book has the magic formula for me to follow to end up where I’d like to be. To become who I wish. But that’s not true. It’s sooooo not true.
In my yoga and meditation group, we have a mantra we sing after bathing. I won’t post the whole translation here, but the gist is that I am the divine, the divine is working through me, my actions are the divine, and the outcomes of my actions are the divine. In no part am I separate from that which has created everything. In no instance am I on my own.
I don’t have to have all the answers. I don’t have to even know the questions. The important thing for me is to keep trusting, to keep surrendering, and to keep remembering that my higher power is working through me. I am an actor in this great drama of life, but only an actor. And when needed, my higher power will feed me lines and tell me where to stand.
I dream of a world where we keep trusting, surrendering, and using our creativity. A world where we remember we are never alone or helpless because there is a powerful force working through us. A world where we trust that force is helping us to move from the people we are to the people we’d like to become.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Justice has been on my mind lately. Yesterday, I dressed up as a UPS delivery person in order to serve someone with a restraining order. The thing is, I don’t think the restraining order will do much. I mean, it will in that this woman will no longer be able to harass my friends, but it won’t in that her behavior will continue toward other people instead. There are other neighbors, other situations.
One of the problems I see with our justice system is it’s punitive in nature, not corrective. What are we doing to address the root cause of criminal activity? Merely locking someone away doesn’t do much. My spiritual teacher says a prison should be like a reform school, and the superintendent should be a teacher who is trained in psychology and who has genuine love for society.
Isn’t this picture perfect?
I’m not naive enough to believe we can live in a world without criminals, but I do think we can change how we deal with them and also work on prevention. When I was in Denmark, I walked through the train lugging all my stuff with me on the way to the bathroom and people looked at me funny. Later, I asked my friend about it, and she said they were amazed I carried my belongings with me because theft is not as common in Denmark. It does happen, just not to the same degree as it does in the U.S. That’s because people are paid better and there are more social safety nets. People aren’t as inclined to steal because they don’t have to. However, there are natural-born criminals, and for them, something still needs to be done.
My teacher asserts that born criminals commit their crimes due to their physical or psychic abnormalities and that capital punishment is akin to cutting off the head to get rid of a headache. He also says, “In my opinion, to take the life of a born criminal of this type is as much a crime as it would be to pass a death sentence on a patient just because we could not cure the person’s illness. It is the duty of a civilized society to arrange for born criminals to be cured of their ailments. Killing them to lighten the burden caused by their lives is certainly not indicative of a developed civilization.”
A possible solution then is to isolate criminals, yes, but while they’re in prison to have them work with psychologists, physicians, and sociologists to undergo deep transformation. Other options include re-education on what is right and wrong, and making prison a more pure environment so the prisoners aren’t tempted to go back to their old ways. Also, considerations must be made for the families of criminals to ensure the family isn’t forced to engage in crime themselves just to survive.
I know there are a lot of quotes and ideas mentioned in this post, but really what I’m getting at is our justice system needs to be more humane, more benevolent. Merely serving someone with a restraining order or throwing them behind bars doesn’t accomplish much. We are all people and deserved to be treated with love and respect. We all deserve a more just society and in part, that comes from changing how justice is served.
I dream of a world where our justice system is revamped. A world where prisons become corrective centers and prisoners are patients. A world where we abolish the death penalty and instead start engaging in solutions that will result in lasting change.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
This post comes to you from Denmark where I’m visiting a friend. What I’ve found so interesting is the landscape is similar to other places I’ve been. While taking the train, looking out the window, I was reminded of Middle America — except there were more windmills. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought I was passing through Iowa.
Then today at the beach, I looked around and the combination of the sand’s color, dunes, and water reminded me of the Outer Banks in North Carolina. I’m sure there are some places in Denmark that are completely unique to this region, but today at the beach, I was reminded things are more the same than they are different, and especially in these times, it’s important to keep looking at what binds us rather than what divides us.
I thought about including a windmill pic but how could I resist this photo?
In our world today, there are some people who are trying to create division. People who are trying to use one group or another as a scapegoat for the world’s problems. That to me is dangerous. When we start saying, “All of these people are like this,” or “Those people are like that,” we further enhance our separateness. It’s when we start creating an “us” and “them” mindset that it becomes easier to mistreat people. It’s easier to justify atrocious acts when a person becomes someone who is “not like me.”
My spiritual teacher says this kind of thinking makes different groups become more violent toward each other, which is extremely dangerous for human civilization.
Haven’t we had enough of that? I’m not naïve enough to think there will never be any conflicts in the world, but I think we start moving in a better direction when we realize, to paraphrase Shakespeare, that we all bleed when we are pricked. We all feel pain and joy. We all want to be happy and to realize our dreams.
My teacher also says, “The collectivity is not outside you – your future is inseparably connected with the collective fortune. You must take the entire collectivity with you and move towards the sweetest radiance of the new crimson dawn, beyond the veil of the darkest night.”
I think we move towards the sweetest radiance of the new crimson dawn when we realize we are more similar than we are different. Heck, not just us as people, but also the landscape, as I’ve discovered while I’ve been in Denmark. We are not that different, you and I.
I dream of a world where we remember we are more similar than we are different. A world where we focus on what unites us rather than divides us. A world where we remember people are people everywhere. A world where we work together to move toward the new crimson dawn.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
For better or for worse, I take responsibility for everything in my life. Poor? That’s my doing. Single? My fault. Sick? That’s on me. That’s the message we receive over and over in our society; that we’re the master of our fate and the captain of our soul. However, I’m reminded, again, that’s not entirely true.
One of my friends has been heartbroken over and over again. He mentioned it to a psychic and the psychic said my friend is repeatedly getting his heart broken because in a past life he was an abuser of women, and in this life, being on the receiving end of heartbreak is his retribution. The karma is being balanced, if you will. Furthermore, the psychic said my friend’s current beau was one of those abused women in a past life, which explains so much about their relationship dynamic. The beau is very timid around my friend, walking on eggshells, and learning how to reclaim her power in the relationship. The two were thrown together in this life because they have some unfinished business.
This? I’m not responsible for.
When my friend told me this story, I felt such relief because I’m reminded I am not to blame for everything in my life. That there are forces at work in my life and everyone else’s life that I haven’t thought about or even begun to understand. It’s like dominoes — one falling domino sets off a chain reaction, but the reaction may not manifest until down the road. Things I’ve done in past lives are still affecting me now. It’s a law of nature that for every action there will be a reaction, and knowing that I feel relief.
Maybe I’m single not because I choose the wrong men or am too picky or a leper, or any other reason I could come up with that points the finger at me. Maybe I’m single for reasons I haven’t even entertained, like things I did in a past life. Similarly, maybe I’m not a world-renowned inspirational speaker for the same reasons. Maybe all of it has absolutely nothing to do with me and instead I’m undergoing reactions for things I did in the distant past.
Instead of thinking of myself as the master of my fate, maybe it’s better to think of myself as a musician. Right now I’m like the first violinist who has her sheet music but is forgetting there are other musicians in the orchestra, and furthermore that there’s a conductor overseeing the whole piece. I like to think of myself as the conductor, but I’m not, I’m the violinist.
I am extremely tired so I don’t know if I’m getting my point across, but what I’m trying to say here is we aren’t in control of every aspect of our lives. We aren’t to blame for every crappy thing that happens to us, nor are we to blame for every good thing that happens to us. There is something else present, and that presence is God or higher power or whatever term you have for it. For better or for worse, we are not alone and we are not in charge.
I dream of a world where we remember higher power is present in all things and situations. A world where we realize we are not in control of everything nor are we to blame for everything. A world where we take ourselves off the hook and remember we are not the conductor of this orchestra, but rather we are the musicians.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I have to admit, right now I’m not feeling all that optimistic. There’s a lot of negativity in the news and it seems almost certain we’re going to hell in a hand-basket.
My spiritual teacher says, “There are some people who are pessimistic. They say that the society around us is very bleak, that it has no expression of vitality and that it seems that everyone is in a deep slumber. Pessimists say this because they have never made any detailed study of human history, nor do they care to. Had they done so, they would certainly be optimistic, because if they had looked carefully at the symptoms of pause, they would have realized that significant preparations were being made for the subsequent phase of speed. So under no circumstances should human beings be pessimistic. That is why I am always an incorrigible optimist, because I know that optimism is life.”
The future is bright.
Reading that makes me feel a little better. Maybe what we’re going through right now is not all that special or unique. Maybe this is merely history repeating itself, another phase in the human cycle. Also, I’m reminded there are some pretty amazing things happening in the world.
Did you hear about that Dutch teenager who is cleaning up the ocean? Or how about that $16 water pump in India that will provide clean water to a family for a year? Or how in Yemen they’re fighting a water shortage by harvesting fog?
It’s easy to get sucked into doom and gloom, to think the world is a terrible place, that nothing is improving, and nothing will ever change. I know this because I feel that way from time to time, which is why I have to remind myself over and over it’s not true. I just listed three news stories about how human beings are tackling real-world problems.
I’m an optimist not because I have my head in the sand and think nothing bad will ever happen again. I’m an optimist because I see that despite problems like pollution, dirty water, and a drought, people are doing something about it and will continue to do something about it. That there are solutions to all our problems. That no matter what is thrown at us, we will overcome it.
I’m going to quote my spiritual teacher again because I think he sums this up quite nicely. He says, “[H]uman beings should always be optimistic. The cimmerian darkness cannot retard your progress, cannot cover the light of the human heart. The spirit of your heart must move on and on against obstacles. Kick away your obstacles like pebbles from your feet – you are stronger than your obstacles.”
Amen to that. We are stronger than our obstacles. For every problem there is a solution and we will solve it. We are solving it, personally as well as globally. Our progress cannot be retarded and that’s a future I want to live in.
I dream of a world where we maintain our optimism. A world where we remember we are stronger than our obstacles. A world where we act on inspiration to make the world a better place. A world where we realize the future is bright.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
“People have a need for meaning and for belonging,” Dr. Gabor Maté writes. “But this society defines the value of a human being by how much they can either produce or consume. For all our talk about human values, we don’t really value humans for who they are. We value them for what they either give or purchase.”
I’ve been thinking about Maté’s quote a lot lately. In my post last week, “We Can Do Better than This,” I mentioned one of the plights of capitalism: homelessness. The underlying sentiment is if a person is poor, or mentally ill, or physically incapacitated, or old, they have no value. They can neither produce or consume anything so they are shunted off to the side where we don’t have to think about them. However, I would like to point out it’s not only certain segments of society who are harmed by the notion of what is valuable, it’s all of us.
On Tuesday, my dear friend Amal called me up and asked if I’d like to go to the Chapel of the Chimes, which is a crematory and columbarium. Afterward, we walked through the adjacent cemetery and watched the sunset. Seeing the sun set over the bay, I felt like crying because this, this, is what life is really about – not checking off my to-do list, not producing content, not building up my following on social media.
The sunset I mentioned. Photo credit Amal.
In our materialistic society, I absolutely define my value by what I’m producing and I know businesses define my value by how much I’m able to consume. That means if I don’t produce something every single day, my perceived self-worth diminishes. Heaven forbid I take a rest day! That’s also why my health condition, maladaptive stress syndrome, is so freaking challenging: I’m tired all the time. I need more rest than the average person, but that also means I can’t do as much as the average person. And because I can’t do as much, produce as much, my self-worth goes in the toilet.
I have to remind myself over and over what my life is really about, which is to achieve a divine union, and that’s not dependent on how much money is in my bank account or how many followers I have on instagram. Furthermore, my spiritual teacher says, “The Milky Way is vast from one end to the other; an ant is a very small creature, but the role of both of them in maintaining the balance of the universe is equal. If one ant meets a premature death, it will disturb the balance of the entire cosmos. Therefore, nothing here is unimportant, not even an ant.”
That means I’m important, you’re important, we’re important even if we never win a Nobel prize or an Oscar, because our worth is not inherent on what we’re doing. I could lie in bed all day every day and be just as important as a school teacher. I have to tell you I have so much resistance to saying that, but I’d really like to believe it’s true. If the Milky Way is just as important as an ant, how could it not be?
I dream of a world where we recognize our inherent value and worth as precious human beings. A world where we realize we matter just because we are alive. A world where we remember we are blessed children of the universe, no less and no more important than anyone else. A world where we remember who we really are.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.