This month I’m participating in NaNoWriMo – that’s National Novel Writing Month for the uninformed. It’s an internet campaign that encourages people to write 50,000 words during the month of November. That’s roughly 200 pages in book land when you take into account formatting and page size. It’s approximately 75 pages single spaced in a word processing document.
Writing this much during the month of November, or any time really, feels nigh impossible for me. I used to say with sincerity that I can’t write fiction to save my life, and now here I am writing fiction. Some people might scratch their heads upon hearing that. Aren’t I a professional writer? Haven’t I been, you know, writing, for nearly my entire life? What’s the big deal with fiction? Isn’t it all the same? In brief, no.
Yep, I’m writing one of these. Photo by Mahendra Kumar on Unsplash
As a journalist, I write about the world around me. I summarize and synthesize information already available. I don’t create anything, I merely convey information. Writing fiction is the complete opposite. The novelist must create an entire world and have it make sense. Even fantasy and science fiction conforms to certain rules manufactured by the author. Characters have to seem like real people with real emotions and motivations, otherwise we deem them “flat.” As someone who has spent decades reporting on real people and real events to suddenly switch gears and report on imaginary people and imaginary events is no easy task. And yet, here I am, doing the thing I think I can’t.
This post isn’t altogether profound because, well, I’ve already been writing for two hours every day outside of my writing job, but there’s something important for me here about mentioning we’re capable of more than we think. We place limits on ourselves and what we presume we can accomplish, but maybe that’s inaccurate. When I hear about incredible things other people do my first reaction is usually, “I could never do that.” But could I?
My spiritual teacher says something to the effect of exhaust all of your own strength and energy and then if you’re supposed to continue, the universe will give you more strength and energy. That’s not a recipe for burnout, by the way. It’s not an invitation to run ourselves ragged. Rather, it’s the acknowledgment that if you’re lost, wounded, and starving in the woods, for instance, if you’re meant to live, somehow you’ll find the reserves to crawl 200 miles on your hands and knees to civilization. That’s not an exaggeration, by the way. It’s the true story of Hugh Glass, who Leonardo DiCaprio depicted in the movie The Revenant.
What I’m saying here is we are all capable of more than we think. Will I be able to write a total of 50,000 words by the end of this month? I’m not sure, but I’m working toward that every day. I’m tackling something seemingly impossible for me and doing the thing I think I can’t. And even if I fail, this process is stretching me in ways I never anticipated and that in and of itself is valuable.
I dream of a world where we do the things we think we can’t. A world where we realize we are stronger, smarter, and more capable than we are aware. A world where we realize if something is meant to be, the universe will lend us a hand.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve been thinking a lot about strength and power and what it means to have those. I spend most of my time feeling powerless, as in my ability to act feels diminished. Particularly when I contemplate the broader society. This is where I could write about how there’s strength in numbers and all of us working together have greater power than when we’re alone, but you’ve already heard all that. Instead, what interests me more is thinking about the types of strength and power we possess.
As someone who feels like a frail wildwood flower, physical strength appeals to me. However, physical strength is not the greatest strength there is. On some level we all know this, but in times like these I think it’s important to get that reminder. Psychic strength is greater than physical strength, and spiritual strength is greater than psychic strength.
It takes strength to do this.
If we look at human history, we see this progression. People could not fight a lion or tiger with their physical bodies – they had to invent weapons. Even if we pit an elephant against a human being we see an elephant driver can use their intellectual powers to direct the elephant. Physical strength can be defeated by psychic strength. In fact, my spiritual teacher says human strength is much more powerful than the strength of atom bombs. Why? Because human beings created atom bombs and that means human beings can also discover a weapon to counteract the strength of atom bombs.
What about spiritual power? For me, I believe in a higher power so it makes sense there is a power greater than myself infusing me with strength. An entity that may accomplish what I cannot. It’s harder for me to think about spiritual strength triumphing over psychic strength, but when I contemplate it, it makes sense. In a competition between me and an enlightened being like the Buddha, who would win? Certainly not me. An enlightened being knows all and sees all, so of course an enlightened being is more powerful than I am.
I also think about this in my personal life. How my intuition picks up on things that my rational brain does not. That, too, is a power. If I intuit during a game of rock, paper, scissors that you’re going to choose rock, who has the power in that situation? Who is at an advantage?
Ultimately what I’m driving at here is we are never as powerless or as helpless as we think we are. We all have strength and we have strength we didn’t know we had when we draw on the well from the source of all creation. When I tap into an infinite loving consciousness, my strength, my power never runs dry. I’ve heard many amazing stories like that. For instance, Sri Chinmoy is someone who lifted airplanes and automobiles. He said:
“As an individual I am nothing and I can do nothing. For everything that I have achieved, I give 100 percent credit to God’s Grace…when I pray and meditate I feel that somebody else is helping me, whereas an ordinary man feels that he can only rely on himself. When he is under the weight, he thinks that he is lifting it all by himself. He has practiced for so many years and developed his strength and he feels that everything depends on his physical strength. But in my case, I feel I am only an instrument. There is some other power that is coming to help me. That power I call God’s Grace.”
I dream of a world where we remember we are mighty. A world where we remember we are more powerful than we think we are. A world where we tap into the reserves of a power greater than ourselves, recognizing that’s where our real power lies.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
At the end of January, the Onion had an article about a woman who said “sorry” 118 times for things such as bumping into an inanimate object or passing a coworker in the hall. The article is funny because there’s an element of truth to it; many women behave in the same way. I do too, not only apologize for things I don’t need to apologize for, but also assume fault, that I am to blame even if I’m not. If something’s not working properly I’ll say it’s because I did something wrong.
A small, but amazing thing happened a few weeks ago that reminded me it’s not always me, I’m not always the one to blame, and I’m not always at fault.
What does this image have to do with the theme “it’s not me?” I’m not sure but it’s quirky and I like it!
For the past month, every Sunday at 10 p.m. my internet has stopped working until about 11:30 or so. First, I called Comcast about it and they said there are no problems on their end. Then, I emailed the management company because my complex has commercial internet, thus I share it with several others. The timing I find incredibly annoying because around 10 p.m. on Sundays is precisely when I usually try to post this blog! And, I can’t go to sleep until I’ve done so, thus the longer it takes the internet to start working again, the later I go to bed.
When I spoke to the management company about the problem, their response was “You’re the only one who’s complaining so the problem must be your equipment.” Um, no. I could see maybe having an issue with my super old, personal laptop but all of my devices being unable to connect? Even the new ones? I refused to believe the fault was mine even though everyone kept trying to pin it on me.
Finally, I asked the hive mind (aka, facebook) and my tech friends suggested someone was probably downloading movies at precisely that time and hogging up the bandwidth so no one else could use the internet. Ah, vindication. I cannot describe to you the relief I felt after hearing the fault was not mine even though the management, the owners, and Comcast kept saying it was. It would have been very easy for me to blame myself, blame my equipment, accept the problem as being mine alone, but I didn’t. I knew everyone else was wrong and stuck to my guns. I knew I and my equipment were not to blame.
It turns out lately other people have been complaining too because now the internet hasn’t been working for anyone. As a consequence, the management company is changing the network password and upgrading our equipment so hopefully things will improve for us all.
It’s a small example, but I like to believe by speaking up I improved the situation for everyone. Because so many of us complained, the management is doing something. I wonder what would have happened if I stayed quiet and assumed I (or my belongings) were the problem. It’s not always easy to speak up, to go against the grain, to hold fast to what we know to be true, but I have to believe it’s worth it because in the end things improve.
I dream of a world where we realize not everything is our fault even if someone says otherwise. A world where we stick to what we know to be true. A world where we speak up and speak out when the situation requires. A world where we stand in our strength and remember the problem is not always us.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.