For better or for worse, I take responsibility for everything in my life. Poor? That’s my doing. Single? My fault. Sick? That’s on me. That’s the message we receive over and over in our society; that we’re the master of our fate and the captain of our soul. However, I’m reminded, again, that’s not entirely true.
One of my friends has been heartbroken over and over again. He mentioned it to a psychic and the psychic said my friend is repeatedly getting his heart broken because in a past life he was an abuser of women, and in this life, being on the receiving end of heartbreak is his retribution. The karma is being balanced, if you will. Furthermore, the psychic said my friend’s current beau was one of those abused women in a past life, which explains so much about their relationship dynamic. The beau is very timid around my friend, walking on eggshells, and learning how to reclaim her power in the relationship. The two were thrown together in this life because they have some unfinished business.
This? I’m not responsible for.
When my friend told me this story, I felt such relief because I’m reminded I am not to blame for everything in my life. That there are forces at work in my life and everyone else’s life that I haven’t thought about or even begun to understand. It’s like dominoes — one falling domino sets off a chain reaction, but the reaction may not manifest until down the road. Things I’ve done in past lives are still affecting me now. It’s a law of nature that for every action there will be a reaction, and knowing that I feel relief.
Maybe I’m single not because I choose the wrong men or am too picky or a leper, or any other reason I could come up with that points the finger at me. Maybe I’m single for reasons I haven’t even entertained, like things I did in a past life. Similarly, maybe I’m not a world-renowned inspirational speaker for the same reasons. Maybe all of it has absolutely nothing to do with me and instead I’m undergoing reactions for things I did in the distant past.
Instead of thinking of myself as the master of my fate, maybe it’s better to think of myself as a musician. Right now I’m like the first violinist who has her sheet music but is forgetting there are other musicians in the orchestra, and furthermore that there’s a conductor overseeing the whole piece. I like to think of myself as the conductor, but I’m not, I’m the violinist.
I am extremely tired so I don’t know if I’m getting my point across, but what I’m trying to say here is we aren’t in control of every aspect of our lives. We aren’t to blame for every crappy thing that happens to us, nor are we to blame for every good thing that happens to us. There is something else present, and that presence is God or higher power or whatever term you have for it. For better or for worse, we are not alone and we are not in charge.
I dream of a world where we remember higher power is present in all things and situations. A world where we realize we are not in control of everything nor are we to blame for everything. A world where we take ourselves off the hook and remember we are not the conductor of this orchestra, but rather we are the musicians.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
The other day the blinds fell off my window. They landed in such a way that nothing was broken or harmed – no small task considering my desk sits in front of the window and is littered with knickknacks, a monitor, my computer, my printer, etc. When the blinds, fell it got me thinking about the unavoidable, uncontrollable things in life.
Those blinds? They had to fall because the tab that locks them into place became loose and I pulled them in such a way the entire contraption crashed to the floor. However, it was pure luck that kept those blinds from hitting me in the head, or smashing into my computer monitor, or destroying my trinkets. But was it really luck? I don’t think it was. When I reflect on my life, it’s clear there is some kind of benevolent force watching out for me – call it higher power, call it God, call it a guru, a guardian angel – but there is definitely something.
I’d like to think in some ways I’m wrapped in yarn.
Contemplating the blinds, I started musing about the not-so-pleasant things that are also out of my control, like getting hit by a car or broken into or mugged or anything else. Maybe for whatever reason (fate, karma, samskaras) certain things must happen, they must take place, but a benevolent force is softening the blow for us, keeping it from being as terrible as it could be.
When I got hit by a car as a pedestrian in November 2013, all I could think was, “Why me? Why did this happen to me and why didn’t any benevolent force stop it?” All the faith-oriented people around me kept saying, “Your higher power is the one that kept you from needing to go to the hospital!” but I didn’t buy it. Why should I put my faith and trust in some unseen force to keep me safe if I’m not going to be safe? If I’m going to get hit by a car anyway? What I’m coming to here is acceptance – I cannot keep someone from hitting me again or breaking into my home anymore than I already am by cautiously crossing the street and locking my doors. I’ve spent a good chunk of my life worrying about these things and it certainly hasn’t been beneficial. In fact, it’s kept me in a lot of fear.
I said to a friend the other day I struggle with turning this safety stuff over to my higher power, but I can at least give it a shot. If need be, I can always start worrying again, but I’d like to try this trust thing. The blinds are a small example of being taken care of, but I’ve seen larger examples too, like trees that fall in such a way they avoid houses and cars. So maybe for today I can affirm my higher power will keep me safe when possible, but when something must happen to me, at the very least higher power will soften the blow.
I dream of a world where we turn over our fear of future negative events. A world where we trust that some things are inevitable, but there is still a benevolent force watching out for us. A world where we have faith the blow will be softened.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.