Happy New Year! On Sunday I was out of town at a retreat so I didn’t blog, but when I was there I experienced a nuance of one of my favorite quotes: “You are never alone or helpless, the force that guides the stars guides you too.” (In fact, it was even made into a song!) I have definitely felt that way – that an invisible force permeated me and my life – but this week I experienced it on a different level.
While in Austin, Texas I shared how I was feeling with some friends of mine and it turns out they were feeling the exact same way! It’s so nice to tell someone you’re heartbroken, or sad, or happy, or scared, or tired, or whatever, and have them say they feel the same way. It makes me feel less alone and crazy. I feel more connected to those around me and less isolated when I know someone else is going through the same thing. There’s a fantastic quote that I can’t find for the life of me that goes something like, “A friend is someone who says, ‘I know, I’ve been there.’” It’s so true! Sometimes I get really in my head and want to pull away from those around me because they can’t possibly be feeling what I’m feeling! They look so together! But it turns out those around me can and do feel similar to me. It’s in that sharing that space within me opens up and I feel less alone. I feel connected.
This is not the most profound post, but in essence, sharing with others reminds me I’m not experiencing life in a vacuum. That other people have problems, other people have feelings, other people don’t have all the answers either. It reminds me I’m human and that we’re all trying to buoy each other. That we’re supporting one another while working through our “stuff.” It reminds me I don’t have to be “perfect” before I can help others because instead it’s my imperfection that bonds me to others. It reminds me I’m not supposed to weather storms all on my own. And sharing how I feel also lessens my emotional load. Expressing it to someone else who is undergoing the same thing makes it seem less weighty. It’s the concept behind “misery loves company.” In my experience misery is not the only emotion that loves company, they all do.
Mostly, as I re-enter real life after coming back from vacation, I’m reminded I’m not alone. Not only because the force that guides the stars guides me too, but also because those around me are going through similar experiences. And being able to share it is a beautiful thing.
I dream of a world where we express how we’re feeling. A world where we know other people can and do understand us. A world where we open up to others because we realize we’re not alone in our experiences and nor should we be. A world where we understand we are never alone or helpless.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote in his essay Civilization to: “Hitch your wagon to a star,” meaning, “Always aspire to do great things.” I’ve always aspired to do great things but somehow I always envisioned myself as the wagon and never the star. I always thought of myself in the supporting role. In some ways I think it’s a part of my nature – I’m a little shy, not that many people can tell – so I’d rather be in the background than claim the spotlight. It’s funny how the universe arranges things so outmoded thinking gets swept away because that old paradigm crumbled around me about a week and a half ago.
What I’m referring to is the dissolution of my spiritual art and entertainment business. My business partner and I decided to go our separate ways because we had different needs and expectations that didn’t allow for us to continue working together. It was really painful; there’s still an ache in my heart thinking about it, but I know it’s for the best. I had this idea I needed him, that I couldn’t be successful on my own. That somehow it was “safer” to be in business with someone else instead of alone. I also had the notion I don’t have enough big ideas to run a company. But the truth is, it only takes one good idea to create a business and I’m never really alone. There are many people who play supporting roles in my life; there are many places I can go to ask for help and support. I don’t have to have a business partner in order to be successful.
Mostly what I’m getting at is I don’t need to hitch my wagon to anyone else’s star because I am the star. I have enough ideas, fortitude, skills, etc. to do this. “This” being run a publishing company, market a book, or whatever. I am capable of so much more than I thought I was. Not just with this business, but with my life. I can do anything by the grace of God. I think fear often tells us we need someone else around. That somehow going it alone is dangerous or unwise. It could be something as small as going to a concert solo. The thoughts are usually along the lines of, “Maybe I won’t have a good time. Maybe people will judge me, maybe my car won’t start and I’ll be stuck, maybe it will be scary,” etc. How often are those things true though?
When I go to things by myself, I find I have a pretty good time. In fact, on Friday I went to the movies by myself! Not because I’m a loser with no friends, but because I impulsively decided to go and didn’t want to rustle up company. And you know what? It was lovely. I got to see what I wanted, sit where I wanted, and leave when I wanted. It was just what I needed! I’m a big believer in doing what you want whether you have company to join you or not. So now I’m doing it with bigger things, not just the movies. I no longer believe my success/failure/happiness/security is dependent on anyone else. I no longer believe it’s strictly necessary to have someone else by my side. Because today I live in the truth I am my own star.
I dream of a world where we know we can handle life on our own. A world where we know we can shine brightly by ourselves. Where we understand our success is contingent on us and not who we’re socializing with. A world where we know we are each worthy of a leading role. A world where we feel capable and confident of our own abilities because in truth, we are each our own stars.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I know this is so cheesy because we’ve all heard the phrase, “Dreams do come true” all the time, but as sappy as it is, it’s also a reality. Tonight I got an e-mail someone whose project I donated to on kickstarter was able to successfully finance his campaign. Stuff like that honestly does inspire me. When I hear of people who want something so badly and then it comes true. It’s touching to be a part of that process.
I LOVE hearing success stories because it reminds me that I too can be successful. There are so many naysayers in the world, people who say “I can’t,” I love when I hear of people who say “I can.” People who successfully raised nearly $1 million in their kickstarter campaign. People who kept auditioning for an acting role until finally they were cast. People who searched for their life partner well into their 50s and finally found someone who fit. People who open art galleries and self-publish books and discover planets and shoot for the moon. People who have a dream and then they achieve it. I can think nothing more inspiring than that. So often creative talents are squashed for more practical endeavors like majoring in business or becoming a dentist because loving parents are afraid their children won’t be able to “make it.” When instead those kids turn out to be sensations, wow. Amazing.
I’m reminded of that famous quote by Marianne Williamson in A Return to Love:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Yes. Absolutely. Success and inspiration are contagious and I hope we all strive forward, manifesting our brilliance. Because the more we do so the more we encourage others to do the same.
I dream of a world where we all chase our dreams knowing “failure” is really delayed success. A world where we grab onto hope with both hands and keep steadfast to our heart’s desires. A world where we know if other people’s dreams can come true, so can ours.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
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