I’ve come to believe that to be alive means to experience trauma; and I don’t mean things like war, or car accidents (although those things too) — I mean things like death, divorce, and anything else that shakes us up and makes us feel unsafe physically or emotionally. Trauma can also be secondary, by the way. It can be hearing or seeing someone else’s traumatic experiences. When you take into account the majority of news stories, I’m pretty sure we’re all walking around a little traumatized.
We all deal with trauma in our own ways, but I’ve noticed I deal with trauma by minimizing it, dismissing it, or doing whatever I can to distract myself from the depths of my feelings. Who wants to feel sad or angry or insecure when there are movies to watch, people to call? Who wants to feel sad or angry or insecure when there are places to visit and dreams to chase? I certainly don’t. But the reality is, we can’t outrun our trauma; it clings to us like a shadow. Carl Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you’ll call it fate.”
Go with emotions like flowing down a river.
Carl, why you gotta be so spot on? I don’t want to make the unconscious conscious, but I’ve reached a point in my life where I can’t ignore it anymore. As someone said to me once, “What you resist, persists.” I wanted to punch them in the face when they said that to me, but I found, yes, it’s true. I kept working so hard to resist, but my resistance didn’t banish the problem, it only served to keep it alive. The question then becomes, how is a professional emotional runner, so to speak, supposed to all of a sudden stop running? How can a person face their demons instead?
When I brought this up to my therapist, he said to me, “Just lie down. Instead of actively trying to skirt the perimeter, yield, and let the flood wash over you.” And wash over me it did. When I stopped actively trying to do anything, all of the emotions overtook me. I didn’t enjoy it, it wasn’t “fun,” but I feel relieved. It takes a lot of energy to run away from feelings. A LOT. By stopping, by turning around to face my feelings instead, I feel drained, but in a good way. Like after a full day swimming.
To tie all of this to a spiritual concept, people talk a lot about being in the flow of life – me too – but I think it’s important to remember, getting into the flow is not always an active process. Sometimes being in the flow is allowing ourselves to be carried by whatever is here. Just like flowing down a river, it’s a lot easier if we don’t resist, and also, we have no idea where it will take us.
I dream of a world where we yield to what we’re resisting. A world where we feel our feelings instead of pushing them away. A world where we put ourselves into the flow by understanding sometimes that’s a passive process.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve been thinking about timing a lot lately. I feel a ton of internal pressure to get out in the world and do something! To become an inspirational speaker, to relaunch my business, etc. I’m surrounded by these messages all the time: “carpe diem,” “you’ll never feel fully ready to do something,” “you won’t be great when you first start, but you must start in order to be great,” etc. Everyone everywhere seems to be saying to me, “Get in the game, and get in the game now.”
On the other hand, I have resistance. Not due to fear, but a nagging sensation now is not the right time. I still have to take a nap every day. I tire out easily. I have lots of responsibilities and things on my plate at the moment. Do those sound like excuses? Maybe they are, but again, I keep thinking about timing.
Is it super cliche that I’m posting a pic of a surfer when talking about being in rhythm with the universe?
We’re coming upon the eight-year anniversary of my move to San Francisco, on Valentine’s Day in fact. I think about how I moved out here and then it took me seven months to find a job and a place to live. That may not seem like a lot right now considering the state of our economy, but not having stable income or a place to live for that long was challenging, to say the least.
I bring this up because so often I find myself jumping into something and then getting overwhelmed and backpedaling only to pick it up later. This has happened to me over and over again. I have a theory about why this is the case for me. My spiritual teacher says, “Each and every created entity – whether crude, subtle, or causal – is vibrational and rhythmic. … The collective rhythms of all the rhythms emanating every moment from the countless objects of the cosmic imagination is called ‘universal rhythm.’”
My theory is that due to my highly intuitive nature, I’m peering ahead and picking up on the vibration and rhythm of something in the future, but not the present. And the reason things don’t work out when I want them to is because the rhythms and vibrations haven’t matched up yet. Here’s a great example. One of the first jobs I applied for in San Francisco was at a medical magazine. I felt sure I was going to get the job. On a deep level, I knew I was going to work for that company, so when they turned me down, I was shocked, surprised, and confused. Here’s the funny thing though: seven months later I applied for a different job at a different magazine within the same company and got it.
What I’m saying here is that old adage “timing is everything,” is an adage for a reason. As much as I want to get out in the world and do stuff, it’s also important for me to acknowledge some things are out of my hands. That if I try too soon it’s like entering a bouncy house at the exact wrong moment: I’ll get bounced out. As much as I hate having to say this, and believe me, I do, what I’m coming to realize is patience is required of me sometimes. Sure, I can jump in, but my personal experience is I feel traumatized and it takes me a while to lick my wounds before I want to try again. Wouldn’t it be better for me to wait and pick my moment? To start bouncing in the house smoothly and seamlessly? To align my rhythm with the universe’s?
I dream of a world where we understand there is a natural rhythm and timing to everything in nature, including us. A world where we understand we have to be in sync with the vibration and rhythm of what we want before the entry is smooth. A world where we remember it’s still true: timing is everything.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve been hearing a lot about “being in the flow” or returning to the flow. The way being in the flow is presented is when you hit every green light and run into a friend unexpectedly on the street and everything is going your way. In other words, a really good day. Not being in the flow then, means hitting every red light, just missing the person you wanted to see, and nothing is going your way. In other words, a really bad day.
Maybe this is just my interpretation, but it seems to me people say when we’re not in the flow, it’s our fault. It’s because I’m not thinking the right thoughts, I’m not aligning with the divine, I’m not grateful enough, or whatever. The reason though always has something to do with me.
Life is like a river and we’re all flowing back to the sea.
When I start to think about being in the flow from that perspective, it doesn’t make sense. How can everything be my fault? I don’t control the universe. For every action there is a reaction – that’s a law of nature. How could I possibly be the cause of whether or not some guy gets drunk and runs a red light? Therefore, how could I possibly be the one to cause all of my good days and bad days? Even if we all were little islands, even islands are subjected to storms and wave currents. We aren’t in control of everything and when I try to be, I only succeed in making myself crazy.
There seems to be this notion, again, maybe of my own perception, that when a person becomes really spiritual, when they’re “thinking the right thoughts,” that all of sudden life is peachy keen and they never have another trouble again. And if they have any sort of troubles, it’s because they attracted it to themselves. When I think about one of the most famous spiritual teachers, Jesus Christ, his life was not sunshine and roses. What’s so amazing about Jesus was his ability to forgive, to continue preaching peace and love despite all the horrible things he went through. That to me is real spirituality, not living a trouble-free life.
My spiritual teacher says every human being willingly or unwillingly dances in harmony with the rise and fall of the cosmic waves. That there is a ceaseless and eternal cosmic flow. That to me means I stay in the flow by remembering I’m never out of the flow, even when I’m late for all my appointments, lose my luggage, and have a day I’d rather not experience again.
When people talk about getting back in the flow, it’s a good reminder to touch base with the divine, to feel the love that’s all around me, but it’s also important to remember just because I’m letting the universal energy move through me, doesn’t mean life will always be a pleasure cruise.
Almost exactly two years ago I wrote a post called, “Love is the Container,” about how even when I’m sad, angry, scared, etc. love is there, love is holding all of those emotions. In the same way, when nothing goes right, I’m still in the cosmic flow. But maybe instead of cresting the wave, I’m down in the trough. Life is a constant flow with ups and downs and I’ll never be able to tell the waves to quit moving, so instead, it’s better for me to enjoy the ride whether I’m surfing or crashing.
I dream of a world where we realize we are always in the flow, whether we’re having a good day or a bad one. A world where instead of striving for ceaseless pleasure, we work on adjusting ourselves and our attitudes. A world where we realize to stay in the flow we don’t have to do anything because we never left.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.