I’m sharing this story to serve as a reminder for myself but also in case it’s helpful for anyone else. For months, things have been rough financially. I’ve watched my savings dwindle because the high-paying clients of yore disappeared. As a businesswoman, I’m probably not supposed to say that because people want to work with those who are successful and raking in the dough. Well, what can I say? I don’t know how to pretend.
Because of my financial situation, I’ve cried many tears and prayed my buns off, asking for help and guidance from the Divine Beloved. In March, while I was napping the name of a company came to me. I won’t share the whole story because I already wrote about it on my professional website but the short version is a CEO had asked me 3.5 years ago to write for him and I couldn’t at the time. After that nap, I reached out and he said, “I’d love to have you write for us.” The whole thing reminded me there’s a cosmic magician and that life can be surprising and delightful.
What a beautiful demonstration of nature’s abundance. Photo by Gustavo Quepón on Unsplash
As if to underscore that point about life being magical, Bank of America sent me a letter letting me know an inactive account contained some money. Would I like to claim it? Um, yes, I would. I seriously have no idea where the money came from or why I didn’t spend it years prior. But no matter! It came in just when I needed it.
The unexpected check from Bank of America reminds me that money can come from anywhere and that no client or job is my source. That’s also because my credit union told me this week some reward points are set to expire and would I like to redeem them for $125 in cashback? Ha! Yes, please!
So often I get tunnel vision and think if so-and-so hasn’t paid me yet that I’m screwed. If I don’t have X number of clients, I’m up the creek without a paddle. But that’s not true because the Divine Beloved is my source for all. The money doesn’t come from a job or a project. It comes from the energy that created everything. When I keep my focus on God, I’m open to possibilities and there is room for miracles to occur. I’m less attached to certain outcomes because I know my Higher Power can send things from the blue, like reconnecting with a business contact from my past, receiving a check from an inactive bank account, and telling me to cash in reward points.
The whole thing reminds me of what my spiritual teacher says about prayer, which is, “[Y]ou might ask for something very inferior, although you approach the All-Powerful for it. The best prayer is, therefore, ‘Oh Lord! Do whatever you think fit and best for me. I do not know in which way lies my good – You know.’”
Right now, I’m reminded just how true that is. The Divine Beloved knows what I need before I know I need or want it. I don’t always believe or remember that, but I’m hoping this post with multiple stories about money showing up right on time will reinforce the concept.
I dream of a world where we remember Cosmic Consciousness knows what we need before we do. A world where we trust that all true needs are always met in amazing ways. A world where we understand no person, place, thing, or situation is our source. A world where we remember the Divine Beloved is our source for all.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve written about this topic several times over the years, but it bears repeating. Right now as I’m in a transition phase of my life, being self-employed and all, I’m building my faith muscle. Particularly, faith that everything I need is and will be provided. At the same time, I’m working to let go of control and to trust that all will be well.
This weekend one of my closest friends picked me up for an excursion. She asked me to be ready by 8:45. I’m a punctual person, but not so much in the morning. It takes me a looooong time to get ready and more often than not I’m a little late when it comes to morning appointments. On Saturday, I dawdled a little too long on my phone and lounging in my bed. Anxiety ticked up because I worried I’d be late. I don’t like to keep people waiting, especially when they’re driving over to my house. The anxiety escalated and escalated because by 8:30 I hadn’t brushed my teeth, changed out of my pjs, or eaten breakfast. For some people 15 minutes is plenty of time to do all those things. For me, it’s not.
Everything will be given. Photo by Chungkuk Bae on Unsplash
My “Oh no!” voice started squawking and I took a deep breath and said a prayer, inspired by the new author and spiritual teacher I’m reading, Tosha Silver. She wrote a book called Change Me Prayers that invokes transformation by starting her prayers with “change me.” For instance, “Change me, divine beloved, into one who relaxes with great ease into the unknown.” In the midst of my freak out on Saturday, I said with earnestness, “Change me, divine beloved, into someone who is OK being late sometimes. Or have my friend run a little late to give me more time. I trust you and know that you’ll have what’s best for all of us happen. Thank you. Amen.” And then wouldn’t you know it, my friend was seven minutes late. It’s not very much, but it was enough to ensure I could finish getting ready.
It’s a small thing, but the incident reminded me everything I need is given to me. That there is a divine intelligence at play in the universe, and I don’t have to keep a tight fist of control on everything. When I’m anxious, I’m trying to make things go my way and worry that they won’t. I wanted to be ready at 8:45 on the dot even though I truly needed more time considering how I’d already spent my morning. Things unfolded in such a way that my needs were met, and my friend’s needs were met. When I pray, I open myself to my higher power’s will, which is precisely what my spiritual teacher advocates.
He says the best prayer is, “Do whatever You think fit and best for me. I do not know in which way lies my good – You know.” Because praying in that way is offering it to Cosmic Consciousness, it’s surrendering to something greater than yourself with the reminder the human brain only knows and sees so much. Do I know whether it’s in my highest and best good to sign that client or marry that person? No, because I don’t know everything. But God, Supreme Consciousness, Brahma, etc. is omniscient and knows waaaay more than I do. And furthermore, when I put my life in the hands of that loving entity, that’s when miracles occur and I witness over and over again that all is provided.
I dream of a world where we surrender to a power greater than ourselves. A world where we pray for what’s in our highest and best good to transpire. A world where we let go as much as we can and recognize everything we need will be provided to us.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I feel drained from this weekend so I didn’t write a new post, but this question keeps coming to mind: “How do I know if I’m on the right path?” There have been a few times in the past I felt sure I knew what to do and that doors would swing open for me. However, they stayed firmly shut. Does that mean I wasn’t truly following my bliss? Or rather that my bliss hadn’t been refined yet? With all that in mind, I’m resharing a post from March 2018.
The other day a friend told me he asks people, “How do you know your bliss is the right one?” in response to the slogan “follow your bliss.” When he said that to me, I exhaled deeply. I’ve heard variations of “follow your bliss” such as “follow your bliss and the money will come” for years and it filled me with rancor. I published a book and started a publishing company and the money did not follow. Life didn’t become all sunshine and roses. In fact, the years since my book came out have been some of the hardest of my life. To recap, I moved a jillion times, my health deteriorated, my finances took a nose dive, and more. I did not receive either the internal or external promised riches.
Normally I get pissed off like a child who did exactly as she was asked and didn’t receive her reward. Where is my gold star? Why don’t I have what I’m “supposed” to? I also usually start to look at other people’s lives and say, “They followed their bliss and got what they wanted. Why didn’t it happen for me?” It’s a resentment filled adventure for sure.
I would like to see something like this all the time, thanks. Photo by Kevin Noble on Unsplash
When I ponder that “my” bliss isn’t the right one, I feel better. Perhaps “my” bliss is ego driven and self-centered. Perhaps the bliss I’m following will lead me to a place I ultimately don’t want to go. Maybe I don’t know what’s best for me and maybe I don’t know what “my” bliss is.
I am strong believer in a power greater than myself. I’ve seen over and over again that I’m guided. And if that’s true, that means there’s something doing the guiding, and more often than not, that “something” knows better and knows more than I do, which also relates to how I pray. My prayer is a variation of, “I don’t know what’s best for me universe. Only you know what’s best for me. I want what you want for me. Please align my will with yours.” I think bliss is like that. If I had it my way, I’d live a super cushy life without any drama, with money flowing in due to little effort on my part, seeing beautiful things every day, and eating decadent food. That sounds lovely, but it also means I wouldn’t confront any of my issues; I wouldn’t deal with any of my demons.
In the same conversation with my friend, I told him I can’t suppress anything and because that’s true, I’d rather confront my issues head on. Confronting my issues has made me a better person and a happier person. I don’t feel nearly as anxious as I used to and that’s a direct result of bringing my demons out of the shadows and into the light. That leads me to believe that perhaps my higher power is thinking of my long-term happiness and bliss rather than a short-term gain. Perhaps real bliss then is not mine, but what my higher power wants and I’d feel happier if I aligned my will accordingly. It’s difficult for me to maintain that perspective, but it seems worth a shot. After all, I’d much rather feel happier for a longer period of time than a shorter one.
I dream of a world where we realize sometimes our bliss takes us places that don’t serve us. A world where we understand there’s a difference between the bliss we aim for and the bliss our higher power wants for us. A world where we understand whose bliss will ultimately lead us where we want to go.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’m super sick right now and overtired so I didn’t record any audio this week.
The other day a friend told me he asks people, “How do you know your bliss is the right one?” in response to the slogan “follow your bliss.” When he said that to me, I exhaled deeply. I’ve heard variations of “follow your bliss” such as “follow your bliss and the money will follow” for years and it filled me with rancor. I published a book and started a publishing company and the money did not follow. Life didn’t become all sunshine and roses. In fact, the years since my book came out have been some of the hardest of my life. To recap, I moved a jillion times, my health deteriorated, my finances took a nose dive, and more. I did not receive either the internal or external promised riches.
Normally I get pissed off like a child who did exactly as she was asked and didn’t receive her reward. Where is my gold star? Why don’t I have what I’m “supposed” to? I also usually start to look at other people’s lives and say, “They followed their bliss and got what they wanted. Why didn’t it happen for me?” It’s a resentment filled adventure for sure.
Mmmmm. Looks lovely. Photo by Joshua Sortino on Unsplash.
When I ponder that “my” bliss isn’t the right one, I feel better. Perhaps “my” bliss is ego driven and self-centered. Perhaps the bliss I’m following will lead me to a place I ultimately don’t want to go. Maybe I don’t know what’s best for me and maybe I don’t know what “my” bliss is.
I am strong believer in a power greater than myself. I’ve seen over and over again that I’m guided. And if that’s true, that means there’s something doing the guiding, and more often than not, that “something” knows better and knows more than I do, which also relates to how I pray. My prayer is a variation of, “I don’t know what’s best for me universe. Only you know what’s best for me. I want what you want for me. Please align my will with yours.” I think bliss is like that. If I had it my way, I’d live a super cushy life without any drama, with money flowing in due to little effort on my part, seeing beautiful things every day, and eating decadent food. That sounds lovely, but it also means I wouldn’t confront any of my issues; I wouldn’t deal with any of my demons.
In the same conversation with my friend, I told him I can’t suppress anything and because that’s true, I’d rather confront my issues head on. Confronting my issues has made me a better person and a happier person. I don’t feel nearly as anxious as I used to and that’s a direct result of bringing my demons out of the shadows and into the light. That leads me to believe that perhaps my higher power is thinking of my long-term happiness and bliss rather than a short-term gain. Perhaps real bliss then is not mine, but what my higher power wants and I’d feel happier if I aligned my will accordingly. It’s difficult for me to maintain that perspective, but it seems worth a shot. After all, I’d much rather feel happier for a longer period of time than a shorter one.
I dream of a world where we realize sometimes our bliss takes us places that don’t serve us. A world where we understand there’s a difference between the bliss we aim for and the bliss our higher power wants for us. A world where we understand sometimes our bliss is not the right one.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Often when I’m praying it ends up resembling a wishlist. For instance, when I’m looking for a new place to live I’ll say, “Higher Power, please help me find a place to live that’s safe, quiet, fits all my belongings, in ____ neighborhood, with laundry onsite, plenty of storage space, and where I can see trees outside my window.” And then I start visualizing and fervently praying – or more like begging – saying “please, please, please” over and over again like a mantra.
And then I get what I asked for. Maybe not exactly – usually the neighborhood is a little further afield than I’d like – but all the other things are there. However, I get things I didn’t want either, like overprotective dogs, loud neighbors, poor insulation, or something else that compels me to leave. The trouble is, I don’t have all the information, and I won’t ever because I’m not omniscient. That leads me to believe that perhaps I don’t know what’s best for me after all and maybe I need to leave that up to an all-knowing entity.
This photo seems to encapsulate my idea of a prayer. Not sure why, but it does.
According to my beliefs, Higher Power, God, Brahma, the universe, whatever label you want, is omniscient, so it seems to me the best thing I can do is to align my will with the universe’s. One of the things that’s different about where I currently live – besides the impossible way it came about – is instead of having a wishlist, every morning I said, “Higher Power, please place me where you want me. I want what you want for me. I don’t know what’s best for me, only you do, so please align my will with yours.” And this apartment is what showed up. It’s everything I wanted and more, like being next door to a friend and within walking distance of a pool. I’m finding that when I leave things up to Higher Power, my wildest dreams are ant-sized compared with what lies ahead.
I have to believe because I did things differently, this living situation will turn out differently. Thus far it has. I moved in less than a week ago and already I’m more unpacked than I was in my last place. It’s not because I have more energy or more help, rather it’s because I want to unpack. I already feel settled in energetically so I want to settle in physically. With my last places, a part of me obviously knew they wouldn’t work out so why bother unpacking? I have to admit I’m still gun shy; I’m still worried something will be horrible about where I’m currently living that will compel me to move, but at least I can say I wasn’t trying to force my will. That instead I was in a state of surrender, acceptance, and openness. That it came about not through wishing but through praying.
I dream of a world where instead of prayers being wishlists we pray to align our will with a power greater than our own. A world where we understand we don’t know all the answers and we won’t ever, so we can’t possibly know what to ask for in the future. A world where we each live in a state of surrender, acceptance, and serenity.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.