It’s been heartbreaking for me to witness the news coming out of western North Carolina. I spent ages 6 to 12 just outside of Marshall and as an adult, many of my friends moved to the area and I’ve visited them. I’ve walked the streets that buckled under pressure from flooding. I’ve shopped at the businesses that no longer exist. Luckily everyone I know is safe but many of the people they know are not. Some families were literally washed away and drowned in a river that rose two stories.
The whole thing is tragic and I’ve cried many tears about it. All of that is true. But what’s also true is that quote from Fred Rogers who said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
That’s happening in North Carolina. Volunteers are leading mules loaded with supplies into areas impassable by cars. The nonprofit BeLoved Asheville took 40 caravans of essential supplies in one day to areas where it was needed. An organization I’m connected to, Amurtel, is digging out homes, donating supplies, and providing hot meals. And then there are the smaller stories. The ones of neighbors letting people shower at their homes, charge their phones, or store their food because without electricity it will all spoil. There are helpers everywhere.
Helpers are everywhere. Photo by Marlis Trio Akbar on Unsplash
I’m getting choked up just thinking about it because it’s so touching. Often a natural disaster brings out the best in people. There’s a true spirit of coming together and helping one another. It reminds me of an African proverb I love that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Exactly. At times like these, people enact that principle. They understand something my spiritual teacher says:
“One must not forget that collective welfare lies in individuals and individual welfare lies in collectivity. Without ensuring individual comforts through the proper provision of food, light, air, accommodation, and medical treatment, the welfare of the collective body can never be achieved. One will have to promote individual welfare motivated by the spirit of promoting collective welfare.”
Collective welfare is what we’re seeing in North Carolina right now. People who have more are giving to those who have less. Individuals and organizations are focused on meeting people’s basic needs. There are numerous helpers who you’ll likely not hear about on the news but they’re out there if you look for them.
I dream of a world where we hold the complexity of natural disasters. A world where we grieve all that happens while also recognizing the beauty and generosity that can come from them. A world where we understand that collective welfare lies in individuals and individual welfare lies in collectivity. A world where we not only look for the helpers but also become them.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
As California enters its second lockdown, I keep thinking about freedom. What does it mean to be free? Some people would say it’s doing whatever you want, whenever you want. But is that really true?
I read a great essay by Rebecca Solnit on “Masculinity as Radical Selfishness.” She mentions the axiom, “My right to swing my arm ends where your nose begins,” which is about balancing personal freedom with the rights of others. It’s also about watching out for someone else’s rights. She says what we’re seeing a prevalence of right now though is the idea that my right to swing my arm doesn’t end where your nose begins, but instead just doesn’t end. And in fact, your nose is not my problem and should get out of the way.
She also says in the U.S., “unlimited armswinging peaks at an intersection between whiteness and maleness, with plenty of white women on board who seem to believe that a white lady’s job is to protect white men’s armswinging (often with a selfless disregard for their own noses).” I think she’s right. Often what we associate with “freedom” is really just hypermasculinity because again to quote Solnit, the isolated individual (ideally white and male) are the metaphorical fists and must rule supreme. However, there’s a lack of understanding here that no man is an island; we don’t live in our own self-contained bubbles accomplishing everything by ourselves. It seems to me this pandemic more than anything is highlighting that. We want someone else to cut our hair. We want someone else to make our food. We want someone else to sit next to us and smile.
Would this woman be able to travel safely without the limit of road rules? No. Photo by Averie Woodard on Unsplash
Humans are social creatures. We are not meant to live in isolation. The hypermasculine freedom some in the U.S. idealize is a myth because what happens when that individual gets sick? They rely on the collective to help them out – they go to the hospital for care, or a doctor, or the drugstore.
My spiritual teacher says “just as my life is important to me, others’ lives are equally important to them; and if we do not give proper value to the lives of all creatures, then the development of the entire humanity becomes impossible.”
It becomes impossible because individual life is bound to the collective. Collective welfare lies in individuals and individual welfare lies in collectivity. There is no instance where my individual welfare doesn’t contribute to collective welfare. And furthermore, real freedom requires constraint. That may seem like an oxymoron but hear me out. Retired Navy SEAL, author, and podcaster Jocko Willink says, “Freedom is what everyone wants – to be able to act and live with freedom. But the only way to get to a place of freedom is through discipline. If you want financial freedom, you have to have financial discipline. If you want more free time, you have to follow a more disciplined time management system. Discipline equals freedom applies to every aspect of life: If you want more freedom, get more discipline.”
He’s talking specifically about individual freedom of course, but I think the same message applies to collective freedom. We’re able to drive safely, for the most part, because there are rules associated with driving. We’re able to buy food we enjoy because there are regulations that keep expired food off the shelves. I realize there are problems with the rules and regulations I listed, but I’d much rather have those problems than going into a grocery store and wondering if the food I’m buying will poison me.
Real freedom requires discipline and a care for others. Anything else is just selfishness that will eventually catch up to us.
I dream of a world where we recognize true freedom requires giving up a little bit of freedom. A world where we understand we can’t do what we want whenever we please without consequences for ourselves and others. A world where we understand real freedom requires limits.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.