Lately, I keep thinking about how I give my power away. A couple of years ago, I had an astrological reading and the person told me I would likely move in March, April, or May of this year. Starting in January, I was so nervous I would have to move unexpectedly because I wasn’t making enough money to move into the sort of place I want to live. (Nor do I feel pulled to move out of the Bay Area where the cost of living is lower.) I worried I’d find mold or a meteor would hit my house, or some other catastrophe would befall me that necessitated a move.
You know what happened instead? I spent more time out of my house and in other people’s homes either locally or because I was traveling. In that way, I did have more space but not because I moved. Yet I spent nearly six months worrying about it because I gave too much weight to something a random astrologer said. (For the record, this is why I like archetypal astrology because it’s not predictive and instead presents ends of a spectrum.) It’s not only astrologers that I imbue with too much power, it’s almost anyone in a position of authority. My therapist can make the most off-handed comment like, “It will be a fun June,” and I’ll latch onto it like she said the Gospel truth.
Call your power back from all dimensions of time and space. Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash
That’s a real example and I mention it because parts of June were fun but parts of June were terrible. My inner kid was so confused because she really thought June would just be fun because of that one comment from my therapist. The issue is I keep making other people omniscient and omnipotent because I’m not remembering the answers are inside me. I don’t know everything, I can’t predict what will happen six months from now, but my body tells me things.
In July, I was super nervous to meet up with some new friends, which didn’t make sense because I don’t get social anxiety. I kept feeling like I’d meet someone or run into someone with a romantic component to it but I wasn’t excited about the meeting. Lo and behold, I ran into an ex that I hadn’t seen or spoken to in seven years. I share this not to demonstrate my psychic prowess but to emphasize that I don’t need to perpetually ask other people to tell me about my life. My body tells me about my life. Spirits tell me about my life. My higher power tells me about my life.
I am a powerful person in my own right and you are too, which I think is important to remember. In my spiritual tradition, we say that every person is a reflection of the Cosmic Consciousness. We are all mirrors, showing the same image but some mirrors are more warped, dirty, and pockmarked than others. Meditation is an act of polishing that mirror so the Cosmic Consciousness can be more clearly reflected. What I’m doing when I give my power away is wandering around, wondering if your mirror is cleaner than mine. It would be far more fruitful if I focused on my own mirror. In that way, I would take back my power.
I dream of a world where we understand other people are people, just like us. A world where we stop imbuing other humans with magical powers. A world where we remember we can trust ourselves and listen to the wisdom of our bodies. A world where instead of giving our power away, we take our power back.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
For the past almost two weeks I’ve had pain in the spot where my shoulder and neck meet. My chiropractor characterized it as a drum beneath her fingertips. It’s pulsing, it’s intense, and as much as I would like to think it’s only from sleeping weird, I know that’s not the case. The mind and body are connected with the body acting as a roadmap for my life. It marks the terrain.
When I shared with my close friend what’s happening with my body, they said it sounds like I’m in the in-between place of “I’m stuck,” and “I take my power back.” In the chiropractic model I use, network spinal analysis, there are 12 stages of healing. The stages are fluid and not hierarchal, meaning I could cycle from stage 12 to stage three to stage nine all in the same day.
Stage three is “I’m stuck,” and stage four is, “I take my power back.” I struggle with making that jump. I’m really good at being stuck. I repeat patterns over and over again. I find myself in places where I can’t seem to escape from. Taking my power back? Not an easy thing for me. I’d much rather give my power away to someone else. Someone else has all the answers. Someone else knows what I should do. Someone else is the key to my healing. And sometimes that’s true but there’s a difference between saying, “I’m choosing to see this person or take this course/class because it feels in alignment” and “Aaaaaah! I’m stuck, I’m stuck, I’m stuck, let’s try this thing and that thing and that thing. Throw spaghetti at the wall!”
Not a spaghetti picture but a powerful one! Photo by Ameer Basheer on Unsplash
I usually throw spaghetti at the wall. I’m really good at trying random things from a disempowered place. It’s easy for me to take action. It’s not so easy for me to believe in myself. And yet, that’s what I’m here to do. The two tenets of my spiritual practice are self-realization and service to the universe. What is self-realization?
According to my spiritual teacher, “[I]t is the natural wont of each and every living being to see others, not to see [themselves]. That is, whenever one becomes a subjective entity, [they take] others as an objective counterpart, but never the self as an objective counterpart. One’s subjectivity never merges with objectivity and that is the trouble. You want to know so many things but you never want to know yourself. Your ‘self’ is your nearest entity but you never want to know yourself. That is the pity, that is the trouble.”
By knowing the self, I don’t mean just what my favorite color is, or even what my hot-button issues are. Knowing the self means knowing my true self, the self that’s always here, witnessing everything. The calm, quiet, inner voice within that’s ready and willing to help me if I let it. My recovery mentor tells me frequently, “Higher Power is very polite and only goes where invited.” When I invite my Higher Power into my life, that is a form of taking my power back. It’s me saying, “I can trust my self. I can trust my self to lead me where I need to go, to show me what actions to take.”
Knowing the self doesn’t mean becoming egotistical, that you shut out other people and say, “I already know everything.” Instead, knowing the self and taking your power back means being an active participant in your life and recognizing that not only is life happening to you, but you are happening to life. Both are true. There are circumstances outside of our control but some things are not. How are we showing up for life? I, for one, want to take my power back.
I dream of a world where we recognize the wisdom in knowing the self. A world where we understand that doesn’t mean arrogance but rather a recognition that a force within us guides us, shows us, and inspires us when we’re willing to listen. A world where instead of being blown about like a leaf, we take our power back.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
The other day I watched a popular movie where one of the characters sought never-ending expansion. He felt his life had no meaning unless he could keep expanding. That may sound silly and very Hollywood-esque, but I notice the same tendency in real life. The rich seek to get richer, the powerful seek to get more powerful. Common folk seek expansion too in some form or fashion, whether that’s adding another instagram follower or branching out their business.
My spiritual teacher says, “Everybody wants expansion. The desire for expansion is the innate characteristic, the dharma, of human beings. No one desires to remain a tiny thing. All wish to expand their psychic arena.”
This picture. I mean really. Photo by Bryan Goff on Unsplash.
I buy that, it makes sense to me from what I’ve witnessed in myself and others. What’s interesting for me to contemplate is how this desire for expansion, or vistára as we say in Sanskrit, plays itself out. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, for some it means garnering more wealth or power. I continue to be amazed at the lengths some people will go to for those two things. I know it’s not a new thing, to lie, cheat, and steal in the name of wealth and power, but every year it seems people find newer and more appalling ways to acquire them. It would be easy to keep casting those seeking expansion as villains, as indeed this movie I watched recently did, but again, the desire for expansion exists in all of us. It’s natural and normal. What to do then to keep the desire for expansion from becoming cancerous?
I’m pretty sure you know where I’m going with this, what I’ll say next. The answer is meditation, specifically, any meditation that puts a person in touch with something greater than themselves. We long to expand unencumbered. We long for something infinite and the only thing that’s infinite is the Cosmic Self. That means we have to turn our psychic quality of vistára toward the Supreme if we ever want to satisfy our thirst for limitlessness.
I mention this because I notice the tendency in myself, too, that enough is never enough. What is the number of followers on social media that would satisfy me? What is the amount of money in my bank account that would be enough? Heck, if I could eat cookies nonstop without feeling terrible, I would. My brain wants more, more, more. And the only way I’ve found thus far to satisfy the feeling of “more, more, more” is to turn to spirituality. Let’s be honest though, even with meditation I still want to eat all the cookies all the time, but now at least I’m clear the answer does not lie with the outside world, but rather the internal one, and that, I think, makes a huge difference.
I dream of a world where we we take our desire for expansion and turn it toward something which is truly infinite. A world where we keep expanding but we do so internally. A world where we recognize wanting to expand is normal, and we channelize it in such a way that benefits ourselves and those around us.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know.” – A.A. Milne
It seems to me right now we’re all being called to become our best selves. We’re being asked to stretch and grow in ways that are uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Milne’s quote reminds me so often I sell myself short and there is more courage, strength, intelligence, and love within me than I acknowledge.
There is some not-fun stuff going on in the world, as per usual, and the challenge for us is to rise to the occasion. For me personally, that means getting in touch with my inner power. Often I want other people to do the heavy lifting in my life. I want them to “fix me,” to “make me better,” to “have all of the answers,” or in some way allow me to play the damsel in distress. The place this shows up the most is with my health.
There’s more beneath the surface. Photo by Muhammad Shahzad on Unsplash.
I’m writing a long facebook note about everything my chronic illness has taught me, but for the purposes of this post I want to focus on empowerment. The dynamic that has shown up with my health is I approach doctors and healers not as partners in my path to wellness, not as people who help me to heal myself, but rather as wizards who will magically cure me without any effort on my part. I realize awe-inspiring stories of magical healing happen every day, and I so wish I could be one of those people, but thus far the universe has said to me, “Nah gurl, you gotta be your own hero and rescue yourself.”
I came to this conclusion after literally trying all the things Western and Eastern to heal my physical body and not seeing much in the way of results. A friend of mine posted about a book called Energy Medicine on Instagram and even seeing the title sparked curiosity within me to explore deeper. After the eclipse, an intense and passionate desire bubbled up within me to start reading the book. It’s a synthesis of all the modalities I have familiarity with – acupressure, energy meridians, chakras – and describes them in a practical way. The book explains why certain spots on my body are tender, or why I instinctively cradle my stomach. More importantly though, it’s empowering me to heal myself.
It’s early days, but even if I don’t see the results I’d like, it seems like a valuable lesson to remember I have power and magic within me. That I am capable of more than I think I am. That I don’t have to outsource everything to other people. This post is all about me, but the principle applies to the broader society as well. How many of us think what’s happening is “someone else’s” problem? Or that “someone else” will take charge? And how much of that is based on insecurity or inferiority?
My spiritual teacher says over and over again, “You should behave with every created being, every human being, in such a way that neither a superiority complex nor an inferiority complex develops in you, or in those with whom you interact. … A person must not suffer from an inferiority complex, because that person and his or her friends and siblings are all the progeny of the same Progenitor. They come from the same origin.”
That means I’m just as capable as anyone else. That means the same power within others is also within me. And vice versa.
I dream of a world where we recognize we all have inner power and strength. A world where we remember no one is superior or inferior to us. A world where we realize we are braver than we believe, stronger than we seem, and smarter than we think.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Lately I’ve come to realize I haven’t been standing in my power. I haven’t been owning my abilities and have been selling myself short. I’m afraid of the future, the “what ifs” because I haven’t been recognizing myself as a key player, and instead have been viewing myself as a victim, as someone who has to take and accept whatever happens. And because I’ve been cultivating a victim mentality, I live in fear of what may happen.
I don’t know if that made any sense, but I think a good metaphor is being afraid of riding a bus driven by a drunken maniac. I do NOT want to be on that bus and I am ridiculously afraid of riding it. What I forget is that I have a choice as to whether or not I step foot on the bus. Owning my power means remembering I have a choice, means remembering things are not definite, not a given, not guaranteed.
It’s such a powerful moment in the “Lord of the Rings” when Gandalf declares, “You shall not pass!”
I guess what I’m encouraging here is remembering our part to play in events and circumstances. When we’re feeling afraid, to say, “Wait, I have options here!” The idea that I have no choice; that I’m saddled with an unpleasant event I cannot affect is what really freaks me out.
If I could, I’d like us to do an exercise where we access our inner power. Please stand up with your feet shoulder width apart, arms relaxed by your side, eyes closed. Feel your energy go into the earth, grounding yourself. Now imagine the energy coming back up through your feet and let it settle in the trunk of your body. For me, I feel the energy the most in my heart and my stomach. Now let that energy radiate out like rays of sunshine throughout your body. You are standing in your power.
When we’re empowered people we’re like Gandalf declaring, “You shall not pass!” I can only speak for myself, but when I’m empowered I feel safe, I feel at peace, OK with whatever’s to come because I know I can handle it. I trust myself and my abilities and I really believe like I wrote last week that I am my own best friend.
My intention is to feel this way more and more frequently and to remind myself I don’t need to feel afraid of the future, of the what if’s, of the things that are out of my control because I am a powerful person who can confront whatever I’m faced with. And I have that dream for you too.
I dream of a world where we own our power. A world where we’re in our bodies fully present. A world where we remember we always have other options. A world where we remember we are capable beings who can handle whatever life throws at them. A world where we are our own heroes.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
On Friday, I had a bit of a meltdown. I’d been harboring feelings of resentment toward someone in power who’s in my life. Let’s call her Marjorie. Whenever I saw Marjorie, I smiled and waved, but inside I seethed. When I asked myself why, I realized things were not how they appeared. What it came down to is I’ve been blowing things out of proportion because I’d been processing my grandparents’ baggage.
I’ve mentioned a few times my grandparents are Holocaust survivors. The repercussions of that manifest in many ways, but in this instance it meant feeling betrayed by someone in power. It meant feeling taken advantage of and as if my needs didn’t matter. That Marjorie’s needs were more important and all I could do is sit back and take the “abuse.” I believed it was in my best interest to “keep the peace” and “not rock the boat.” To go along with what Marjorie wanted because the alternative seemed unbearable, and yet, inside I felt anything but peace.
An impressive display of power if I’ve ever seen one.
So again, I asked myself why, and I realized I’d been taking things to an extreme level, feeling what my grandparents felt about power and authority and the abuse of it. My feelings were nowhere near on par with the reality of my situation.
After crying, I called up a friend and she reminded me I have a choice in the matter. I don’t have to automatically heal the intergenerational junk. I don’t have to ground my ancestors and break the karmic cycle. I have the power to choose. I have the power to say, “No.” I also realized I have the power to choose who’s in power. Let me explain.
People only have authority because I imbue them with it. People are only in power because I, you, we empower them. If we didn’t believe the president was in charge of the country, we wouldn’t listen to a word he said, nor would we enact anything he signed into law. We have agreed certain people are in power, but let us never forget where they get that power from: us.
It’s the same thing with Marjorie – she’s in power because I’m letting her be powerful. In truth, she’s a person just like I am. In truth, she’s flawed like me. In truth, she’s not the most powerful person in the world. If I continue to have issues with her I can go above her head. It may not be pretty, it may not be comfortable, but I have options, I have choices, and remembering that brings my power back.
I dream of a world where we remember we have the power to choose, to say yes or no. A world where we recognize there is no person who is more powerful than another. A world where we realize those who are authorities are authorized by us. A world where we recognize what our own power is and we employ it.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.